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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for an induction because I'm terrified of stillbirth?

27 replies

freakedoutlady · 31/07/2016 13:49

Didn't feel like this with DD (9) or DS (11). I'm 35 and 39 +4. This is baby with new partner. Will be out only chance for various reasons. I'm having a boy.

I'm on the GAP programme and have had lots of scans as DD was born small with a bowel defect - although lovely and healthy.

Although the growth has tailed off a bit my waters and placenta are apparently fine. Consultant waved me off on Friday having given me a sweep and said not to worry.

I constantly fear that this baby will be stillborn despite all the scans, no obvious health problems and knowing that the odds are 2 in 1000 at this stage.

I'm contemplating asking for an induction because I'm SO SCARED.

Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
freakedoutlady · 31/07/2016 13:52

I'm actually jealous of a friend who is breech because her baby will be out and safe soon either via c section or turn and induction. I feel ashamed of feeling like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
freakedoutlady · 31/07/2016 13:55

..and I'm scared because I've come down with a phlegmy cough virus. If that will risk him.

And I'm scared the sweep coul cause an infection that could result in loosing him.

I'm just so scared and I can't stop feeling scared :'(

OP posts:
April2013 · 31/07/2016 14:17

I had a similar situation and asked for this but was persuaded that it was safest to wait whilst having daily monitoring and this worked for me - so this is an option, but if this would not work for you then YANBU at all to ask for an early induction. The induction I found reassuring because of the continuous monitoring - even if you end up not having an induction you could still ask for this maybe, though then you will probably be bed bound. The most important thing is to get all the pros and cons of both options and the view from an expert about which is best for you.

TribbleTrouble · 31/07/2016 14:18

Ok, so a sweep, your baby is currently in a totally sterile enviroment (waters). So any sweep is very unlikely to result in an infection for baby.

As for your cough, your baby will have the benefit of your immunity that you'll have passed onto him throughout the pregnancy.

As for being scared, it is normal to feel scared and it's normal to feel anxious. However your anxiety seems to be reaching fever pitch, and you really need to speak to someone about it.

April2013 · 31/07/2016 14:20

...if you are very anxious right now just go and get monitored this afternoon, they should be very happy to reassure you all is fine.

TribbleTrouble · 31/07/2016 14:20

I think emotionally you're obviously very invested in this pregnancy, talk of it being the only one for you and your partner, your last chance etc. So I expect this thought has been magnified in your head in a way in which it wasn't during previous pregnancies.

Have you spoken with anyone about it?

DearTeddyRobinson · 31/07/2016 14:23

Honestly, I would nag for an induction on the grounds of anxiety or something. Sometimes your instinct is the best guide. If you feel baby would be safer outside, then have a serious talk with your midwife. At the very least, daily monitoring seems sensible if you are so anxious x

Misselthwaite · 31/07/2016 14:26

I think you can ask but they will likely say no. But it may help to focus on why they'll say no and that's because for now baby is safer there. I know its hard and I can understand how you feel. I think the last few weeks of pregnancy are exciting but very scary and I found it hard to actually relax.

AGruffaloCrumble · 31/07/2016 14:28

I think they will say no but they might bring a standard induction forward. You have a maximum of 17 days to go if you went to 42 weeks. Induction can hold it's own risks. I would ask for frequent monitoring instead. Flowers

allowlsthinkalot · 31/07/2016 14:29

The risks of induction are actually quite high. When I researched it I decided I would never agree to it. It would be natural birth or c section for me. I wouldn't push for induction in your situation although the anxiety must be horrible. Going into labour spontaneously is really much safer.

Goingtobeawesome · 31/07/2016 14:33

Could you try natural ways of bringing on labour?

DD was late. I had a couple walks, curry, rhubarb and custard. 24 hour labour with pushing for 20 minutes.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 31/07/2016 14:46

💐 you poor thing x

I agree that an induction is unlikely to be the best thing for you & your DS.

Is there anything you could buy or hire that would give you a bit of peace from the anxiety?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 31/07/2016 14:47

I mean some monitoring equipment not a DVD or something 😁

Brummiegirl15 · 31/07/2016 14:48

Nope I totally totally get this. I had 3 mcs before having my DD and I was so unbelievably terrified of stillbirth that I asked for a c section. Because of all my losses, I refused to believe there wasn't going to be something wrong and my placenta would fail at the end rather than the beginning and my baby would be still born.

Even trying this brings back memories of the terror an my consultant agreed my level of anxiety meant that a c section was a good option and that it meant I would never go past 39 weeks.

He also casually asked what I would do if I went in to early labour. I was so relieved that I'd been listened to and was getting my c-section that I brushed that question off saying I'd think about it if that ever happened.

You know where this is going don't you?

34 weeks - on sodding Christmas Eve no less!! DD makes her very early arrival shooting out like a flipping cannon ball! No chance for my C section. She was THAT fast.

But I totally 110% remember that crippling fear like it was yesterday

jacks11 · 31/07/2016 14:50

I am sorry you are so worried. Agree with others that it is worthwhile discussing your fears with your midwife, as you seem very anxious and this is having a negative impact on you. They may be able to provide you with reassurance.

By all means discuss possible induction, but if all has shown to be well on scan/CTG and so on it is most likely your baby is absolutely fine. Inductions have their own risks, as well as benefits- and can fail which means you could end up in caesarean section. You need to discuss this with your midwife and/or obstetrician and find out what the risks vs benefits are for you- they really will be best placed to advise you on what is safest for you and your baby.

specialsubject · 31/07/2016 14:54

There are no natural ways to bring on labour - the old wives tales of curry etc are coincidence.

I wish you all the best for some very happy news soon.

CountessOfStrathearn · 31/07/2016 14:55

The risks of induction are not "actually quite high". Hmm There are some risks of both induction and spontaneous delivery, not forgetting that the reason for induction is often in higher risk pregnancies where the baseline risks are already slightly higher. The risks of C section are actually lower after 41 weeks with induction rather than waiting.

freaked, I'd really encourage you to speak about things with a sympathetic midwife and come up with a plan. At your gestation, the risks of induction and waiting are really very, very similar. Perhaps if you had your induction booked for 40+7 or 10 or something with monitoring in between, knowing you have a plan might help you to feel a bit better. It may be though that this is a sign of pregnancy-related anxiety, rather than the main issue if you know what I mean, so do speak to your GP or midwife if your anxiety doesn't settle.

Goingtobeawesome · 31/07/2016 15:07

I don't think it was coincidence.

jellybeans · 31/07/2016 15:34

I felt the same. I had 2 previous stillbirths and 2 miscarriages. Due to me being high risk (blood thinners, cervical sticth in situ) they agreed to c section at 37/38 weeks.

However for some people the anxiety doesn't go away after healthy birth. For me it is ongoing and became very overprotective and worried about everything. However DS did have health issues and I had ptsd.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 31/07/2016 19:06

My only advice is to speak to your midwife about how you feel. Try to take what she says on board, whichever way she goes with this. Induction is no walk in the park, but I'd push for a plan to be out in place, at least. As someone else said, just knowing that there is a plan might relieve some of your anxiety. I'd also be trying all the natural old wives tales, like curry, sex, orange juice or whatever. I hope everything goes well for you, and let us know when you've had your baby!

Champagneformyrealfriends · 31/07/2016 19:15

Speak to your midwife. My induction failed and I had a c section. It wasn't a pleasant experience all in all.
You sound very anxious, much like I was at around 20 weeks. Please try not to let your fears force you to make an uneven start decision.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 31/07/2016 19:15

Unnecessary *

DailyFaily · 31/07/2016 19:30

You're not unreasonable and I'd say you're more informed than most about the risk of stillbirth. It would probably be useful for you to have a discussion with a consultant about this (they are the only ones who will sanction an early induction in most areas - midwives can advise only). They should be able to explain more of the risks and benefits of induction versus waiting - if you like to go prepared then it may be worth looking at the results of the 35/39 trail (this was a study done recently where women who were 35 or older were randomly allocated to be induced at 39 weeks or to get normal care - the study showed no difference in the number of Caesarean sections performed in the group that were induced at 39 weeks and the group who received normal care - of course there's more to a good birth experience than whether or not you end up with a caesarean but since it's often mentioned as a reason not to be induced it's worth knowing).

Mamalicious16 · 31/07/2016 19:46

I asked to be induced if I hadnt had my now two year old by my due date. Am an older mum ( and was single at the time due to Dd dad being a controlling narcissist) And her due date was 22/12 which couldve meant my older two (one having autism) going into care over Xmas as I literally had no one to stay overnight with them. (luckily at the eleventh hour a friend had them overnight). I was induced on the 22nd and had her early hours 23rd and was home the same day so home for xmas ( also a lady on my pregnancy group went 8 days overdue with hers ( she was in her early twenties ) And sadly had a stillbirth :(

SeenYourArse · 31/07/2016 21:19

All I can say is that I have been where you are,my DS is 7 weeks old tomorow and we tried for him for 3.5 years after miss carrying a baby at 14 weeks previously. We wanted him so much that I was terrified the whole way through my (textbook!) pregnancy I was so happy to be carrying him that it almost didn't seem possible for a happy healthy baby and me t be mine too as an outcome? Be strong and try to stay calm my son is perfect and I laboured perfectly well too you will get there