HV has put my 9 week old son on a diet

[OneForTheRoadThen]

I have a beautiful 9 week old son. He was born at 36+6 and spent the night in SCBU with an infection but after 4 days in hospital he recovered really well. He also had a tongue tie that was snipped at 11 days. However he has never ever latched on so therefore I feed him by expressing as much as I can (usually about 10 oz a day) and feeding him formula for the other feeds.

He weighed 7lb 9 at birth and has put on almost 1lb each week since then so he now weighs 14lb. He is on the 75th centile and quite chubby (but gorgeous).

I have been taking him to be weighed every week at the HV's request and she has often commented on how much weight he has put on. A couple of weeks ago she told him I was feeding him too frequently - I had been feeding on demand and he was feeding about every 2 hours - and that I needed to feed him every 3.5 - 4 hours. We had been working towards this and now I feed him every 3.5 hrs but he would be happier with 3 hourly feeds. Although he doesn't cry he does root, suck his fingers and have to be distracted with a dummy. He was having 6oz every 3.5hrs and finishing the bottle.

I got him weighed yesterday and the HV said he was eating far too much and I was risking him getting obese and having breathing difficulties. She said he must cut down to 5oz every 3.5 hours 'although he wouldn't like it' and be weighed weekly to monitor his progress.

Obviously I feel dreadful. It really upsets me to see him hungry and the constant clock watching and distracting him is getting me down. So AIBU to tell her to fuck off? Or AIBU to continue feeding him on demand and risk his health in the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice from people who have had similar experiences. Thanks.

Total nonsense! See a different one if you really need to see one and also don't bother with once a week, that's too regular for them to properly asses his weight I think.

I was told that my ds2 was underweight at five months, near 15 percentile, she then tried to get me to start weaning and looked at my ds1 whose 2 and a half and asked if I wanted him weighed. She then started to tell !e how to wean. Really annoyed me she did. She wanted me back the next week. Well I left it for four weeks, I knew my boy was putting on weight and was fine. When I went back to clinic it was the same hv and she weighed him looked in his book and apologised she had him marked down as older than he should be and he was actually on the 25th all along.
I ebf have done with both boys, hv some are crazy. Go to a different clinic or ask for a different hv.
I know of a three year old who is being monitored because they think he's too short, he's the same height as many others in his class, and now they are trying to say he's overweight. It's ridiculous!

My mum told the hv to go away, this was when they used to home visit alot in the 80s. She got fed up with the bad advice.

Sorry, just read.

honestly he was 1 day away to 37 weeks, so i don't think she should even be doing the corrected weight

So AIBU to tell her to fuck off? No End of. This happened to me.

What an awful HV! So sorry she has made you feel like this. As other have said ignore her. My DD went from 50th at birth to 91st centile by the time she was about 10 months. She was a gorgeous chunk. As soon as she started to walk the weight started to thin out. She is now 7 yo and she has a lovely shape, neither chubby nor skinny.

Oh sweet jesus. Honestly tell her to fuck off in your head and ignore what she says. Feed your baby as and when he needs it. I know I eat and drink more than every 4 hours - don't you? Why should it be any different for babies?

That's nuts. Ignore her. Babies chunk up then stretch out all the time as they start moving and have growth spurts. Mine was at the other end of the scale with a weight in the second percentile, and I was told to start feeding him mash full of cream and butter - no way was I going to fill him up with empty carbs and fat just for the sake of it. He was like a whippet, exactly the same as his dad. You know what's best for your baby, and now is not the time to restrict his intake. All that would do is make everyone miserable.

My PFBD was born with tongue tie and couldn't latch, I told the nurses she didn't seem to be feeding and they told me not to be so silly...by day 5 she'd almost lost a lb of her birth weight (probably would've been more but I listened to my instincts and switched her to formula at 4 days). I get very funny about how much she's eating now, probably obsessive tbh because I was so scared she would be hospitalised at the time and I felt so guilty I still carry it with me now.

At 3 weeks DD was having 4oz every 4 hours, that quickly jumped to around 7oz every 4 hours by the time she was about 11/12 weeks. I was told by loads of people I was feeding her far too much, but I preferred to have a baby who was on big bottles, in a routine and sleeping through the night than what they were saying.
By the time she was 16 weeks she was on 9oz every 4 hours! The HV told me I had to wait until she was 20 weeks to even entertain purées, even though I could tell she was starting to want more than her 9oz. We had absolute hell trying to get her to only have the 9oz, until at 19weeks I finally listened to my mum and stopped taking everything the HV said as gospel and we haven't looked back and DD will be 11 months in a week or so.

We had our 8 month check and the HV said she had almost jumped from the 50th to 75th centile at our last meeting but was now back to normal, however she probably wouldn't be so big if I'd listened to her advice over the solids. Screw it!

HV are there to advise not enforce, and yes they are supposed to know what they're saying however unless yours has her own kids I'd take everything she says with a massive pinch of salt. Every child is different and you can't learn everything from a textbook.

You're his mama, go with your instincts and stuff what they say, some kids are bigger than others xx

I would get another opinion.

DS was a similar birth weight to your son and was EBF. He ended up as a very chubby baby. I think he was around the 90th centile at one point.

He never had any health issues, ever. He s now 16 and a lanky gangly boy without any flab.

You know the answer is to stop getting him weighed, right? No need. Just look at him, does he look alright? Weeing and pooing alright? Then crack on and avoid your hv like the plague

Agree with other posters, she sounds potty. Feed him when he wants feeding. If it makes you feel any better I had an experience 20 years ago with my first born. She was a good sleeper and in them day's you were told to feed every four hours no matter what. The HV told me to wet a flannel with cold water and rub it in my babies face to wake her up if she were not awake bang on time for feeding. I was a bit fragile, young and not very assertive, luckily my mum was there are said 'great idea, or we could shove some ice cubes down her back' .

My eldest was always high on the percentile and was hungry all the time (even though born average)! No one told me to reduce his milk (and it would have been hard if I had tried)!!! He is a very tall healthy 12 year old now with muscles and not an inch of fat anywhere and he eats like an adult.

I would go to the GP and also request a different health visitor.

That is shocking!! I'd report her and find a new HV if I were you. What utter rubbish!

What????
No no no.
Op - when my daughter was born she was bang on the 50th percentile.
She was a very hungry baby and slowly but surely she crept up the percentiles until she reached the 90th.
HV tried to get me to space out the feedings, and I did for a brief period of time (after all she was the 'experienced expert'). The only thing that happened was that both my dd and I got very distressed. So we went back to on demand feeding.
She crept up to 98th percentile and she's now remained on that for over 6 years (I'm such a geek - I love tracking in their red book even tho she's in juniors at school).
So even tho she's on 98th it's because she's tall, really tall and she simply needs to eat more to sustain her growth. She's very slim tho.
If I'd have listened to the HV all I'd have done is under feed her and block her growth frankly. My theory is that she was born at 50th cos of a combination of my delivery date and that MY body simply couldn't sufficiently fuel her.
Even know as a healthy, tall, thin and active child she eats a lot and regularly. Its amazing how much she can pack away. But she's remained on that 98th consistently for over 6 years now.
Totally ignore your HV.
For my second I think I went twice in the end, which frankly was two times too many.

WrappedInABlankie your baby could have a fast metabolism. My 4th child was 10lbs he gained weight slowly and I fed on demand. I mixed fed him.

Benedikte2 Thu 28-Jul-16 23:36:39

I'd like to throw something else into the mix. In my work I came across children who had suffered neglect as babies and had been severely undernourished. Children were taken into care as infants and when I knew them had no conscious memory of being hungry, were receiving good nurturing care and an adequate healthy diet. All the children had food issues and would overeat if permitted and hoard food. A 7 year old boy, with loving adoptive parents since about 9 months, would ask when he sat down to a meal if there was any more. There appears to be such a fundamental issue with a lack of food at an early age as to imprint the need to eat as much as possible later.
So depriving a young baby of food and allowing him/her to cry from hunger to prevent later obesity may actually result in the very opposite and create a child who is fixated on eating. Just a thought.

I thought this was interesting.

Both of my DCs are slim and proportional to their height. DD was 2 weeks early (due to ELCS/pre-eclampsia), and weight 6lb5oz, whereas DS was 8lb1oz when born 1 day early.

Both are never going to be tall (due to DP and I not being tall ourselves) but both are slim and healthy, despite being hungry babies who were bf on demand.

But as for me, I was ff, and mum had been told to space out my feeds as the then HV was concerned I was putting on too much weight. I am fat, and struggle with healthy attitudes to food. So yes, I'm interested in this perspective.

You're his Mum! You know best! You can't over feed a baby!?!? They only take what they need!! She sounds like she needs to refresh her HV course! Putting a baby on a diet....outrageous! Tell her to get lost!! Bless you, don't feel bad as you've done nothing wrong! My boy was a UNIT, always in clothes well above his age and he's a gorgeous perfectly proportioned 4 year old!! X

A diet at 9 week old? That's just irresponsible and insane

OP you've now had a neonatal nurse and a specialist paediatric nurse on this thread advising you to ignore HV - so I think you know what to do

I really hate this obsessive weighing of babies. I had the opposite: they weighed DD every 48 hours for about 3-4 weeks after she was born because she didn't follow their ideal growth curve. I.e., she was a skinny little thing and didn't put on weight every day, sometimes she'd put on 30g and sometimes

Oh and yeah, agree with benedikte Feeding is a really fundamental part of a mum/ baby relationship. I would never never 'starve' a young baby as really, it's pretty unlikely to make a difference to their weight long-term but it may affect bonding if they learn you are not going to take care of their needs . That was what made me feel so awful about forcing unwanted formula 'top ups' down DD throat after each breastfeed: I felt she was learning that I, her mum, would do something to her that hurt her and made her feel sick.

I stopped asap when discharged from MW care and just nodded and smiled every time the GP asked if I was supplementing her feeds. I'd never do that to my baby again and still feel so guilty about it.......

Ridiculous! Please don't restrict his food poor little mite.
My daughter is on the 75th percentile to and she is fine! Fed on demand.
And as soon as they get moving it comes off!
Is she an older hv? As I know they used to do this! Talk to another health professional.
Good luck xxx

What utter rubbish! I'm appalled that could be suggested to you. If he was suffering from reflux or something then you may play about with milk to help ease symptoms, but if he is fine then absolutely do not reduce his milk, surely? it sounds batty to me..............

what centile for weight was he born on and what is her justification that you are feeding too much?

I had the reverse. My LO was born on the 91st and struggled to feed more than 1 oz at a time. The HV was not interested at all and I got no help. My opinion of HV's is therefore low.......

Good luck, and well done. You are doing a great job x

WHAT THE ACTUAL?!!

It is impossible to overfeed a baby on the boob. Some bottles have a very fast flow but kudos to you, you clearly have an AMAZING supply. And you're expressing. You're amazing.
What's the flow of the bottles you're feeding him your BM through? Maybe a little slower might help but honest to god get a second opinion. Not from another HV, see a doctor. Go back to the hospital. Go back to your midwife. Do not accept one insane opinion because it is utterly insane.

Most bat shit craziest thing I have EVER heard.

I wouldn't worry carry on feeding him as you are. The fun begins when he starts eating solids and he picks and chooses what he wants. I can count on 1 hand how many times I have seen my health visitor and got him weighed. Your a first time mum she is exercising herself on you get a second opinion.

Ignore her! Do exactly what you want to hon, he sounds a gorgeous boy!

Bear in mind that even hospital paediatricians and nutritionists sometimes know bugger all about breastfeeding. My (much more prem -26 weeker-) DS was half-starved by SCBU, where their attitude was that a breastfeed at about 34 weeks was equivalent to a formula feed through ng tube (i.e. that once he had breastfed, he didn't need another feed for 4 hours!!). It wasn't, not even close, because he wasn't breastfeeding effectively anyway at that stage (he only weighed just over a kg) and even most healthy newborns need a breastfeed more often than every 4 hours. He was too weak to tell us when he was hungry, so he just slowly starved:( When I got him home and breastfed him as often as he'd take it, he put on humungously stupid amounts of weight extremely quickly. I'm still cross at their ignorance - at 6 he's very healthy but extremely small - he never regained the massive centile drop from those few weeks.