To be so embarrassed and feel tired of being the way I am?

[VioletBam]

I've always had difficulties recognising people and have also always had problems with getting lost.

I can't recognise people that I know. Recently I discovered this condition was "an actual thing" called prosopagnosia. Most people call it Face Blindness.

I am not VERY bad with it...I know my own family for instance. But if I see for example...one of my children's teachers outside the confines of their classroom, then I won't know them from Adam.

All my life I have had situations where people would just start talking to me...and I'd have no idea who they were.

Sometimes they'd say things like "Don't you know me?" or "It's X! From Y!" and get annoyed.

Well it's just happened again. I'm in Australia and it's day here. I was walking down a street which is long and eventually leads to my own. There had been a procession in the village...and DD and I were returning.

A woman was walking behind us...she smiled and caught up with DD and I and said "Do you take the short cut or go the long way?"

And I looked blankly at her and said "I usually go the long way or I get lost...but how do you know where I'm going?"

Then DD said "Mum! It's Emily's Mum!"

Emily is DD's friend...she lives on our street...three doors up. I have this woman's number...she has been round to my house to collect her DD. I've met her husband. I've met this woman about 30 times since we moved in a year ago.

I decided to be open and said "I have face blindness" and she just laughed and carried on chatting.

Does she now think I'm a weirdo or rude?

It's happened SO often. I also get lost all the time. And can't recognise our car or the cars of other people I should do.

I'm sick of it!

Oh yep fuckit. Just that.

And a friend when I asked which my child was "oh gosh you really don't know do you," er I've mentioned this to most people over the years but that doesn't mean they understand, or not feel affronted when I don't recognise them

I have this. After years of panic and worry, I've started being really open about it. I do warn people that chances are if I pass them in the street I won't recognise them. It has made life much easier. I've also learned coping strategies - I'm much better with voices than faces and that particularly helps me with following film plots etc - something I've always struggled with!

My DH remembers everyone, even people he saw once years ago. It's very irritating and even though he well knows about my face blindness he still says stupid things like 'it's so and so! How can you not recognise him'

Im not trying to minimise anything i can understand its very distressing and frustrating but if you invest too much in what other people think of you then the only person who suffers is you , if you have people in your life who are so mean that they blame you for something you cannot help do you really want those kind of people in your life ?

Mymouth you are not being at all helpful or even trying to understand

It's all well and good to say oh well if they're real friends they'll understand..

but it doesn't just happen in your social circle. For me it's easier with friends who I have personal details about.

It happens at work, where you can't just go "if you're not understanding I don't need you in my life" to your managers or clients

It happens in customer service situations

It's not something you can mitigate against with a facebook cull FFS!

but if you invest too much in what other people think of you then the only person who suffers is you

No it's bloody not! If it causes a problem at work that can affect the rest of the team, especially if I'm roped into a meet and greet type open evening which I'm guffing up awfully! (and no, I can't exepmt myself, NOBODY likes doing them..)

If you lose cliens and earn less your family suffers

we're not just delicate snowflakes who are getting upset that some people might not like us

please step away from this thread if you're not willing to try to get it!

if you have people in your life who are so mean that they blame you for something you cannot help do you really want those kind of people in your life

What like the police who blamed me for not helping with the photofit?
Yes, I DO want the police in my life if I need them thanks

Sorry i will back away from this im not about to put my life story out to strangers but i do understand i was trying to be supportive , if it affects work have a meeting with your managers , its classed as a disability and they cant discriminate against you due to the disability discrimination act , i hope you get some answers but i doubt you will because this seems to be a woe is me and how dare anyone say anything i dont agree with

I have this - especially with people out of context.

Once, when walking down the street, I saw a man waving at me. I knew I recognised him, but I just couldn't place him, so I smiled, waved and carried on walking. He chased after me.

It was DH

I really struggle with this as well.

Occasions like weddings are the worst. I can sit and chat with a group of people at the reception for several hours remembering them as "Janet is the lady in the green dress with swirls" and "Roy has a pink hanky in his top pocket".

Next morning at breakfast when Janet is wearing jeans, flip flops and a ponytail and Rory has his Metallica t-shirt on I have absolutely no idea who they are.

DH is the complete opposite and can recognise people who he hasn't seen for years or who 'played the next door neighbour in that episode of Juliet Bravo in 1979..."

"Today 09:55 VioletBam

DeadGood what stops me telling people I've just met is that it seems like oversharing.

People with say...dyslexia don't have to say "Nice to meet you! I'm Tom and by the way I'm dyslexic!"

I feel that sometimes, the confession would be unnecessary as I won't perhaps have cause to chat to ALL people I'm introduced to again.

And look what happened to me today! The woman never acknowledged what I said at all and I felt embarrased."

1. It's not oversharing. I have a friend who is deaf in one ear. If I go to sit on her left side, she will stop me and say "sorry, would you mind sitting on my other side - I can't hear you otherwise".

Different condition, similar potential outcome of accidentally offending people. Yes, my friend could not say anything, thinking "better not overshare", then sit there apparently ignoring me when in reality she simply can't hear a word I'm saying.

Or, she could just tell me and then everybody's happy.

2. The dyslexia comparison doesn't work because your neighbour's dyslexia is very unlikely to impact on you, whereas prosopagnosia will have an impact on those who know you.

1. What happened today didn't go well because the embarrassment had already been caused. The other woman was confused and embarrassed, you (and your daughter by the sound of it) were also embarrassed. That's when people stammer, speak quickly and make less sense, and also possibly sound like they are making excuses.

I'm just saying that if you get the chance - obviously not with every single person you meet, because we all know that would be unfeasible - it might be worth mentioning to some people. Because otherwise, yes, people won't understand it and will be offended. And that is not fair on you.

From my reading of your daughter's reaction, it sounds as if she may not even be aware of your condition?

I suppose my point is, it does sound like you have some shame around this issue OP and t might be worth examining why that is and how you can get past it (flowers)

Oh god. This is me.

I listened to the radio 4 programme on it recently and within minutes had about 4 phone calls from family who had happen d to listen and rang up to say 'that's you that is' the interesting thing was the interview with Stephen Fry who said he felt it was a pain but not as bad as something like dyslexia..I am very dyslexic but tbh the face blindness is way more of a handicap socially.

I have failed to recognise my own sister and parents on occasions.

I have this as a mild form. I think DS1 who is dyslexic and probably ASD does too.

I teach and spend September learning names of all my students and find it very hard. I get there in the end but spend a lot of time looking at photos of my classes and repeatedly asking students their names.

Socially Facebook has been amazing for me as I have used it to learn names and faces of mums of my kids friends.

I think because mine is mild I've managed over the years to hide it to a degree. I've definitely got strategies to help. If I was granted a single wish to change something about myself it would be this.

Yep, me too - all my life.

I'm not good with names either, but remember 'stories' or context.
So, I may have no clue who I am talking to as their face/voice/mannerisms don't help, right up until they say something about a share experience and then, suddenly, Ii know everything about them

I don't volunteer the information that I have a problem with this on introduction (that would be odd) but I am quite upfront when it comes to having to apologise (again!) to somebody who I ought to have known but didn't.

OP you are in good company! Numerous times in my life I have thought that 2 different people were the same person .. only realised when they were finally stood together. I was like omg I'm hallucinating.. oh wait no, face blindness strikes again. Oops. Sometimes people get offended if I don't instantly know who they are out of context, but to be honest someone who gets offended over it isn't someone I need in my life! I usually slap a big smile on my face and say something like "oh I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you" and maybe add "I'm really tired" or "I was in my own little world" if they look a bit and leave it there. No harm done, no big deal, everyone can move on with their lives. I think it helps to laugh and smile and make it into a bit of " that's just a quirk of mine" rather than take it seriously, other people pick up on the positivity. I used to get really frustrated by it and feel a bit useless but DH finds it hilarious (in a nice way) so I guess he gave me the confidence to find it funny too. Yes to getting easily confused by movies where actors look similar! Poor DH always has to explain who is doing what!

Oh just to be totally clear, I'm not suggesting face blindness should be laughed at

I managed a fairly spectacular zero on that test! And I could have sworn I was looking at the same picture several times, but they said not. Ah well!

To answer your question, salty, yes I love reading and I read a lot.

bananafish, that's exactly how I am with films and tv series. DH gets very frustrated with me.

I wouldn't feel comfortable telling people who I don't know well (or really see the need) but I do usually warn them that I'm terrible at remembering names when they introduce themselves.

Like Definitely, mine works in context too. I've met one of our delivery drivers enough to recognise him when he knocks on our door however I had a very embarrassing moment when he recognised me outside of the house, spoke to me and I didn't have a clue who he was (he didn't have his glasses on which didn't help)! He commented on it the next time he came to our house.

It's a bit of a relief to know that there are so many of us out there.

I'm throb if I see people out of their usual context, but general ok if I know someone, although may recognise them but not cruelly know who they are / name / where I know them from. Think mine is a part of having ME though and the brain fog, as didnt used to be an issue, in fact I could remember too much!

I am autistic and I also have this, I believe the two conditions are often co-morbid.

Examples: I once worked with a woman with short straight white blonde hair. She came in once having not straightened her hair that morning - it was naturally very curly, as it turned out.

I had no idea who she was. I had worked with her for ten years at that point.

I was on a bus once and two young lads attacked another passenger, one of them with a key, trying to stab him in the eye. The police took a statement from me as I had written down a detailed description of the
two culprits during the incident. The policewoman read it and then asked me to actually describe them - I was really put out but I now realised I had just described their hair, height and clothing and nothing about their facial features, so I understand with the benefit of hindsight where I went wrong.

If you are "out of your usual context" - that is, if you are not where I usually see you - on the bus, at work, in a shop - then I will usually not know who you are.

If people have aged slightly since I last saw them - not changing their hairstyle or weight, just getting a few wrinkles or grey hairs - I will not usually recognise them.

I can't remember people's names very well either. It all makes for some interesting conversations at times!!!

Does anyone else have to get their DH to go through photos, to tell them which ones are of us / our children? It's particularly bad for ballet shows (costumes and identical hair) and big groups (eg class photos).

I'm not good on accents but I did used to memorise buggies and slings at baby groups, which helped. At work I learn people's clothes after a while, which makes women easier but blokes in suits are still a big problem. Unfortunately a lot of the most senior people are all late middle aged blokes in suits...

Wow, I didn't know this was a diagnosable thing. All my life I've been terrible with faces - it's been the family joke. Aged about eight I had a screaming fit when someone I thought was a complete stranger tried to give me a hug at the school gates. Turned out it was my mother after a haircut. When I'm out and about I don't recognise anyone I'm not expecting to see. At work, if the context tells me who I'm meeting then I'm OK, but I can mix up colleagues I know quite well if I'm in a big meeting - and I have to see people many, many times to have any chance of recognising them. I'm also useless with directions and I have to have done a journey literally hundreds of times to feel confident with it. I've given up driving because I could never find the way anywhere - and trying to work out where I was while driving, reading directions and so on was so stressful. I had no idea this was anything other than having a very poor visual memory, which is what I've always told people. How amazing that it's an actual condition.

Those who've been diagnosed with it, did you get a formal diagnosis, or did you recognise it yourself?

Does anyone else have to get their DH to go through photos, to tell them which ones are of us / our children?

Yep, especially when they're in a costume of any kind.

I'm also a nightmare to watch TV or a film with because it takes me so long to recognise any of the characters. On my own I'll typically play the first few minutes several times over just to remember who is who.

You're not doing it on purpose. You're not being rude.

Just have a chat to her or text her asking her to come round at a certain time, then explain to her.

I think we should laugh at it -- I say that as someone who has FB.
Don't laugh at horrible violence that people have done. Or deliberate cruelty.
But silly things about ourselves that make for constant irritation, definitely fair game, how else do you deal with frustration.