would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

[user1469643462]

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

It was Chester zoo and the only exhibitions are dinosaur related at the moment.

I think you need to change your childminder. If you can't have a simple conversation about a day out you clearly aren't suited to each other.

My youngest did this at age 6. Only once so not a repeat offender. She told a teacher that we had been to London, described the hotel, the places, the food, everything. And nope we hadn't. She had heard another kid talk about her trip and thought it sounded good!

Talk to her the next time you drop DS off... Just be honest about how puzzled you are about the description of the museum and the total lack of recall about any animals - and see where that takes you? Maybe ask if there are any tickets, receipts, pictures, maps or leaflets that could jog his memory and help him share his day with you?

My DS(6) is obsessed with wrestling and apparently goes every night.......he tells anyone who will listen. He sneaks out of his bed, sneaks downstairs and goes and meets his friend to go wrestling. He mentions 'the boss' (who is actually someone in wrestling) by name and cAn tell you all about the injuries he's picked up.
After months of this I now just say 'you know it's just in your dreams?'
His answer (there's always a bloody answer) is that some people's dreams do come true you know, mummy.

At nursery he did nothing and played with no one, in primary 1 he did nothing in class but played at break and lunch.....not sure who with though, in primary 2 does stuff in class but can't remember what. Told CM at 5 he was going on a plane on holiday....nope!!
Just ask the adult and assess from reaction, say 'sorry for email last night. DS was telling me all about x I thought you'd changed your plans.'
Btw my current CM takes photos of EVERYTHING and posts them on her private FB page. Old CM also took loads of photos and we got them on a memory stick thing. She was a bit more careful about things like that and we had to sign to say it was ok for other parents to receive a photo of my child in with theirs. ESP in regards to sharing on social media. Yours might take photos for her reports but doesn't share them with parents. Ask the questions to her, you employ her and you want to know what your child is doing all day.

I would wonder where the receipt was too...I'd be a bit suspicious of a business that DIDN'T provide them as a matter of course.

Surely it's more likely the imagination of your child is to blame rather than the cm?

OP do you know any of the parents for the other children the CM looks after? I'd probably start by asking one of them what their child said.

Failing that when you drop your son off next time, while he's with you, mention again that he was convinced they'd been to a museum and isnt that funny?! If there is a simple explanation, or your son got mixed up then there is no harm done.

It's a lot to lose for £21. But if you think the trust has been broken then change cm.

Has he watched any tv about museums lately?

Sounds really off to me - at 5 my DD knew the difference between a museum and a zoo!

One September DS1's school gave me a Gingerbread leaflet about holidays for single parent families. His teacher said it was very sad we were not able to go on holiday.
We had spent 4 weeks in Singapore and Thailand, he denied it completely. Kids can be very strange.

Chester zoo definitely has displays in the Painted Dogs bit and the new Islands bit where they have made it look like an explorers/research hut type thing. Helmets, artefacts and paraphernalia. They could both be telling the truth!!

Chester zoo...he would have been telling you all about the elephants and bat cave surely.

It doesn't matter if they "know" the difference children are able to convincingly tell huge elaborate stories from their own imagination.

A 6 year old that I mind told us a story a couple of weeks ago about when he broke his leg, what colour plaster he had on, which hospital he went to, what mummy said etc ... If you didn't know him there would be no reason to disbelieve his very detailed account - except it didn't happen.

She is looking after your son and you can't ask her a straight question.?
Why not?
Just tell her your son said he went the museum and you thought she was taking the kids to the Zoo as you paid for the Zoo ticket.
Is she going the Zoo another day?
and you need to be told about change of plans.,

Placemarking for denouement.

Shamelessly

I'm not trying to sound snappy, but I have asked her. I phoned her up... I said that in my post, she then denied all knowledge, so I thought that I needed to dig a bit deeper with ds, but then thought this would be the perfect place to ask... Tbh, I have never been to Chester zoo so not sure if there is tin hats and coins and kids areas that are shown to the kids by a man... I just think it's so bizarre that he hasn't mentioned any animals and can't remember seeing any, when I have asked him? Odd.

The OP has already asked the childminder about her taking her DS to a museum rather than the zoo. The childminder has categorically told the OP that they went to the zoo and not a museum. So if the childminder has lied, she already knows she is at risk of being rumbled. If the childminder is telling the truth, further direct questions on the subject will make it obvious the OP suspects her of lying, which is obviously going to upset the childminder.

My four and a half year old mixes imagination and reality all the time. She also gets her days and weeks mixed up most of the time. When I first read your post, I automatically thought your DS was the same.

I think regardless of whether she took them or not, at this point, you are having doubts about the CM. You say she is great, but if you are not inclined to believe her about this, then I wonder if she is really all that great after all and surely the seeds of doubt are already sown. She may be great, your DS may be mixing up days, or perhaps she has talked about different places before (enough to make your DS believe he has been though it is unlikely to be this if she has never before asked to be reimbursed). Perhaps she thought she could make a quick buck and does this every year as a once off. Who knows what her financial circumstances are.

Your son has to be happy at his childminders but so have you. I would question her about it, you ought to be able to do this as his mother. If it was me, I'd ask for the ticket stub and say I wanted it for his summer scrapbook.

I wouldn't go down the faux quizzing route about asking her if the children had fun etc. I would be straight and say that you are genuinely baffled as to why your DS insists he went to the museum, to the point where you are concerned! If I was the CM and a parent contacted me for a refund in this situation I would be mortified anyway that the parent suspected I was trying to pull a fast one. I would then follow up with some evidence of the zoo trip, like a photo or ticket. If the trip to the zoo didn't happen and they went to the museum then not only would you hope she would tell parents but also, the difference in cost would be refunded without parents needing to ask, when they collected their child.

I would honestly be frank though, not along the lines of worrying that she is lying, but along the lines that you find it odd that your son doesn't seem to understand the difference between a zoo and a museum. If she's genuine then her reaction should provide you with the answer! For the record, I don't think it's odd if he has got these days out confused in his head, as PP's have said, it's not uncommon in 5 year olds, I just think this is a good route in to having the chat with her without sounding accusatory.

Yep, good idea, amprev n

Just a thought, OP, but why don't you bring up pictures of Chester Zoo on the computer? Ask him if that is the 'museum'.

If you really, wanted to play detective OP, you could look up on Google images some photos of the museum you suspect he went to, then get some more Google images of museums that you are 100% sure he has never been to (eg museums hundreds of miles away). Mix them up and ask your son if any of the pictures are of the museum he went to. If he picks only pictures of the local museum and no others, that suggests strongly that his own account is accurate! Obviously, if he does anything different, it's simply inconclusive.

I think you should pick up at the same time as other parents and casually ask them what their dc's thought of the zoo?