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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want to see bitchy coworkers again

52 replies

papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 11:16

Hello,

First post in mumsnet though I've been reading it for ages, learned a lot from everyone about everything: you have walked my through my pregnancy, made my style & make-up better and helped me lose weight!

Long story short (don't want to bore everyone out of their minds): have quit job around a month ago (crap job, shitload of responsibility and crap money) with what I thought they were nice colleagues, to go to a much better job, much closer to home, much more money. Few of them have invited me as my "leaving party" to a fancy restaurant next week. However, since I've left the job they've been quite mean/cold to me over Facebook and have heard some gossip around about me from them whom I've thought they're my friends. I do not want to go as I think it will be quite a humiliating experience and also I do not have any money to spare on that...

Tbh I'll never probably see them again soon at least and I'm not sure what to say as to get rid of this quick and efficient. What would you do? Would you go?

OP posts:
humblesims · 03/08/2016 11:24

If they have already arranged that date (without consulting you first?) just say you have a previous engagemant or that youre on holdiay or that you are having surgery or be brave and tell them the truth?

elodie2000 · 03/08/2016 11:24

Contact them and say that you won't be able to make it, very disappointed, hope they're all well blah blah... Be non specific, don't give details but be polite. They'll see that you're too busy for them and
they'll be spitting feathers all over FB probably!

Drowzeee · 03/08/2016 11:26

I wouldn't even tell them just delete them all from FB and don't turn up.

Lilaclily · 03/08/2016 11:27

Just text or reply to Facebook message 'sorry I can't make that date, thanks for the thought '

tiggerkid · 03/08/2016 11:30

If you were invited, make excuses and don't go. It's hard enough to put up with bitchy colleagues when you have to and there is no choice but to work with them. You don't want to be seeing them/dealing with them when you no longer have to!

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 11:33

Hahahhaha, omg ladies, you're exactly my type! I'm D-Y-I-N-G with laughter here! So INBU??? They have pretended to be my friends all along. I had this manager, she was really young (22?23???) and she sucked her way up (God knows how) which they all pretended to hate, however they were best friends at work.

Initially I did say I was going to go, that's why it's a bit hard now to say no. Will do, though. JEsus, didn't hear that much gossip about me since I was 12. :(

OP posts:
M0nstersinthecl0set · 03/08/2016 11:36

Absolutely they probably just want a chance to dig/ gloat etc. Be busy, you owe them nothing.

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 11:42

@monstersinthecloset- I couldn't have said it better. They just want to ask 292304 questions about me, my DH and possibly by new job. They're gossip diggers. You're right. I owe them nothing. Will write on the Whatsapp group chat ASAP that I can't do it anymore and then take myself out of that group as well.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/08/2016 11:44

What Drowzee said, just don't turn up and delete them all... be a woman of mystery. If they track you down, just say, "Sorry, forgotten your name, it just blurred with Bitch1, Bitch 2, etc., busy now, goodbye...".

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 11:45

@lyingwitchinthewardrobe hahahhhaha you're all fabulous, I swear! What if not only they track me down but I ran into them at supermarket/mall/randomly in the street? OMG! Blush

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 03/08/2016 11:46

Tell them you'd rather fuck a cheese grater. Then delete and block.

Dobby is a free elf now.

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 11:47

Well, tbh, I would rather fuck a cheese grater rather than being humiliated by a bunch of bitches while spending a ton of money and them making sure they go back to work and tell them everything I said. OMG, why did I say I'm going in the first place?

OP posts:
scampimom · 03/08/2016 11:52

If you DON'T go you'll be painted as an uppitty madam who suddenly hasn't got time for people and thinks she's better than everyone else and is being a bitch.

If you DO go you'll be painted as lording your new job over them all and boasting and thinking you're better than everyone else and being a bitch.

One option costs less money than the other, and doesn't involve organising transport Smile

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 03/08/2016 11:54

Maybe the manager quite literally 'sucked her way up'.....

trafalgargal · 03/08/2016 11:54

"sorry ladies life has got mega busy with the new job and other stuff (all good stuff nothing for anyone to worry about) so I'm going to have to miss your little get together next week unfortunately. Hope you all have a fab time xx "

And then block the lot of them

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 11:56

So I'll be a bitch anyway, however I'll be one who's richer with around 50 quid. Hmmmm....

I am in between the girls said to disappear, block them and screw them and trying to find a decent excuse. only worried I might run into them on the street as I'll still be living in this (not too big) city.

OP posts:
magicstar1 · 03/08/2016 11:58

Just don't go OP. I was asked about a leaving do in a previous job, and I couldn't help saying "Why would I want to go out with such a bunch of two-faced, backstabbing bastards like you lot?"
Lucky I never had to see any of them again

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 11:58

@LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF - actually quite sure she did. She's making A LOT (and by a lot I mean around 70.000/year) and she's 22. She started off being the secretary...Ups!!! And...worked...sucked...whatever, her way up in less than a year.

OP posts:
LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 03/08/2016 12:04

Do not go! They sound awful.... and the sooner you text them, the better. You will breathe and massive sigh of relief and be glad it's done. The alternative is to spend the rest of the week fretting about it, probably having waaaay too much to drink in order to get through the evening, possibly culminating in you telling them they're all a bunch of bitches anyway! (I know these things, I've been there..... Blush)

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 12:08

They are awful, but I'm too kind. I didn't even say anything when one of them was making jokes about me and questioning my job (which I can say with no problems I have been doing at my 100% and I believe about myself that I am a decent professional).

Thanks everyone. Flowers will text them all tonight in the whatsapp group and make my excuses.

Has any of you been in a similar position before? Flowers

OP posts:
Vvlgari · 03/08/2016 12:08

I wouldn't go. I once had a job for a short, hellish period and the group of women I worked with were utterly awful. The manager was a bully and all the others sucked up to her to keep on her good side and they made my life a misery while I was there.

They mentioned doing something on my last day after work. At that point, I'd rather have chewed my own arm off than socialise with them or have to pretend to be nice to them a minute longer, so 15 minutes before I was due to leave, I picked up my stuff and walked out without saying goodbye.

Rude? You betcha.

Original poster
papillon0306 · 03/08/2016 12:12

See, I never quite got why women have to be so bitchy to the new girl! It is awful enough starting a new job and trying to prove your worth at your best...you don't need people like that in your life. I've been in the position where I liked the job but hated the people. All the gossip, the sucking up to the manager, the whole lot..Nope, just nope.

@vvlgari-did they contact you/seen them again after?

OP posts:
derxa · 03/08/2016 12:18

I left a horrible job once and didn't go to my leaving do. What a shit storm erupted!!!!

bunnyfuller · 03/08/2016 12:20

Bitches will be bitches. Make a tummy upset excuse at last minute, delete the fuckers and skip merrily on without them. Until the next lot. Lol. Bitches will be bitches.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 03/08/2016 12:20

Yes, a long time ago. I worked as a waitress with a really bitchy, unpleasant woman. When I left, they organised a small get together - I didn't want to go because I didn't want to see any of them (they were all horrid) again. But, stupidly, out of 'politeness' I turned up. I'd already drunk quite a bit of 'Dutch courage' before I arrived, got completely hammered and told the mega-bitch exactly what I thought of her. Naturally, the woman who'd spent two years making spiteful remarks about my appearance, my weight, the fact I went to uni....burst into tears. I flagged down the first taxi I saw and never looked back. But that was in the days before FB, thankfully.....