To all that love their MIL - No haters allowed!!

[Crankyblob]

13 years ago I could have written a thousand mumsnet threads about my MIL. (I probably did!)

How I felt undermined by her mothering advice, how she would take DD for the day and not tell me where she was going only to Coke home and tell me they had been to the seaside... So much like the threads I see all the time here! I could make her sound like a right dragon if I wanted to and at the time I thought deservedly so!

With 13 years hindsight and practically no relationship left! I realise that even though she got plenty wrong, she loved her GC with all her heart. I took a beautiful relationship away from both her and my DC simply because I "as the DC mum" had final say and wanted to butt heads with her on everything!

I know they are not all perfect but it would be great to have a thread with some nice MIL stories!!

My MIL is a lovely lady. She has advice when it's needed, but doesn't mind if it's not heeded. She has spent time with each of the children, even my children who are not her bio grandchildren, and has a lovely relationship with them; she knows what they like and don't like. She's supportive without being interfering. She currently has 5 of my 6 children on holiday with FIL (baby is teeny tiny) and they are having a ball.

I'm also lucky to have a MIL-IL, DH's MIL from his first marriage. Despite the fact it must be incredibly painful to have lost her daughter so young and then see DH meet someone else, and see me build a parent-child relationship with her grandson she is wonderful. She's kind and considerate. She treats his siblings better than some grandparents treat their own and she's allowed me and DS to build our relationship without any interferance (except for once to tell him off when he played the 'you're not my mum it's not your business' when he was an angry 13yo). It must have broken her heart the first time she heard DS call me or refer to me as Mum, but somehow she gives it her full support because it's best for him.

The two of them helped me wallpaper my bathroom last week. I've never laughed so much in my life!

Cranky have you ever told your MIL that you feel like this? It might not be too late to salvage the relationship...

I love my MIL, she isn't perfect and there's plenty I could say negative but I recognise there's plenty about me that isn't perfect either. We get along great and we're happy to be family.

I've been very lucky my ex mil was fantastic for the 19 years I was with my ex husband and continued to be after our split. My current partners mother is also wonderful and I get on really well with her.

My mil used to drive me crazy when dd was little but I have to say she's fantastic. Loves her dgs with all her heart, always wants to help out, tries not to interfere. She's very close to them. They adore her. I know that the relationship she has with them will positively influence them for the rest of their lives and when they're older they'll cherish her memories. I like to think that one day if given the chance I will be like her, and a better mil, thanks to the kindness she's shown me.

cranky has something happened?

My mother in law and I weren't close, although I think we both wished we might have been - but we just had very different values and beliefs. But I always knew two things beyond doubt - she raised a good man, and she loved our kids very much. I do miss her and I talk about her a lot to the kids so they remember her funny ways and sayings.

This is very nice thread and a breath of fresh air! I won't sully it by mentioning my MIL

Oh lala, your mil-il sounds amazing, how wonderful that you have found a way to make such a tricky situation work. You both rock.

My MIL is fantastic. I really miss her. She never got to meet my children, which is such a shame as she was an amazing GM to my nieces and nephews. Family was everything to her. She brought her boys up really well, trained them to be courteous, gentle and kind, and to tidy up after themselves and do chores. DH and all his brothers are brilliant in this regard. She was pretty opinionated, but was a wonderful lady. She was a great cook too, and try as I might, I can't replicate some of her recipes. When I was unemployed and newly married she would come over and take me out for lunch to cheer me up, alter my interview suits so they fitted better etc, and she treated me as if I were her own daughter. I didn't appreciate her enough until it was too late, as she died very unexpectedly at 58. I still miss her 12 and a half years on.

sits on the bench with Bettercallsaul1

What a lovely thread, these are so heartwarming to read

I am a big fan of my mother in law. She absolutely loves all her grandkids, gives us free childcare while we work and is never pushy or overbearing. She is just a lovely kind hearted person and I feel lucky that I have a good relationship with her. I actually speak to her more than DH does which I tell him off about all the time!
I have also loved seeing a genuine friendship develop between her and my own mum, they get on great 😊

My MIL tries incredibly hard with me. She had an awful awful MIL and swore she'd never put her DIL through the same.

She's outgoing, loves a wine, dresses like a teenager, has bright red cropped hair and doesn't give a shit what people think of her. I've recently fallen pregnant and I can literally feel her self restraint, not wanting to text or call or be overbearing so I always try to keep her as involved and up to date as my own mum. Love her to bits and count myself incredibly lucky to have her in my life.

My MIL did not want DH to marry me and told him if he did they would have no contact with us. They would not see us for 12 years. However, in my mind, however many awful things she had said etc, she had still managed to produce DH whom I loved and for that I wanted to understand her and her reaction. I determined to love her despite her behaviour and we did all we could to maintain a link. After 12 years we were invited over one Christmas week and my 3 children got to meet their grandparents for the first time aged 11,10 and 8. Since then we have seen them regularly and they have become part of our lives again. FIL is in hospital and it has been great to be allowed to visit and help them plan for how they will cope with having home home again. My MIL is a very complex lady but I want my children to know their family and understand where they came from genetically and understand the family history. I have enjoyed getting to know her slowly and my DH now has a much more mature relationship with his mother, having stood up to her controlling nature and gone his own way and then restored the relationship. It is ALL good. I think too many women see themselves in competition with their MIL's and can make life really hard for the poor DH's stuck in the middle.

My mil is a wonderful woman. She is 72, does high intensity training once a week, has looked after my kids to allow dp and I both to work, she is strong, honest, loyal and would do anything for her family. She drives me bonkers sometimes, but I love her dearly and admire her greatly.

My MIL and I had a rocky few years to start with. We have ALL - me, DH, MIL&FIL - worked really hard on our relationship and now I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without her.

She had a really rough deal with her own parents and a lot of her foibles are explained that way. She supports me 100% and I could go to her in any circumstances. We both love her eldest son more than our own lives and finally this has become our bond rather than our battle. She gives me hope. I love her.

Mines fabulous. Very very nice. She has ds (aged just 1) 3 days afortnight while I'm at work. She brings him home before we get there, gives him dinner, baths and gets him ready for bed. I get home feed story bed. And she also brings a home cooked meal for us!

No nothing has happened! We are in an OK place but 13 years of tit for tat has taken its toll and we have also had periods of NC which can't be taken back now

I just see so many MIL threads in here and I want to scream! Hindsight is a funny thing!

Just thought it would be nice to see a lovely MIL thread

Mine is lovely. I often wished my DM could be like her. I'm very sad that she is showing signs of dementia and misses my fil desperately (even tho he was a pita, bless him!) I wish she lived nearer so I could go and do stuff for her and cook for her and take her out. I think she's horribly bored. :(

I have one who I could quite happily murder at times because of things she says to DP but then again that's her son and up to them to sort out. She has been amazing when my Mum was in hospital and I was going to see her as often as needed because MIL would always offer to babysit the kids (well, 2 out of 3, the eldest is old enough to be at home alone) and never once moaned about how often or how much short notice (if I got a call asking me to get over quickly I would phone her up and say can you babysit right now?) but would always say how great the kids were when I came back.

There is a lot of other stuff happening within her family right now that means there are times I can see that she is no angel but she's in survival mode. I could well be posting a thread about how unreasonable she is if things progress and she lashes out in my or my childrens directions so I'm not going to tempt fate and say anything too glowing about her but so far she has been a great MIL.

I love my MIL. Like properly love her.

She is balsy and fun and intelligent and a total force to be reckoned with. She clearly loves me and thinks everything I do is magic to the point where I could stay walking on my hands and she would declare me to be quite right.

She is a wonderful, fun and compassionate granny who fills my dd's life with joy.

I miss my Mil. She always praised everything l did. Told me my kids were wonderful and l was a great mom. Told me my house always looked lovely even when it was a mess. Admired my clothes, my hair, etc. Not in a false way but in such an encouraging way.My own dm never did any of that so l lapped it up. It was like she was sent to make up for me never getting that growing up.

13 years of tit for tat has taken its toll and we have also had periods of NC which can't be taken back now

I don't believe that. I may be a Pollyanna, but I think the relationship can be, if not completely healed, then made 'better'. Do you think she'd meet you halfway?

My MiL was brilliant. We lost her much, much too soon. She was a source of wisdom and support, just as much as my own mum. If DH and I disagreed she always, always took my side (even though I'm sure there were a couple of times she probably felt he was right). She was an indulgent gramma who knew exactly where to draw the line. She never undermined us. She never 'lectured' or told us what to do. If she knew a better way, she also knew how to tell us about it.

I'm a MiL now and my DiL is so lovely. I try as hard as I can to keep my MiL's example in front of me. I hope my DiL always feels about me the way I felt about her.

I don't dislike my MIL, we get along ok but u wouldn't say I loved her. I don't think she's a very lovable person and is quite cold hearted. Her words when her younger brother died recently "these things happen" and didn't shed a tear!! Now, if you asked me about FIL, I really love him. He's great.

My MIL is a doll. She may sometimes be a bit faffy but she's got a heart of gold and is a wonderful support. She was incredibly kind to me at a time I didn't deserve it. She's a jewel.