Anyone else who's never had a row with their partner?

[WibblyWobblyJellyHead]

Dh and I have been together for ten years, married for six. We've never had a row and very rarely (like once a year) have anything resembling cross words.

It's the only relationship I've ever had like this, and I used to think that rows equalled passion. I don't think that any more.

Our marriage is far from perfect (I've got MH problems, overspend and make stupid rash decisions so im not easy to live with) but he is my best friend and I love, respect and fancy him so having a screaming match or being mean just wouldn't happen.

Anyone else? I haven't put this in Relationships because I don't think it's fair, so I'll shoehorn an AIBU in. AIBU to never row with dh?

[trinitybleu]

Together over 20 years, never a raised voice. We compromise and negotiate to an agreement - I don't see what a screaming row achieves?

Someone said earlier how do you never snap when they are tired or complain when the other one leaves their shit out all over the place ... I complain about it, but in a "sweetie, please could you clear your stuff up? I need to do x" or "the cleaner is coming tomorrow" ... or a simple "oi, put your socks in the hamper!"

At the moment he's spitting blood all over the sink on a regular basis as he's had a tooth extracted. I just wash it away. But then he puts the butter back in the fridge for me and turns the oven off whenever I have left it on. What would shouting achieve?

[WibblyWobblyJellyHead]

We don't bicker, either, and no PA snidiness or game playing. We just genuinely get on and if we disagree (rarely, and usually over money) we talk it out.

It works for us. And we have plenty of passion.

[JohnLithgowsLargeForehead]

For the first 6 years we never did, we're like best friends and quite easy going. Plus we hate arguments as both our parents did it. It's not about bottling things up and avoiding confrontation though, we just don't seem to get that bothered by much. Since having a baby and losing my dad there have been maybe 4 stonkers in the last two years, from stress, tiredness and grief I guess..

I don't judge people who have a good argument every now and then, but I hate hearing couples who bicker constantly- it sounds so wearing for both of them.

[ToastyFingers]

We didn't argue at all for the first 3 years of our relationship, then the odd one until dd1 was born.
We're 9 years in now, and we do occasionally rant and rave or sulk with eachother but only if we've got something else going on really, usually when our parents are pissing us off.

[TitaniasTits]

Urge, people who never argue are weird. My DH used to be one of them, it used to really upset me - he'd just go quiet and refuse to speak to me instead of thrashing out the issue.

Eventually we went for Relate counselling (not just for that - we'd had a complete communication breakdown) and the counsellor was able to articulate why it upset me better than I could. He explained to DH that, for me, arguing was a form of intimacy, so when he refused to argue with me it felt like a personal rejection. I was like yes, that's it's it exactly - it feels like you don't care enough to be bothered to argue!

So now when we disagree we talk and hash it out, and try and reach a compromise if we can't reach an agreement and things are better for it.

[Haroldplaystheharmonica]

No, we don't argue either, been together 18 years. I took the OP to mean shout, sulk and not speak to each other for a while so no, we've never done this.

Sometimes I'll moan at him but he'll make a joke of it and that's it. He's so laid back and easy going that I can't see him every having an argument with anyone. A lively discussion yes, but definitely not rowing here.

[MargaretCavendish]

Out of interest, WibblyWobbly, what did you hope to get out of this thread? Since you're very certain that your relationship is ~the bestest~, and that you have got it all figured out compared to those silly arguing couples - why did you need public validation of this?

[WibblyWobblyJellyHead]

That wasn't my intention at all

I only know two other couples in RL who have never had a screaming row so I wondered how common it is. My parents have been together for 45 years and have a humdinger at least once a day. It works for them. DH's parents have never rowed either though.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

I love a good row- we've had some really blistering ones. Mostly before the kids were born though. We would argue about who was right about a situation though, and never resort to name-calling. The worse it got in that respect was me calling him a twit and him calling me a twit's wife.
The only trouble was, I would always win and sometimes I'd be winning the argument and suddenly realise I was totally wrong. That's annoying.
These days, we tease each other and disagree a bit, but it's mostly good natured. We know each others' danger signs and when to just back off before it gets nasty. I actually think it's good for children to see adults having disputes and then resolving them. I've never seen my parents argue, but I have been stuck in the middle of many frozen silences and that is way more damaging IMO.
I don't really care what other people do and I certainly don't care if they approve of what we do. We laugh together a lot and our relationship gives us and our children great happiness. Job done.

[GreaseIsNotTheWord]

We've been together 12 years and only ever had one huge row, about 10 years ago, before kids. But it was massive and horrible. It was over nothing much (but alcohol fuelled) and just blew up and got nasty quickly...we screamed and shouted abuse at each other, he pushed me, I threw a glass .

As I was storming out, the woman in the flat above ours came out onto the landing and started shouting at me about the noise...I gave her a mouthful back, then her dh came out and started shouting at me, which made dh come out and start shouting at him to leave me the fuck alone...and nearly ended up in a punch up between them. We didn't speak to each other for a week. Never spoke to the neighbours again . Awful and neither of our finest moments.

Haven't really argued since though...think we decided it wasn't for us

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

We don't row a lot, but when we do they are large!

This is mainly because DH will simply not address the elephant in the room and always waits for me to make the first move to talk. He's better since I told him if he really has such little respect for me that he will say his piece then completely ignore me until I apologise then he could fuck off.

[Paddingtonthebear]

Hahahhahah

Er no. Lol

[NickyEds]

I just can't imagine calling dp a twat, or whatever, slamming doors and shouting. One of my best friends rows with her dh and he has called her a selfish fucking bitch, I just can't get my head around that, coming back from that I mean, it's mot like you can un-say it is it?

To those who row, does it achieve what you want it to or is it something that just sort of what happens? I think there's a vision that rows end in compromise followed by passionate make up sex but in my experience with my friends it ends up in them crying/raging into their pint and him sleeping on a mates sofa!

It's not that dp and I never disagree just that it never ends in a row- nothing that we would feel uncomfortable family seeing, you know, not to a level that would get us thrown off Question Time or a night bus.

[Sallystyle]

The only couple I know IRL who never argue only never argue because she just rolls over and lets him decide everything because she doesn't want to rock the boat.

We argue, but mostly just silly disagreements which last five minutes. We have had bigger arguments but they are rare.

I think it is weird to live with someone for years and never have a cross word. I argue with my teens because we annoy each other. We argue healthily and talk it out after but to not have the odd cross word is just odd.

[KatharinaRosalie]

We don't argue (9 years together, 2 kids). We also don't make snide passive-agressive comments. We quite like each other.

Someone asked what about if people leave their shit around - if it bothers the other one, we would simply say 'Honey, please can you collect your coffee cups from around the house?' That's not an argument, is it? I guess you can make it into one, if you then reply that 'But you always....' But as it's a reasonable request, we haven't really seen the need to make a fight out of it.

Does not mean we always agree or one always rolls over. We just discuss and present our case, and either manage to convince the other, or find some kind of a compromise. No raised voices, name calling etc needed.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

OH and I have never argued but we've only been together a month

Ex and I argued a lot and in hindsight I should have left earlier than I did. We had some proper humdingers - slamming doors and he stormed out more than once. We both communicated differently, though, which didn't help. I liked talking things out whereas he would shut down, calm down and want to talk the next day, by which point I was ten times angrier because he'd ignored me all evening!

I think arguing is fine so long as it's healthy and productive, and doesn't happen all the time. I don't understand how people can be happy in relationships where they argue once a week or even once a day! I'd be so stressed!

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

You never argue with your partners. You must have all have a very strange relationships.
Me and DP only see each other a few times a week and we're like an old married couple.
Or do I just tell it how it is

[Silvercatowner]

Apparently I was the small child who sat on the landing listening to their parents yelling abuse at each other. I have no memory of that but I cannot bear arguments. I have to switch radio 4 off if the interviewer is too challenging. :( Me and OH disagree but we don't really argue and we have never, ever shouted at each other - I don't think I'd cope.

[MaQueen]

silver my parents argued a lot when I was growing up. I hate hearing people argue too, and get tense even watching arguments on TV.

But, I am okay arguing with DH because I still feel safe doing, and safe in the knowledge that he loves me regardless.

[littledrummergirl]

We go on holiday tomorrow and have spent the evening loading the trailer and bickering/discussing/disagreeing/ arguing/debating loudly how we were going to fit it in. We both had different ideas of how it would go.
We've been together for 23years so you'd think we'd have it worked out by now.
I can't imagine how our lives would work if we didn't both have input into situations and listened to each other's point of view (even if made to).
Disagreeing with someone is ok as long as you are respectful.

[Maybebabybee]

I don't think disagreeing is the same as arguing.

DP and I have differing opinions on lots of things. But we don't argue.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Oh l have that problem with confrontation on the radio too. Thought l was the only one.
Dh and l row but definitely not as much as we used to. Have sorted out most issues and know each others tipping points. No sulking or passive aggressive stuff but we do clear the air if we need to. Most rows are caused by outside stress. We have yet to learn to be more aware of that.

[eightbluebirds]

We didn't are in the beginning. I thought it meant we were a good, chilled out, couple. In reality I just wasn't communicating with him and pretended I was fine with everything.

We argue now and that's okay with me.

[Zame]

Why are some people being so weird about others that don't argue? Can you really not comprehend that some couples resolve issues without shouting at each other?

[sevent]

With ex-h, we never argued because he was biting his tongue, but I had no idea. Eventually his resentment was so bad, that I suddenly saw it, and after nearly 11 years together and two DCs, we split up.

I remarried and DH has been learning about compromise, and I've been learning to stand my ground because I'm actually quite submissive by nature in daily life. It's quite a learning experience and we've had some huge rows (no name calling though, ever, just raised voices to express intense emotion). I find our intimacy and relationship has grown and stabilised through this process. He has learnt to be more gentle with me (emotionally and relationally) and I am learning to trust that he won't harm me if I disagree with him even when he is furious or determined about something.