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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to climb in bed next to him

27 replies

doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 02:13

Just written a horrible thread over in relationships...

Long story short, shit fiancé found with escort's address texted to him today...swears he doesn't know how... Suspected alcohol/gambling (and now) sex addiction...

He's asleep next door, I can't sleep (I wonder why?!) I want to get in next to him.

I know that's ridiculous. But it's how I feel.

OP posts:
VioletBam · 29/07/2016 02:18

You can't. He's an arsehole, dickhead who doesn't love you. That's not love! He has issues and he's disgusting and you're too good for him.

Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 02:19

I know :( Dick.

This is all so fucking ridiculous.

OP posts:
SalemsLott · 29/07/2016 02:19

Yabu, in the nicest possible way Flowers
I've seen the thread in relationships you deserve better than this. Stay strong Smile

Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 02:23

Thanks Salems... I know I'm probably breaking at least a 1000 rules of etiquette by having 2 threads running, but typing it out is helping me sort my head out... (Sort of)

OP posts:
FoxesSitOnBoxes · 29/07/2016 02:24

Flowers I read your other thread but holding screaming child so didn't reply.
Of course you can't get into bed with him but I've been where you are and it's awful. it's the hardest thing to listen to your head right now but you have to do it. Picture your future- you know that you can't be happy with someone who could do this to you and not getting into his bed right now is the first little step you need to take to look after your future.
If you can't sleep then I'd use this time to pack some things for tomorrow so you can just leave.
It will feel easier eventually but it really is shit and I'm sorry this has happened to you x

SalemsLott · 29/07/2016 02:26

Do what you have to to get you through the night, damn etiquette, just stay away from the lying, cheating, drunken twat.

Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 02:26

Foxes... Thank you! He's in the spare room (where our wardrobes are) so I'm sat on the sofa in the dark watching food network for noise... It feels like climbing into that bed would feel so good right now, just for a while, just to get some sleep... I hate the idea that last night was the last night... But I know I can't...

OP posts:
Pivoine · 29/07/2016 02:27

You want comfort which is perfectly understandable. But you're seeking comfort from the situation causing you discomfort. This guy is not solace. He's caused you this pain. Please try to be strong. Whatever it is you think he will give you is the opposite of comfort, long term. It might feel OK tonight, but it's really not going to help you. Stay strong

Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 02:27

Salems... This wasn't how it was supposed to be... :'(

OP posts:
Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 02:28

Pivoine... It hurts so much :( I've never felt physical pain like it...

OP posts:
2nds · 29/07/2016 02:34

Can you not go to your mum's house?

Pivoine · 29/07/2016 02:34

I know, I've been there. Once you get through this you will see it is possible to go on. God, this bit is so hard. I split with a long term partner of 6 years and we had to share a flat (and bed) for financial reasons for months The bed part probably not so necessary but it seemed so at the time. It was horrific.

It really was so painful. You will get through this. But try to stop seeing him as the way out of the pain. He isn't. Disengage from him ,-

Pivoine · 29/07/2016 02:35

Oops posted too soon. Disengage from him. He's no longer your safe haven. Be strong.

Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 02:38

2nds.. I'm going, I think... I'm trying...

Pivoine - keep dreaming he has a logical explanation for all this. But I know he doesn't.

OP posts:
marcopront · 29/07/2016 02:39

Can you call a friend?

Is there anywhere else you can go?

SalemsLott · 29/07/2016 02:39

I've been there too. It is bloody painful Sad, it's the same emotional process as grieving, you will come out the other end Flowers

LucyBabs · 29/07/2016 02:46

Flowers For you doinot nothing worth doing is ever easy. It's so easy for us to say but get rid of him!

2nds · 29/07/2016 02:47

You said on your other thread that him and his ex were in Separate beds when you met him, if you only have his word on this then how can you be sure that you weren't the OW at that time?

2nds · 29/07/2016 02:49

I Might get flamed for this but you seem young OP.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/07/2016 02:49

I don't think it's unreasonable that you want to climb into bed with him. We feel the way we feel and you deserve to have your feelings acknowledged. You're feeling horrible and you just want things to be the way they were.

But you would be unreasonable (and self-destructive) to actually do it. He's broken faith with you and, at least to me, there's no going back on that.

I've read the other thread but haven't commented since everything I wanted to say has been said. So I'll just say I'm so sorry, no one should have to experience what you're going through. But, hard as it is, you need to start building that wall around your heart. You need to be strong enough to be true to yourself tomorrow when he starts making excuses and trying to use your love and your sense of fair play to turn the situation around on you.

GarlicMistake · 29/07/2016 02:51

Oh, I'm so sorry :(

I know exactly what you mean - been there. Loads of poems & songs have been written about craving comfort from the very one who caused your pain. It's the shittiest thing ever when the person you've learned to turn to is now the danger, not the safe zone.

Don't give in. As Foxes says, this is your first step towards detachment - breaking the emotional habit that's making you feel weak right now.

In any case - as you'll have found if you did give in Grin you'll remember just as you're falling asleep, and will spend the rest of the night in that precarious clinging-to-the-edge of the mattress position! Better make yourself a lovely, comfy nest of your own than sleep on a precipice.

Sorry the twat turned out to be nothing like the guy you deserve.

Missyaggravation · 29/07/2016 03:06

I'm so sorry, and I do understand that feeling, maybe a bit of hysterical bonding. Honestly though your head will take over at some point, he will be so repulsive to you that you will wonder what you ever saw in him, but that takes time.

Tbh if it was me I'd be struggling to sit and let the little twat sleep peacefully so would have to remove myself for the sake of my criminal record. Hope you can manage some sleep Sad

Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 03:06

2nds, not particularly young... Definitely well out of my teenage years, I can assure you!

I'm just doing a lot of googling at the minute... Feel like I'm going to need a lot of distraction, so might as well be googling useful "self-help" type stuff

OP posts:
TheDropBear · 29/07/2016 03:11

There's a great scene in Frankie and Grace where a woman does this.
I think it's normal to feel this way, after all before you found out if anything happened in your life he'd be the person you'd go to for comfort right? So it's normal to want him when you're upset but this time he's the one causing you pain Sad
Long term doing it will just make you feel worse though Sad

Original poster
doinotknowhowluckyiam · 29/07/2016 03:17

I know... That's why I'm keeping myself busy... Hoping I'll just pass out with exhaustion soon...

I totally get that when this settles I'll be repulsed and disgusted and so angry that that will carry me through... But I'm not there yet... Confused

OP posts:
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