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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To all that love their MIL - No haters allowed!!

108 replies

Crankyblob · 29/07/2016 21:00

13 years ago I could have written a thousand mumsnet threads about my MIL. (I probably did!)

How I felt undermined by her mothering advice, how she would take DD for the day and not tell me where she was going only to Coke home and tell me they had been to the seaside... So much like the threads I see all the time here! I could make her sound like a right dragon if I wanted to and at the time I thought deservedly so!

With 13 years hindsight and practically no relationship left! I realise that even though she got plenty wrong, she loved her GC with all her heart. I took a beautiful relationship away from both her and my DC simply because I "as the DC mum" had final say and wanted to butt heads with her on everything!

I know they are not all perfect but it would be great to have a thread with some nice MIL stories!!

OP posts:
sleepy16 · 29/07/2016 22:28

My mil was the mum I never had, had a beautiful soul and never got involved with dh or I if we fell out for whatever reason.
Unfortunately she never got to meet any of her grandchildren as she passed away at 41.
Miss her a lot, we talk to the children about there nan a lot.

becciandbump · 29/07/2016 22:31

I never got to meet my mother in law as DH lost her before we met. Ive heard so much about her and would have cherished a mother in law faults and all x

varvara · 29/07/2016 22:40

What a nice thread! Smile. I love my MIL. She is a very quiet and humble person, but is actually a very well-travelled person and has led a fascinating life - we all love hearing her stories and she still has the ability to surprise us with one of her recollections! She is an incredibly strong person; she has also endured a lot of difficult times and has had numerous health problems to contend with in her old age. But she never ever complains - she just keeps on. She is an inspiration, and if I could have half her strength and grace I would be happy. She is also a lovely granny to my DS and his cousins!

ilovesooty · 29/07/2016 22:42

I lost contact with my mil when my marriage ended. I miss her desperately.

Beautifulstorm · 29/07/2016 22:51

I love mine! Nice to see an honest post too. I know some are nightmares but at times its the DIL too!

magimedi · 29/07/2016 22:52

As a MIL I am just loving this thread.

Since I have become a MIL I have learnt tact & how to keep my mouth shut!

It does seem to have paid off - I love my DIL - she is great & the best thing that has ever happened to DS.

Tryingtostayyoung · 29/07/2016 22:58

I love my mil. Sometimes I don't agree with everything she says or does and she can be emotionally manipulating over my DH at times but I know she would do anything for us and always has good intentions. No ones perfect!!

aprilanne · 29/07/2016 23:05

i hope i am a good MIL to sons partner i never interfere if son starts moaning i just ignore .i always am on hand to baby sit my grandaughters.when there parents are working always ask if i can visit any other time .i hope she knows i adore her like the daughter i never had but i am always mindful she has her own mum and never would i try to muscle in on that relationship .i am in no way perfect but i try to be the total opposite of my mil now there is one nasty woman .

paddypants13 · 29/07/2016 23:11

My mil passed away when dh was still a child. I wish I had had the privilege of knowing her.

I love my fil and sil though. (Even though fil drives me round the bend sometimes!)

kurlique · 29/07/2016 23:15

My MIL has definitely mellowed over the years (& I have learnt the art of letting it wash over me most of the time) and she is very light touch with her expectations, no guilt trips about frequency of visits etc. 😊😊😊

My own DM, however, is making the opposite journey and I am finding it much much harder to keep my trap shut with her... And as for the guilt-trips...😤😤😤

ChilliMum · 29/07/2016 23:24

What a great thread. I love my Mil too, we don't always see eye to eye and we have had a few disagreements but she has always made me feel just one of the family and she has supported me and helped out where she can. She is a fab nanny and loves the dc and they love her. Good bits and bad bits I wouldn't swap her for anything.

age81 · 29/07/2016 23:31

I love my MIL, she has never caused any trouble or interfered in my relationship with DH.
As a mum of boys, she said on my wedding day that she finally had a daughter. She is just perfect SmileSmile

M0nstersinthecl0set · 29/07/2016 23:34

They all keep to themselves. Wink I have 3 (well sort of 3 MIL). The exMIL I don't ever communicate with and that is good Confused.
But the 2 I have now are actually lovely. They do live their own lives and respect I and their son / DsS also have our lives. They'd be there if I / we needed them (and have only said helpful things in trying situations) but they're not clamouring to be overly "nice" or always involved, they're not at all rude, if they feel they may have been misconstrued they make their meaning clear. They're taking their time to get to know me gradually and are perfectly nice natural people.

1mouse2 · 29/07/2016 23:34

My mil was great, when dh and i got married she told me to just tell if she was turning into the mil from hell as she had one(some of her stories would make your hair stand on end)

She saved xmas for us a couple of times, one time they arrived( stayed most years for xmas and new year, I loved having them and miss them now) and she realised I wasn't coping, toddler, dh working 70+ hours as a taxi driver, dm had died recently and stepdad had terminal cancer. She made me go to drs and looked after me and dd1 for the fortnight they were over.

When dd2 was born dh took off as much time as he could but it was before paternity leave and he had not long started a new job, he realised I was going to need some help(c-section, moved house only 3 weeks before so still getting organised, dd1 got chicken pox when dd2 was 3 days old and my stepmum got shingles. He phoned mil and she dropped everything and was on the ferry next morning (live on isle of man) and stayed for 10 days.

She died just before xmas and she's greatly missed by all of us

FindoGask · 29/07/2016 23:36

Loved my MIL too. She died two months before my eldest was born (her first grandchild) and I miss her. No doubt we would have fallen out a few times once children were on the scene - we would probably have had different ideas about how to do things and she wouldn't have been able to hide it if she disagreed with anything I did - but she was a good person, essentially thoughtful and kind - and I reckon we'd have built an even stronger relationship if we'd had the chance.

MehMehM3h · 29/07/2016 23:41

What a lovely thread! I loved my MIL, she was amazing and so accepting of me. She'd tell Mr Meh off and I really miss her -I think we all do. She died nearly 3 years ago (8 months after our wedding) and I've been thinking about her a lot.

I'm sad that I only got to know her/have her in my life for 3 years, but am thankful for that short space of time too. I am glad she got to see us get married and take part in our wedding

Zxzx · 29/07/2016 23:44

My MIL is lovely. She is a bit boring and a bit irritating but she is very well meaning. She has never said anything 'off' to me and I've known her over 30 years.

She tells me that I'm pretty and slim every time I see her. It makes me smile but it's quite sweet really. She also can't stop talking about how wonderful my kids are. i find it a bit cring'y but it's quite sweet too.

Queenofthecats · 29/07/2016 23:45

My MIL is a PITA. She is the sort of person you could write 1000 threads about.

But j love her to bits. I have a closer relationship with her than I have ever had with my own mum.

shabbs · 29/07/2016 23:46

I truly hope I am a good MIL. Had my 8 year old grandson on a sleepover tonight, my little curly 'gingernut! He is such a credit to his Mum & Dad. They are fairly strict with him, but he knows they love him beyond life itself. Lovely to see how many women appreciate their MIL's on this thread xx

FairyDogMother11 · 29/07/2016 23:51

My MIL is lovely also. She's kind and fun and an excellent cook Grin she's also under no illusions about her son - she knows he can be a pain and on occasion has fought my corner for me and won Wink
my friends were discussing earlier how awkward theirs are and I said then how lucky I must be!

practy · 29/07/2016 23:51

I was so upset when my MIL died. I still miss her.

BigcatLittlecat · 30/07/2016 00:03

I really love my mil. She made the man I love who he is. She is always so supportive and kind and nothing is too much trouble for her. She once told me I was an angel sent from heaven for her son! Not sure about that!

MilnersGold · 30/07/2016 00:05

My MIL died when DH was 16 so I never met her. I wish I could, we would have so much in common.

I still use her handwritten recipes for cooking some family favourites. The DC say "I love mummy's XXX" & I always gently remind them it is their granny's recipe not mine :(

If only my DC could have met her, particularly DC2 who has such a striking likeness to her

Catinthecorner · 30/07/2016 00:10

My MIL is lovely. I fear I'm not what she wanted in a DIL, but she is so very welcoming to me. We are very different people, but can enjoy a glass of wine together and she is incredibly generous with her family.

SquidgyRedBall · 30/07/2016 00:18

My MIL (to be) is absolutely amazing! She's so mumsy and total opposite of my mum (who is equally amazing) but they are so different but also get on so well. If she was my mum I would find her (and FIL) too much, but as PIL I could not ask for a better pair as she respects my decisions and sticks up for me against DF.

We have no DC yet but I know she will be the most amazing GM.

It might help that they live a few hours away.

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