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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HV has put my 9 week old son on a diet

328 replies

OneForTheRoadThen · 28/07/2016 20:24

I have a beautiful 9 week old son. He was born at 36+6 and spent the night in SCBU with an infection but after 4 days in hospital he recovered really well. He also had a tongue tie that was snipped at 11 days. However he has never ever latched on so therefore I feed him by expressing as much as I can (usually about 10 oz a day) and feeding him formula for the other feeds.

He weighed 7lb 9 at birth and has put on almost 1lb each week since then so he now weighs 14lb. He is on the 75th centile and quite chubby (but gorgeous).

I have been taking him to be weighed every week at the HV's request and she has often commented on how much weight he has put on. A couple of weeks ago she told him I was feeding him too frequently - I had been feeding on demand and he was feeding about every 2 hours - and that I needed to feed him every 3.5 - 4 hours. We had been working towards this and now I feed him every 3.5 hrs but he would be happier with 3 hourly feeds. Although he doesn't cry he does root, suck his fingers and have to be distracted with a dummy. He was having 6oz every 3.5hrs and finishing the bottle.

I got him weighed yesterday and the HV said he was eating far too much and I was risking him getting obese and having breathing difficulties. She said he must cut down to 5oz every 3.5 hours 'although he wouldn't like it' and be weighed weekly to monitor his progress.

Obviously I feel dreadful. It really upsets me to see him hungry and the constant clock watching and distracting him is getting me down. So AIBU to tell her to fuck off? Or AIBU to continue feeding him on demand and risk his health in the future?

I'd really appreciate any advice from people who have had similar experiences. Thanks.

OP posts:
bellie710 · 28/07/2016 22:34

My DD was the opposite she was 10lb 5 at birth and never really gained much weight, she was BF slept well and fed every 3-4 hours. The HV wanted me to have her weighed every week because she was concerned about her not gaining weight, she kept telling me to wake her and feed her more etc etc but she didn't want more food!
She still had not doubled her birth weight when she was 1 but she is a dainty wee thing but very healthy and happy. Unless you have concerns about your DS stop going!

Icklepickle101 · 28/07/2016 22:35

My DS put on 1lb a week for 9 weeks and weighs 10.2kg at 6 months!! My hv keeps going on at me to only allow him 2 bottles a day "as he will be obese by the time he starts school" but he is expectionay tall and he is a BABY so in ignoring her!!

Enjoy the chubby cheeks Grin

Icklepickle101 · 28/07/2016 22:36

My son was early and on the 9th centile at birth so the fact he had gone above the top line by 11 weeks sent the health visitor doolally!!

mumeeee · 28/07/2016 22:37

Your health visitor is being ridiculous. You can't restrict a 9 weeks old food. The 75th centile is fine. Just carry on as you are and ignore her. Ask if you can change health visitors or if not go to another practice

2nds · 28/07/2016 22:38

Go to a GP,

SadGuru · 28/07/2016 22:43

OP, my son was over 98th centile for weight in the first year. He was exclusively breastfed on demand for the first 4 months. Then I had to add formula feeds as he was always hungry. The HV reassured me there was nothing to worry and encouraged me to feed him as much as he wanted! He started slimming down once he started walking. He is 11 years now, thin as a stick, very sporty and continues to have a very big appetite!

Flumplet · 28/07/2016 22:47

Bonkers. I had a beast of a baby. 10lb born with tongue tie, quickly dropped to 9lb had tongue shipped and he gained a pound a week and although I can't remember how much he weighed at what age - he was proper enormous - I'm talking rolls. He started crawling and walking and he soon evened out - no breathing problems or obesity. He's now a super-lean and tall 5 year old. Can I just ask, and please don't take this the wrong way, but are you on the larger side yourself? I only ask because I had similar conversations with the HV and I always felt like they were keeping an extra eye on my sons weight because I have a problem with my weight myself.

Sillybillybonker · 28/07/2016 22:56

She sounds dangerous. Report her to the GP.

Thingiebob · 28/07/2016 22:58

Please listen to Labracadabra Don't dismiss your health visitors concerns outright.

If a baby jumps up or drops down more than two centiles in rapid succession, it IS a flag for further investigation and should not be ignored. It may not be a problem and that yes you have a thriving hungry boy, but it can be a symptom of other issues.

Go to your GP to discuss the HV's feeding advice.

There is a lot of advice on this thread from people who are clearly not health professionals nor do they understand centiles and their purpose.

QuackDuckQuack · 28/07/2016 23:04

I think that the tracking of weight was really started to identify children who were failing to thrive. Whether it can be used in a meaningful way to prevent adult obesity for many babies probably isn't yet clear. Obviously it can identify complete outliers, perhaps those over the top line, but without the height to match or those with a serious discrepancy between height and weight, but those can probably be identified by eye reasonably well by an objective observer. And it probably works better in identifying toddlers or older (say 12 months +) who are overweight. But at 9 weeks a baby is settling down still.

And HV are very reluctant to measure length at that age as it is very unreliable because it is hard to stretch a baby out and 1cm can move a baby between centile lines. One of my friend's DS had his length measured at a clinic and then done again 2 weeks later, he appeared to shrink 4 cm in the 2 weeks. So vital information on length is missing so you can't tell whether the baby is in proportion.

Missycat70 · 28/07/2016 23:34

I had very similar problems with our hv. Son was 90% centile for mass but was also 95% centile for height. He was hungry all the time and wanted regular bottle feeds, so gained weight . I had so many comments from hv questioning his feeding and scaremongering about future obesity etc. He Is now 12, still tall and slim muscular build. Hv mean well but not every child fits the feeding guidelines.

Benedikte2 · 28/07/2016 23:36

I'd like to throw something else into the mix. In my work I came across children who had suffered neglect as babies and had been severely undernourished. Children were taken into care as infants and when I knew them had no conscious memory of being hungry, were receiving good nurturing care and an adequate healthy diet. All the children had food issues and would overeat if permitted and hoard food. A 7 year old boy, with loving adoptive parents since about 9 months, would ask when he sat down to a meal if there was any more. There appears to be such a fundamental issue with a lack of food at an early age as to imprint the need to eat as much as possible later.
So depriving a young baby of food and allowing him/her to cry from hunger to prevent later obesity may actually result in the very opposite and create a child who is fixated on eating. Just a thought.

wheresthel1ght · 28/07/2016 23:53

Ignore her and see your GP.

My HV tried to do this with me when dd was 4 weeks old - she had gone from 7lb1 to 9lb2 in 4 week and I was over feeding her. GP went nuts. Needless to say the HV was told to get the fuck out of my house the next time she came and carried on with her formula feeding bashing and bullshit about putting dd on a diet.

I moved not long after it and my new HV is an absolute star!

Dontneedausername · 29/07/2016 00:06

My son was 2 weeks early and 6lb, 2nd or 9th centile for weight and height.
Put on a pound a week and just kept growing! He has been 98th centile for height and weight since he was a year, and still is at 4.
He is a tall, sturdy kid. Extremely active, never sits still and has a healthy appetite.
Unlike his skinny 5 year old sister! He is heavier and taller than her!

I remember my HV was amazing, I was struggling with a 1 year old and a new born. All she ever said was that he was a healthy growing boy. Feed him when he was hungry and that was that.

He certainly doesn't have breathing problems, nor is he obese!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/07/2016 00:10

If she for fucking real. You can't put a 9 week old baby on a diet. The stupid bitch.
Id find myself another HV who knows her job.
I wonder what SS would say about her advising yoy starve a growing baby.
My DD was an absolute hungry Horace. She was on 8oz at a month old and she was only tiny, so Good Luck to her telling me to put dd on a diet at 9 weeks old.
She'd have ate me. Grin

NotSoLankyNancy · 29/07/2016 00:15

I saw a younger work acquaintance do this with her baby on her GP's advice. Baby was only a few weeks old and he was on 4 hourly feeds with a dummy dipped in sugary camomile to stein out feeds.
Felt so sorry for the little mite and tried to give advice but GP was trusted more!

BeautyQueen88 · 29/07/2016 00:24

Ds was 9lb 14oz at birth..at 8 weeks old he had put 1lb a week on so the health visitors told me I had to start weaning him Blush I reluctantly followed their advice and never had any problems with him! 11 years on and he's my healthiest child and never been ill! He is also very very slim.

LyndaNotLinda · 29/07/2016 03:34

What's with all the 'bitch' comments on this thread? Seriously out of order

waitingforsomething · 29/07/2016 04:26

Wow your HV is mad and wrong. My DS went from the 50th to the 91st in a few weeks where he remains at one years old. He's massive (tall also) - no one cares and I always fed him on demand. Hell, he doesn't even eat much now and he's still massive.

DD was the same. Massive baby, ate loads and never stretched to four hours until she had solids. she's now 3.8, extremely tall and extremely thin. Feed your hungry baby and ignore your HV on this he won't get obese drinking milk.

A1Sharon · 29/07/2016 04:33

My nearly 11lb son was bf and fed every 90 mins, day and night.
Your HV would have had a fit!
My HV was fab and thought I was a saint and it was great he eyes so well.
Do what feels right and you won't go wrong.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 29/07/2016 05:12

I think you're doing the right thing seeing the GP and Head of HV. If you're still not happy about the advice ask for a referral to paediatrics. I would feed how you want to until you get some more senior advice.

I was told by the HV at clinic that 6mo DS was too heavy, wouldn't crawl or walk and I should swap BF for water. DS was above the 99th percentile line, but when I measured his length at home, he was in proportion. DS went on to crawl and walk fine. He's 13mo and the size of a 2yo, and slimming down nicely now he's running around. I take the approach that if a HV is that worried, they should be referring back to the GP. We recently had DS's 13mo HV check and there was little comment on his size.

Luckily DS is my second and I knew DD had been similar (from a very small 6lb full-term baby to the 99th percentile where she stayed for weight and length). In fact DD was so small at birth, I was under the consultant and had extra scans for DS! DD is 7yo, but wears age 9 clothes (for the length) as she's tall and slim.

Get a second or third opinion until your confident on the advice being given. Good luck.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 29/07/2016 05:13

You're (stupid fat fingers)

KurlyWurly88 · 29/07/2016 05:23

I wouldn't listen to her, a second opinion if you must, but I wouldn't worry he's perfectly within a healthy weight range (75th percentile). This has made me really angry! Why worry a new mum for having a normal baby? Every baby is individual, esp at 9 weeks!!
Is it me or are HV the most unhelpful people out there concerning your baby? (Sorry - I'm sure that there are great HV out there, my experience has been the opposite...)

timeforabrewnow · 29/07/2016 05:50

I had 2 health visitors telling me that my 1 year old chubby baby would become seriously obese if I didn't cut his bottles back.

He's now 15 years old, 6"2"" tall and weighs 9 stone 2 - in fact I would rather he ate more and put at least a stone on!! Not exactly obese...

At the time I felt cross with the health visitors as I knew they were wrong. As others have said, if you are concerned, the advice of a paed. doctor might be more relevant.

yumyumpoppycat · 29/07/2016 06:54

Go to a gp. My ds started dropping through centiles and I checked out mumsnet and figured it was normal for bf babies to lean out. DS is now at 10 quite small and skinny but in proportion - GP says there is nothing alarming about his growth now but if I had brought him to them as a baby it would have been looked at, so I feel quite guilty I didn't take hime to the GP.