would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

[user1469643462]

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

Years ago when teaching Y1, a girl gave the class a full recount of the trip they had been on that weekend to FlLORIDA, swimming with dolphins, all the theme parks and different restaurants visited.
On speaking to the mum the had never been to Florida nor were they planning too!

Still makes me laugh as she was so enthusiastic and excited talking about this non-existent trip!

I am place marking.. I need to know the outcome to this one!

Sorry me too.

Can you ask her about it in front of your son? See if he still denies he went to the zoo and if so whether she still says he's lying?

Another one who thinks it sounds pretty suspicious.

And is anyone else now about to google The Sun perks and find out about the deal(s) that Juliet got - and to see if they are still available now?!

I wouldn't call this lying as such (if he actually has been to the zoo) but children have amazing imaginations. DD will immediately forget the animals she's seen at a zoo and will just talk about the cafe. At least half the questions I ask about her day, she answers 'I can't remember' or makes something up. She is 4.5 and not very mature or reliable at narrating though so maybe she is not a typical example.

How weird, with the detail your DS went into about the museum I'd definitely be inclined to believe him, especially if the zoo doesn't have a museum-like area anywhere. But then I think how would a CM expect several small children to not give it away if they hadn't gone where the parents believed.

I'm intrigued now, keep us posted OP!

I know that some young children will give realistic and detailed accounts of things that never happened, but not all children do this (mine didn't) and in my experience, those children that do tend to be "repeat offenders". If the OP's son was a child prone to making up highly realistic stories, I think the OP would already be aware of this aspect of his personality by now.

I'd go for a drive past both places, (the zoo first), and ask him hey did you go there with CM? See what he says.

It does sound very odd. I think I would talk to her about it with your son there so you can get a clearer picture of what they did.
Kids can remember strange details of places they have visited.

And if the museum is free, go in there with him yourself and ask him ti take you to the coins or other stuff he saw

I'd believe your DS.

However if the childminder can't produce photos or tickets, it isn't proof they didn't go to the zoo. I can easily go out for a day and come back without any photos, and would dispose of the tickets or receipts once used.

Oh that's a difficult one. My DD is very good at making up stories though but I find it hard to believe that he would have nothing to say about the zoo at all!

The museum is 3.95 for kids and there are Roman coins there and they get to try on tin hats.

Very strange - I'd believe my 5 year old but if the childminder is reliable & I trusted her (as I assume you do given she looks after your DS), then I can see how torn you must be.

I'd explain the situation to her tomorrow & ask for the receipt - you should hopefully be able to gauge from her reaction who is telling the truth.

It is also 4 miles from Chester zoo!

I'd be suspicious. Sounds very much like she took him somewhere else other than to where she said she was taking him - and scamming you possibly?!
Of course, you can't solely take his word for it but I would be questioning her about this.
My friend is a childminder and she takes photos of everything the children (including one of my DC) do, trips out to the local nature reserve right down to learning how to tie his shoelaces. Everything they do is documented. Every half term, she sends out little photo books she has made up for each child.

This sort of childminder bashing thread make me so Rather than trying to catch her out or start tracking down other parents to check up on her, why not just ask her again in the morning what on earth your DS is on about as he's fixated on the museum and not even mentioned the zoo. I can't believe she would bare-faced lie, face losing her business & reputation for the sake of £21! I would also advise caution op on following some of the more extreme advice on here as if she finds out you're checking up on her or going behind her back after having asked her outright, she may not want to continue offering childcare aftersuch a breakdown in trust with the parent.

As for being an outrage that she's charging for a day out like this, why? If she has this child 3 days a week for the 6 weeks that's a big chunk of his holidays wouldn't you want your child to enjoy a few special 'on-off' days rather than just parks, library, garden etc. And yes CM expenses can be claimed as an expense but that doesn't mean someone is handing over the cost of the day out and presumably the cm has to pay for her own ticket, fuel, food & drinks for a day she wouldn't otherwise be doing. Different if families can't afford it or have said no to paid trips, but op was clearly ok with paying so I don't see the problem.

I'd reply to the text and say "Yes, DS says you took him to a museum yesterday (must be the zoo!) and he enjoyed seeing the (name objects). Where in the zoo can we find those? I'm going on Saturday and would love to see them for myself".

My son told his teacher he had been on holiday to China. That summer we had gone on holiday to Greece for two weeks, he had stayed with his grandparents in France for three weeks and we had moved 7000 miles to a whole new life in a very different country. We had categorically NOT gone to China, yet that is the only "activity" he wrote about for his "what I did over the summer holidays" homework. The detail was astonishing for a country he had never, ever been to.

You may need to question more!

I would also advise caution op on following some of the more extreme advice on here as if she finds out you're checking up on her or going behind her back after having asked her outright, she may not want to continue offering childcare aftersuch a breakdown in trust with the parent.
That's if she's genuine, what's if she's dodgy though? Then she gets away with it cause OP didn't double check!
If she's not lying why didn't she offer to show the receipt? Wouldn't you if you used someone else's money?

Only you know your son and what he is capable of. My 4.5yo dd2 can tell you even the tiniest detail about what she's done, she remembers far more than I do and is most indignant if I get something wrong so I would utterly believe my dd in this case. Depends if your son is reliable or away with the pixies.

If it is eg London Zoo, they do have exhibitions on in various places which a child might think was a museum. Eg the seahorse area has a lot of detail.

When I was about 4 or 5 I came home bubbling over with excitement about how nanny had taken me to the park and we had met a horse and I had ridden him and he reared up with me like on the telly. I was very convincing apparently and described everything in great detail, including the colour of his reins. What actually happened was that we ran into my nan's friend who allowed me to hold the lead of his very large, very gentle Great Dane who promptly sat down and gave me his paw. I'd take a 5 year old's account of the day with a pinch of salt. Children remember things differently. It was only when I was about 9 or 10 that we met this man again and it was proven to me that Jinx was in fact a dog, not a horse. Even as an older child I was convinced that he was a horse until I met him a second time. I remembered him as being utterly huge and his paw being offered to me at chin height.