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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HV has put my 9 week old son on a diet

328 replies

OneForTheRoadThen · 28/07/2016 20:24

I have a beautiful 9 week old son. He was born at 36+6 and spent the night in SCBU with an infection but after 4 days in hospital he recovered really well. He also had a tongue tie that was snipped at 11 days. However he has never ever latched on so therefore I feed him by expressing as much as I can (usually about 10 oz a day) and feeding him formula for the other feeds.

He weighed 7lb 9 at birth and has put on almost 1lb each week since then so he now weighs 14lb. He is on the 75th centile and quite chubby (but gorgeous).

I have been taking him to be weighed every week at the HV's request and she has often commented on how much weight he has put on. A couple of weeks ago she told him I was feeding him too frequently - I had been feeding on demand and he was feeding about every 2 hours - and that I needed to feed him every 3.5 - 4 hours. We had been working towards this and now I feed him every 3.5 hrs but he would be happier with 3 hourly feeds. Although he doesn't cry he does root, suck his fingers and have to be distracted with a dummy. He was having 6oz every 3.5hrs and finishing the bottle.

I got him weighed yesterday and the HV said he was eating far too much and I was risking him getting obese and having breathing difficulties. She said he must cut down to 5oz every 3.5 hours 'although he wouldn't like it' and be weighed weekly to monitor his progress.

Obviously I feel dreadful. It really upsets me to see him hungry and the constant clock watching and distracting him is getting me down. So AIBU to tell her to fuck off? Or AIBU to continue feeding him on demand and risk his health in the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice from people who have had similar experiences. Thanks.

OP posts:
yumyumpoppycat · 29/07/2016 06:56

PS it was at the weaning stage he started to slim down, in the early monhs I also got the gold top comments.

Grassgreendashhabi · 29/07/2016 07:02

Please don't. See your GP even two GPs. You've had advice on here from GPs already

Babies should not be on a diet that's as crazy as it comes (unless under specific medical advice and Health Visitor is NOT that!

Please don't do it.

Original poster
OneForTheRoadThen · 29/07/2016 07:19

Thanks everyone. I've had some really good advice and I definitely feel more confident now. I'm going to feed him as he wants until Monday when I see the more senior HV and I'll also book a GP appointment for next week.

It's been really helpful to hear your experiences. I have been told that 1/2 lb a week was the ideal weight gain and have been worried my son was gaining double that. It's reassuring to know a 1lb a week gain is not unusual.

I will also get him weighed less frequently. I was doing it partly so I could work out how much formula to give him but it has been making me anxious so I will cut down and try to relax a bit more until I get more information.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 29/07/2016 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingtobeawesome · 29/07/2016 07:32

I fed all of mine with breast milk until 7 months, every two hours and in the night until about then as well. The boys were chubby. We're having eight cubes of purée when an annabel karmel said two.

They are secondary school age now and very tall and perfectly formed.

Nine weeks is so small. Feeding on demand is what they need.

Goingtobeawesome · 29/07/2016 07:33

And my first put on a pound a week for ages. I used to be upset if they hadn't.

CaveMum · 29/07/2016 07:34

When I switched from BF to FF when DD was 8 weeks old my HV told me to ignore the guidelines on the side of the tub and just give her what she wanted. For a while she took "more" than the guidelines but after a few months settled down and took the same amount every day which was "less" than the guideline.

Don't worry about calculating how much to give him, just go with your instincts.

Sleepingbunnies · 29/07/2016 09:37

Ignore!! A HV commented that my baby was 'fat' I smiled sweetly and told her that I wasn't here for advice just to get my baby weighed. It was DC3 so I am well over HV and their 'advice' :)

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 29/07/2016 09:48

I would ignore too.

He was 7lb 9 a day before they start tracking normally and she has decided to track as though he was premature. He's clearly gained back any weight he may have lost due to being ill, but that's good.

Why are HVs so different, all of mine were great, when I had early tiny twins and when I had a full term whopper.

Me624 · 29/07/2016 09:53

Don't worry about weighing him in order to work out how much formula he needs - again it's just a guideline. Like CaveMum my DS had way more than the guidelines when he was 2/3 months old, yet stayed tracking his line on the 25th centile. Then it evened out and I haven't upped his daily intake since he was 3 months (he's now 5 months) yet he is still putting on weight. In fact, he shot up to the 75th for a few weeks and then down to the 50th. Babies don't grow in a perfect line despite what the red book and health visitors like to tell you!

Just give your baby however much he needs, if he is finishing the bottle every time then start offering him another ounce per feed.

Heirhelp · 29/07/2016 09:56

When I gave up bf my HV told me to feed on demand and to ignore the side of the box which she thought was suggesting not enough bottles a day anyway. She also said that draining the bottle meaning the baby should be offered more. Having said that sucking on fingers is not a feeding cue it is just a baby exploring.

WrappedInABlankie · 29/07/2016 11:01

CMPI babies don't necessarily drop weight, my son wasn't gaining the amount of weight he should of been drinking at that volume, so my DC was drinking 69mls short of what the ops DC is drinking at the 3rd of his age but wasn't putting on the lbs to show that

Oblomov16 · 29/07/2016 11:22

I agree. This HV is providing suspect advice. I would make an appointment with your GP. And possibly make s complaint against this HV, so she doesn't offer such dangerous advice to any other poor woman. This really needs monitoring.

grannytomine · 29/07/2016 11:51

A HV told me this many years ago, probably before you were born OP. I was a naive 18 year old and did what I was told. I saw GP for something else and he asked if I was having any problems and I said it was difficult reducing baby's milk. He asked me to explain and I did. He picked up the phone and phoned the clinic and went berserk at the HV, told her to never to speak to "his" mothers and babies again. I don't know if she spoke to anyone else but my baby was weighed in silence from then on. He was never overweight in his life and is 45 now so if it did him any harm I think it would be showing by now.

HerRoyalFattyness · 29/07/2016 11:59

Ignore.
I got told to reduce feeds for DS1 because he climbed centimes. I laughed and said she could deal with the screaming then.
With DD I had the opposite. She was guzzling milk like there was no tomorrow, but she tracked between the 9th and 25th centimes. I got asked if I was sure she was taking everything I said she was!
Another one tried to tell me I was feeding DS2 too much. He was 10lb 10.5oz at birth. He was never going to be tiny!

I got DS2 weighed twice at clinic and then stopped. I can't be arsed with it anymore. I'm sure HVs have to have a course on how to upset new mothers.

DarkAngel1984 · 29/07/2016 13:05

At the end of the day your his mum so trust ur instincts. My son was 10lbs at birth and was on the 91st and now at 9 months has dropped to nearer the 75th and is a perfectly healthy baby and doesn't look fat as he is very long I would just feed him when he needs it

angiebabes2k · 29/07/2016 13:06

Absolutely tell her to fuck right off

kimhp · 29/07/2016 13:07

I've never heard anything so ridiculous ever!! For a start breast milk isn't as filling as formula so he'll need the extra and at 9weeks they're usually having a growth spurt so are going to eat more!!!
9week old baby on a diet?! She's on crack!!!

Scaffleen · 29/07/2016 13:10

My boy was born on the 50th percentile then went up to the 98th percentile within 2 months. By 4 months of age he weighed a whopping 20lbs! He was so fat but he stayed that weight for months and just grew up the way! He was breastfed so they weren't concerned at all about weight gain. I think it only matters if the weight stops them reaching their milestones like rolling over.

Amy2104 · 29/07/2016 13:15

I have actually had to join to comment on this post! My son weighed 7lb11oz when he was born and on day 4 was admitted to hospital for losing 15 per cent of his weight due to breastfeeding issues etc. After that I got him weighed every week for peace of mind and discuss progress with health visitor. First time mum and single parent made me want through professionals opinions more than most I guess. I fed him on demand because after being fed nasally I was never letting him go hungry again. Son put on weight rapidly over a couple of months and went over the 50th centile to 99.6th however it was on a curve and regular health visitor was happy with his progress because she could see even though he was on the large size he was happy and healthy.

Cue busy body health visitor who covered her holiday. Calling my baby too large and I was putting him at risk of obesity for his entire life and potential life threatening conditions blah blah blah. Petrified me completely and rang my mum in tears.

Then I felt angry because my son was happy healthy and progressing as he should be and there was no way I was letting him go hungry. Stopped getting him weighed after that but kept feeding him as I was before. 2 years on he is on the move causing mischief wherever he goes, tAller than he should be for his age and slim. Looking back on the photos he was chubby but he lost it as soon as he was on the go.

I learnt you need to do what feels right for you and your child. The professionals do a marvellous job but are not always right xxx

CPParenttoDD1234 · 29/07/2016 13:15

I don't usually post on here but this post shocked me. As a specialist children's nurse please do not listen to your HV if he's hungry feed him. If he's putting on too much weight he needs to be referred to a specialist paediatrician as there could be an underlying cause for this. Very very rare so likely he's just a boy that wants food!

Good luck Hun

DodiGilbert · 29/07/2016 13:18

HV sounds nuts. One once had a go at me because my Mum and I laughed (hysterically) after DS weed all over my mum at a weigh in. Apparently we were going to make him constipated. He was about 5 weeks old.

You know your baby. If they are miserable THAT'S when you know you're doing something wrong. My DS was a very hungry baby and he was a right little chub monster. He was absolutely bloody gorgeous. I had run ins with HVs and school nurses when he firstvstarted, them telling me he was 'obese' (he wasnt, that BMI bullshit is exactly that. Bullshit). He's now a totally healthy, well proportioned 12 year old who is exactly as he should be. He's not fat. He's sporty and active and I stick my fingers up at those who tried to make me feel shitty over some 'standard'. Standardised babies. Whatever next?

Ginismybestfriend · 29/07/2016 13:20

I fucking hate HV! As if new mums don't struggle enough! If your baby is hungry then feed him.

Vix17 · 29/07/2016 13:24

My DD is 9months old and has been 98th centile since she was born. It is absolutely outrageous that your HV is telling you to cut down feeds without seeking a second opinion. DD has growth spurts so she will have a couple of weeks of constant feeding and sleeping in the lead up and then go back to her 'normal' feeding and sleeping routine.

If it was me I would go and see a different HV and see what they say and if they think his weight gain is concerning then make an appontment with your GP. I wouldn't just stop feeding him.

TinyTear · 29/07/2016 13:26

was he premature, the arrows sideways are what you do when you need adjusting for premature babies.