Anyone else who's never had a row with their partner?

[WibblyWobblyJellyHead]

Dh and I have been together for ten years, married for six. We've never had a row and very rarely (like once a year) have anything resembling cross words.

It's the only relationship I've ever had like this, and I used to think that rows equalled passion. I don't think that any more.

Our marriage is far from perfect (I've got MH problems, overspend and make stupid rash decisions so im not easy to live with) but he is my best friend and I love, respect and fancy him so having a screaming match or being mean just wouldn't happen.

Anyone else? I haven't put this in Relationships because I don't think it's fair, so I'll shoehorn an AIBU in. AIBU to never row with dh?

[ellanutella8]

There's a difference between disagreement and having an angry row where feelings get hurt. We've been together 6 and a half years and had 2 rows. One was yesterday!

Our communication styles are very similar and we are both quiet. We use a lot of the When you do x it makes me feel y' therapy style talk naturally for some reason.

I'd love a good shouty row once in a while but instead we boringly talk through it instead.

[cricketballs]

Before we got married (church or registry office only option) we had to have 3 discussions with the vicar and the other coupkes who were also going to have their wedding in the same time period. When asked by the vicar what happened when we argued the other two couples pronounced that "they never argue" whilst we were hinest and said that we did, but we did sort it out.

The vicar actually said to us that of the 3 couples we were the one more likely to stay together as we were comfortable enough to 'voice our opinion'!

22 years later we are the only couple still married and still happy to have a row every now and again

[queenMab99]

My first DH and I never really argued we had similar views on most things, and were happy , I thought, then after 18 years he started seeing someone else, he didn't realise I knew, and I waited patiently for it to blow over, he always denied it when asked , which obviously did cause rows. After 4 years I at last LTB. When I met my 2nd husband , it was a totally different sort of relationship, we argued, a lot.but life was never boring with him. I always say the 1st relationship was easier, but the 2nd was more worthwhile.

[Gottagetmoving]

Me and DP have had massive arguments although as time goes on we have less. We never ever call each other names though or tell each other to fuck off etc.
However, me and my ex husband never rowed at all and yet we split up

[BadLad]

We've had three (that I can remember) major arguments in 7 years.

They were passionate arguments but they didn't lead to insults, name-calling or shouting.

So I think we're doing well,

[Titsalinabumsquash]

We don't argue, although I'm quite a shouty person (which I hate!)

He once did something monumentally shit which I spent some time thinking about whether it was bad enough to break the relationship (not cheating or anything) we discussed it without arguing and forgot about it.
He's quite a calming presence in general.

[WorraLiberty]

argue
ˈɑːɡjuː/
verb
1.
give reasons or cite evidence in support of an idea, action, or theory, typically with the aim of persuading others to share one's view.

2.
exchange or express diverging or opposite views, typically in a heated or angry way.

We've often done number 1 but very rarely number 2.

We've been together 15 years.

[BursarsFrogs]

We don't row either. 15 years together. Sure we get grumpy at each other at times, disagree at times, but never had a row or a shouting match over anything. We both grew up in homes where that was common, and just would never want that in our own home. And it just doesn't come naturally for us, I guess.

[Heyheyheygoodbye]

We don't really argue because DH's temperament means it's like trying to fight a cloud. I give it a good go though I'm a shouter and thrower of things. He's a stewer. We work it out between us.

[MrsKoala]

I just can't imagine calling dp a twat, or whatever, slamming doors and shouting. One of my best friends rows with her dh and he has called her a selfish fucking bitch, I just can't get my head around that, coming back from that I mean, it's mot like you can un-say it is it?

The thing about this is some couples don't need to 'un-say' it. It's not actually that bad to us. DH and i are incredibly robust with each other and swear and blow off steam. Neither of us needs to 'come back from it'. Even in our normal interactions we swear and insult each other a bit. Eg today DH has gone off for his hobby without saying goodbye. I know he was in a hurry and excited so i'm not really bothered, but a kiss would have been nice! So i texted 'Thanks for pissing off and not saying goodbye' and he answered 'i just thought bollocks to you'. So then it's not much of a leap when you are genuinely pissed off with someone to call them a selfish twat, for er, being a selfish twat, as most people can be some of the time.

Last week DH came home from seeing his dad (who has dementia and we are trying our best to care for him but it is really stretching us), he was angry about the situation and really was unpleasant to me, i told him to stop it calmly and he didn't so i eventually lost my temper called him a prick and slammed the bedroom door. Minutes later he came and apologised. I didn't tho, because he was being a prick!

The only things i would need to 'come back from' are if he said he didn't love me or want to be married or something like that. Heat of the moment exclamations don't mean that much to me (within reason of course).

[Salmotrutta]

And finally... When my parents did argue when they thought we weren't around it was usually a disagreement of an unimportant nature.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I don't think arguing is disagreeing, though. You can disagree with someone without arguing with them.

[Salmotrutta]

I think some people appear to think an argument is a "screaming/shouting/nasty comments" exchange.

It isn't necessarily just that - it can be an animated disagreement about what colour to paint the walls/how to discipline children/politics.

Arguments can be very calm and controlled actually.

And, if it makes any difference, my parents very rarely argued in front of us - it was mostly done quietly when they thought we were in bed/in our rooms and we tried to model that with our own DC.

We certainly didn't have rip-roaring rows in front of them.

[RaskolnikovsGarret]

We argue all the time but leave the angry ones to when DDs are not around. Been together 19 years.

I almost can't believe so many of you don't disagree about anything, but my DDs never tantrummed as toddlers, and I'd get annoyed if no one believed me, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you.

Very impressive and very far off my life.

[Sallystyle]

Why are some people being so weird about others that don't argue? Can you really not comprehend that some couples resolve issues without shouting at each other?

Why do some people think that arguing means shouting?

[sevent]

With ex-h, we never argued because he was biting his tongue, but I had no idea. Eventually his resentment was so bad, that I suddenly saw it, and after nearly 11 years together and two DCs, we split up.

I remarried and DH has been learning about compromise, and I've been learning to stand my ground because I'm actually quite submissive by nature in daily life. It's quite a learning experience and we've had some huge rows (no name calling though, ever, just raised voices to express intense emotion). I find our intimacy and relationship has grown and stabilised through this process. He has learnt to be more gentle with me (emotionally and relationally) and I am learning to trust that he won't harm me if I disagree with him even when he is furious or determined about something.

[Zame]

Why are some people being so weird about others that don't argue? Can you really not comprehend that some couples resolve issues without shouting at each other?

[eightbluebirds]

We didn't are in the beginning. I thought it meant we were a good, chilled out, couple. In reality I just wasn't communicating with him and pretended I was fine with everything.

We argue now and that's okay with me.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Oh l have that problem with confrontation on the radio too. Thought l was the only one.
Dh and l row but definitely not as much as we used to. Have sorted out most issues and know each others tipping points. No sulking or passive aggressive stuff but we do clear the air if we need to. Most rows are caused by outside stress. We have yet to learn to be more aware of that.

[Maybebabybee]

I don't think disagreeing is the same as arguing.

DP and I have differing opinions on lots of things. But we don't argue.

[littledrummergirl]

We go on holiday tomorrow and have spent the evening loading the trailer and bickering/discussing/disagreeing/ arguing/debating loudly how we were going to fit it in. We both had different ideas of how it would go.
We've been together for 23years so you'd think we'd have it worked out by now.
I can't imagine how our lives would work if we didn't both have input into situations and listened to each other's point of view (even if made to).
Disagreeing with someone is ok as long as you are respectful.

[MaQueen]

silver my parents argued a lot when I was growing up. I hate hearing people argue too, and get tense even watching arguments on TV.

But, I am okay arguing with DH because I still feel safe doing, and safe in the knowledge that he loves me regardless.

[Silvercatowner]

Apparently I was the small child who sat on the landing listening to their parents yelling abuse at each other. I have no memory of that but I cannot bear arguments. I have to switch radio 4 off if the interviewer is too challenging. :( Me and OH disagree but we don't really argue and we have never, ever shouted at each other - I don't think I'd cope.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

You never argue with your partners. You must have all have a very strange relationships.
Me and DP only see each other a few times a week and we're like an old married couple.
Or do I just tell it how it is

[HermioneJeanGranger]

OH and I have never argued but we've only been together a month

Ex and I argued a lot and in hindsight I should have left earlier than I did. We had some proper humdingers - slamming doors and he stormed out more than once. We both communicated differently, though, which didn't help. I liked talking things out whereas he would shut down, calm down and want to talk the next day, by which point I was ten times angrier because he'd ignored me all evening!

I think arguing is fine so long as it's healthy and productive, and doesn't happen all the time. I don't understand how people can be happy in relationships where they argue once a week or even once a day! I'd be so stressed!