If he doesn't want a baby, you shouldn't seek CSA

[NeedACleverNN]

Why the hell is this line still trotted out?

I've even seen it on here. Woman falls pregnant, boyfriend doesn't want it and wants an abortion. She doesn't. People advise her to keep the baby and let him go. Don't bother seeking child maintenance because he didn't want the baby in the first place.

No!! If he didn't want a baby he should take his own precautions to preventing pregnancy. You don't like condoms? You don't have sex!

My first child's birth to me wasn't what I expected. I bring him into the world I needed 4 painful internals to place a tablet to induce my labour. This worked enough to be able to break the waters and to be put on a drip to mimic the hormones of labour.

Before all that I had 25 weeks of actual sickness and then all the heart burn and sleepless night because my body swelled up like a mash mellow man.

To me all that was worth it to finally hold my beautiful baby boy in my arms.

I couldn't be a surrogate because there is no way I could put myself though that for no baby at the end.

If men want a baby that much they have a choice, adoption or surrogacy. No way should a women be forced to carry a child against the will of the women.

I would go to the barricades for your right to do what you wanted with your pregnancy. That's feminism. I'm not going to support your right to have men tell other women what to do with their pregnancies. That's bullshit. Can't you see the difference?

You were really tugging on my heart strings with your talk of men having their wanted children killed Einna. That is until you said if the men didn't want the child they ahould be allowed to abandon it

Einna is clearly starved of attention. Please ensure she continues to go hungry.

einna 'Cause "her body her choice"? Bullshit. She had a choice to keep her legs shut, she had a choice to go for a 69 or anal so she wouldn't risk falling pregnant, and she chose to take that risk'.

Fucking hell. You disgust me, you fucking misogynist arsehole.

And kindly fucking stop referring to abortion as killing a child.

And no, I absolutely do not have to support your abhorrent views just because we're both women. Fuck off.

Both men and women should be made to pay Maintence if they are not the one with full time custody.
I work with a guy that could pay for his child but doesn't, he's even proud that he doesn't pay.
My cousin walked out on her DD when she was 1, and has never paid a penny although she has the means to pay.

You have a child regardless of if you wanted it/ planed it. That child still needs food in its belly and clothes on its back.

Exactly, how ridiculous to say it's unfair women have a choice and men don't , it's nature, women carry the baby , an abortion is more gruesome than a lot of people realise if you had seen one you would know what I meant , it should only be an option in extreme cases imo not a form of contraception and the suggestion that women are somehow in a better position because they have the option to choose an abortion is beyond vile.

Again, a reminder that Mumsnet's raison d'être is to make lives easier
Regardless of any level of reasonability, .
Thanks ever so
Peace and love

No man should have to pay child support if he asked her to abort and made clear he didnt want a child.

That would certainly be a charming conversation to have with your child. "No, your father wanted me to have an abortion and because of that, he doesn't have to pay any support for you and you live in poverty. But it is ok because he wanted me to have an abortion and I was an uppity woman who wouldn't do what he wanted"

I hate the fact that a woman gets to choose whether the baby comes into the world or not regardless of the fathers wishes

I know. It must drive you crazy that the days of women being forced to do what men wanted with their bodies is over. Fuck sake, those bitches think they can do just what they like and not pay any attention to the important man. Now, men actually have to, like, oh my god, make an actual effort to not impregnate random women. They might even have to consistently wear a condom so as not to be put in this situation. Awful altogether.

Einna take your frankly diabolical views elsewhere they are fucking awful.
My ex didnt want me to keep ds even after the fertility issues on my side which we got sorted and then ds happened. No way was i getting rid of him after all the heartache we went through to get him. Its not my fault ex changed his mind I made sure i claimed maintenance as he created ds too so is financially responsible just as much as i am despite pleading poverty while flying back and forward 1st class to oz! Its totally heartbreaking that he has to part with a whole £39 a week for his son that he disregarded like rubbish 👊

No, Persian, there is no automatic right to benefits. Benefits are means tested. Plenty of single parents receive no benefits at all
Yes I know lots of men and women do a wonderful job of bringing kids up single handedly without any benefits.

What a PP said was that if a father doesn't pay up in some circumstances that means that the taxpayer will have to financially support that baby.

All I was saying is that in some cases, even if a father does pay up, if the mother does not have any other income then the taxpayer will still have to financially support that baby.

That is all, I did not say that all single parents are on benefits. I was trying to remedy the notion that either a father or the taxpayer supports a baby. It can be any one of either the mother, father or taxpayer or any combination of one or two of the above.

I dont agree with this completely as I know of a woman who lied about contraception to the man so that she can have a child. In this case the dad is actually a very good one and is involved and pays etc. but imagine not wanting a child, trusting your partner and all of the sudden she is pregnant and there is nothing you can do to change that. Yes you could have not had sex but equally you should be able to trust your partner.

I dont feel anyone should be forced to have a child if they dont want one. Man or a woman.

But yes I think child maintanance should be enforced in cases where the child was a mutual decicion.

This thread was bound to get heated - not sure if that was the OP's intention, but nevertheless many women (including myself) feel emotional/hurt/angry at some of the comments on here. I, for one, don't regret any of my decisions regarding children (and I'll be upfront and tell you that I have had an abortion as well as a now four year old child) . There is no easy decision regarding an unwanted pregnancy; each option comes with huge emotional (and physical) implications. Let's have a little bit of kindness & understanding.

why should she have the right to decide to have an abortion when the baby is wanted by its other parent?
Someone please tell me that this question is not actually for real.
As by the reasoning of this statement I can only deduce that the poster thinks that a woman who doesn't want to have a baby should be forced to go through a pregnancy with all its risks and give birth to a baby that she doesn't want just because the man she slept with did.

How would you plan to police that solina? He said, she said?

enlightened western woman
Who according to your views should be forced to give birth against their will if a man says so and they were (in your opinion) stupid enough to get pregnant because they had vaginal sex as opposed to oral or anal sex.

Fuck right off.

www.mediaite.com/online/11-year-old-rape-victim-forced-to-give-birth-to-rapists-baby-lives-through-delivery/

Possible trigger Utterly horrific ^^

What about if a woman tells a sexual partner she is infertile (but is lying in the hopes of becoming pregnant, yes, very far fetched, I know) Or she is using contraception plus condoms and it all fails? Or deliberately goes out with the aim of getting pregnant but doesn't want the biological father involved, doesn't swap numbers etc? Still 50% responsibility?

The woman is equally responsible and at far more risk and is literally left holding the baby even if the father walks away, but with regards to abortion, I cannot imagine how appalling that is for a man who wants the baby. But sod rapists wanting to force the woman, they should have their cocks chopped off and no wonder Ted Cruz got nowhere in his quest to be President.

Abortion is not murdering a child OK, but at 24 weeks, it's recognisably a baby and I've recently seen cases where a still born (OK, later than 24 weeks) has been kept on cool packs in order to allow grieving parents to say goodbye over a period of time. A friend had her baby at about 24 weeks last year, it was very traumatic, but baby M is now a fabulous little girl. If the foetus/baby/whatever you want to call it is viable at 24 weeks, I'm a little as to the above statement.

pride I dont think it is possible to prove these things which is why it shouldnt be forced on. If the other person is clear on not wanting a child from the start then you cant really force them to have a relationship with the child you decided to have despite the other biological parent clearly telling you they do not wish to do the same.

Einna

As a childfree by choice woman your posts give me chills. i asked to be strerilised and was refused.

Im pro choice and would have had an abortion had i ever needed to.

You can force them to pay though. And the problem with the 'being clear from the start' is that peoples actions don't necessarily match their aims. So for example we often have threads on here where one party says they don't want a child but has sex without contraception anyway. People can be very good about disassociating actions from possible consequences.

Women ovulate. Men produce sperm. Will someone please explain why one gender is 'more responsible' than the other?

You can force them to pay though. And the problem with the 'being clear from the start' is that peoples actions don't necessarily match their aims. So for example we often have threads on here where one party says they don't want a child but has sex without contraception anyway. People can be very good about disassociating actions from possible consequences.

Fuck me.

I had to check the calendar. Yep. 2016 and some 'women' think men should have to give consent for a woman to have an abortion. Slight good news is that I don't believe it's a woman who typed that bile.

God I'd love to get 50% of child costs from my ex. Until last month he paid around half the legal minimum.

Then thanks to MN I grew a pair and told him to pay up and start picking my DD up if he wants to see her rather than me doing all the round trips.

He hates me now but I'm much less stressed

That aside, I do think that there should be mutual respect in a relationship. If the woman says she's taking precautions then her partner should be able to rely on that in a committed relationship and shouldn't have to use condoms to prevent pregnancy. If contraception falls, that's one thing. If he's trapped into it then it's unfair he should have to pay, but that's life. 50/50. or 90/10 according to the govt