would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

[user1469643462]

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

When my DD was just turned 4 she told me, with a very straight face, that one of the staff at nursery had died. She was adamant that it was true and had not had any experience of anyone she knew dying before (though understood the idea).

When DS was aged 3 and at nursery he was adamant that they had cat food for lunch one day.

Honestly if could could bet he would've bet his entire family that he was telling the truth

I'd be inclined to believe the cm, as my dcs have come out with some utter fantasy at times and I can't see why a cm would risk that sort of deception at all.
But if you're not sure, OP, you can always day you want his ticket to upgrade it to an annual pass. It's going to be pretty obvious that actually, it's proof you're after, but it's not so blatant as "I think you are a liar and a thief. Give me the ticket as proof you aren't".

I would just ask her if she knows what he's going on about. Don't mention the zoo, just say he is going on about the museum and does she know why.

I also wouldn't be bothered about paying extra for a decent trip (unless they didn't go!) CMs shouldn't have to pay for that sort of thing themselves unless there is no option for them but to go.

I wonder why the cost was just for the child's ticket? The CM's own entrance fee would have been quite high, around £30 if I recall for an adult. I wonder why she didn't factor this in to the cost.

I would believe the childminder. If nothing else you'd prompt the children with chat about the 'animals they'd seen' if you were going to pretend to take them to the zoo. You'd show them pictures, find animals at the museum etc so that the story would add up to their parents.

Children lie so well, and so much that it's easy to forget just how convincing it can be- until you hear it.

I was at Chester zoo last week and was no museum like parts.
Is a new island section with a boat trip round and a bit of make believe, and a dinosaur exhibition which the children were squealing over.
Plus the usual animals including tigers, elephants (by entrance/exit) giraffes etc. I wouldn't be able to let it drop I would want to know more as a trust issue than a money one.i can't see that she didn't take a single pic, buy a crappy bit of plastic tat/ rubber or dinosaur for £1, or have any evidence of the trip at all. Does seem a bit unusual.

I couldn't let it drop either. I would want to get to the bottom of it.
I have assume up thread that she is Ofsted registered but I just wanted to check OP- Is this the case or is she a babysitter? If she is a cm she should really be keeping photographic and written evidence of th children's learning, I must admit I am snap happy but taking photos just on the odd occasion doesn't cut it.

Have you checked her facebook to see if there's any photos from that day or a check in ?
I must admit I'd believe the CM too....it'd be such a stupid lie otherwise.

If she is looking after children who are school age, she doesn't need to keep records of learning as school deal with this. She is just providing a minding service during the holidays.

MY DC1's preschool didn't know he had a sister for 3 months as he told them he was an only child (he was 3 but still) Kids tell fibs!

Not sure what I make of this though?

My sister's MIL is a CM and I couldn't imagine in a million years she would tell such a bare faced lie to a parent???

Calamity- yes of course that's true!

I'm still in two minds, but again mostly because I can't imagine how much of an idiot you must be to lie and then expect a child to cover your back.

You have to ask her about it again tomorrow Op.

Some kids tell fibs but equally some don't. Only the op knows which category her son falls into. We can bat this back and forth till we're blue in the face but until she asks the CM there's not much point.

I would be very very careful op.

You say you have always trusted her before.

I was a Cm for years and I have to say if a parent accused me of lying or was insinuating I was lying, and she will know, I would feel the trust was gone and give you notice. If I thought parents were discussing me in a negative way again I would be devestated.

However is she registered? If I took my mindees anywhere I would take loads of photos to show to Ofsted as you need photographic proof of bloody everything and at a zoo of all places I would have sent you photo updates during the day.

I also wouldn't have charged you either. A big trip ever so often was all part of the service.

Basically I think if you believe your ds then you don't trust the cm and you should give her notice.

Tricky one.

Taking 4 (it was 4 wasn't it?) kids to Chester Zoo for the day is a huge deal in my book. Not only is it an expensive day out but the place is VAST - how does she keep a track of 4 little ones? Decide on a route/schedule (unless she's been countless times before), cope with getting them all to the loo etc?
Any adult doing this would be absolutely shattered at the end of the trip, perhaps you could feign admiration for such a demanding outing, ask how the parking was, did any of the kids fall asleep on the way back, how did they like the mono-rail, where did they pick to have lunch etc ...... Find it very difficult to believe she didn't take a single snap of kids/animals.

As pp have said, it seems like such an unlikely lie, but something here just doesn't add up. I'm intrigued!

I also wouldn't have charged you either. A big trip ever so often was all part of the service

There's nothing wrong with a childminder charging for trips though, thats the norm from where I come from.

I also wonder if the cm is on mumsnet?

blondes sits on fence,pulling splinters

i have worked with children for 25yrs, they lie and deny things that have happened, from 'we did nothing today' when we went to the beach and yes i had pics of proof, to 'my mummy is having a baby'

saying all that, seems very weird that 1) cm didnt take any pics at all 2) your child didnt mention any animals and most kids love zoos

how far is the zoo from you,can you drive past it and say 'is this the museum you want to with cm'

how long has ds been at cm? any other not quite adding up incidents?

i would say to cm next time you see her, so weird ds still says he went to a museum and not the zoo, have you ever taken him to one

or what animals did he/other children see, or wait in the car for another parent to pick up and ask her/her child

My DD often makes up stories, sometimes she is convinced that things she dreamt are real and will argue with me that it definitely happened.

If this happened to me I would let it go this time, but be very suspicious in the future and ask or receipts and photos for any future outings.

Could you take him to the museum (if it's not far away) and see his response?

To anyone who doesn't know, Chester zoo is massive. It is also very child friendly and set up for children including a really cool dinosaur exhibit. Can you honestly say that, although children are very imaginative and make up stories, your dc's would not have mentioned anything at all about these huge and awesome animals? Unless they go there weekly, they should be at the very least mentioning something about an elephant, lion, chimpanzee, tiger etc. Instead this child talked about tin hats and coins. It isn't the money, its the trust issue. I would usually give the cm the benefit of the doubt but something feels wrong about this.

Just as a side note I charge for anything above £5, I would not go on a trip and take 4 children with me to a place that cost £21 each + however much the adult fee was, without asking for parents to pay.

Kids telling random one-off lies is one thing. Mine might make something random up, but if I then asked them about the zoo or the animals, they'd go back to reality, they wouldn't deny doing something they had done. They're not that devious, and even if they were what's their motivation for lying?

It also seems far-fetched for a CM to lie, but at least there is a potential motivation there if she's covering for a mistake or something. My bet would be CM got in a muddle about days and went to the zoo on a day your child wasn't there, but accidentally charged you for it. And is now too embarrassed to admit it and trying to face it out.

I'd be inclined to dig a bit further. Wouldn't think a CM who doesn't manage to get a single photo on a big day out to be a huge loss.