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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

1004 replies

user1469643462 · 27/07/2016 19:31

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

OP posts:

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SirVixofVixHall · 28/07/2016 17:24

Perhaps if the tickets were cheaper en masse/online , then that difference paid for her ticket? I think you need to talk more to your ds about the zoo animals, ask him which on he liked the most etc. Asking the cm for a ticket so that you can buy an annual pass, therefore making any further trips cheaper is a good idea too. Failing that, take him to the museum, to rule it out, as its free. Then maybe take him to the zoo?

niceday · 28/07/2016 17:25

OP, do you trust the CM?
If you don't, then of course you cannot leave your ds with her any more.
If you do - then just let it go and ask for evidence (pictures) the next time and don't break her trust with you.

My ds takes time to process events and his timeline is never straight. When they visited animal farm with the school I could barely extract anything animal-related from him. When he comes back from school, he does not remember what they did. A few days later he might ask to explain something he saw.

Lemonlady22 · 28/07/2016 17:30

i just remembered when i was in infants school (a good 50 years ago) i told my mum and dad that the teachers dog had died and she was keeping his skull in a jar in the classroom....it was infact a large sea shell....i dont think my parents believed me the next time i told them that robbers had left a stash of cash under the portacabin in the school playground, to explain where i had gotten a £ note from (i had found it in the street)

BeautyQueenFromMars · 28/07/2016 17:31

I don't take my DS to the zoo any more, as he's not remotely interested in the animals. All he talks about afterwards is the food, the playground areas, the bus or train rides and the gift shop. If anyone asks him what animal he was most excited to see/liked best, he just shrugs and says he doesn't know.

Also, my niece has given me detailed descriptions of things that she has literally just finished doing or having before I saw her, but it usually turns out to be something she has experienced several days or weeks ago, or completely made up.

Could your DS have slept on the way home from the zoo/museum, and now has the visits confused?

perkies · 28/07/2016 17:36

I thinks really unlikely the CM would lie!

Just keep your eyes open & ask for photos in future...

And meantime befriend the other parents (if possible).

... If you're 100% happy with all other aspects.

Btw - did you phone her references? I always ask really tough questions at that point. Even if I'm cringing at myself when asking them!

Lndnmummy · 28/07/2016 17:45

My (ex) childminder did this too ie lied about where she had been. I had a lovely report from her from the local dinasour park whilst my friend saw my ds then 14mnths in starbucks 😒...

Can you say to your son something like "what animals did you see today" and see what he says? Could you ask CM for a record of payment for the zoo saying that you need it for your records?

For me it was a trust thing, I don't care about my son being in starbucks so much but the fact that she lied to the point of writing a detailed report really bothered me and in the end I left. I just couldn't trust her when she lied even about trivial stuff like that.

nokidshere · 28/07/2016 17:45

out but the place is VAST - how does she keep a track of 4 little ones? Decide on a route/schedule (unless she's been countless times before), cope with getting them all to the loo etc?

As a childminder I hate people asking this - its my job, its what I do everyday, its my normal! Planning and organisation is the same in any job isnt it? I wouldn't dream of asking other people how they manage to do their jobs

PersianCatLady · 28/07/2016 18:08

Something is not right here.

I would expect a CM to provide a little more information about your son's day even if that only involves going to the park.

On a day trip like this I would definitely expect photographs.

Also I don't think you are being unreasonable to ask for a ticket stub and or the leaflet that they give you when you go to the zoo that shows you where the exhibits are. You could say that you would like them for DS's memory book?

I am well aware that you are only talking about £21 but if she did the same to all of the parents that is over £80.

Also if you don't resolve this now you will never really be able to trust her 100%.

RichardBucket · 28/07/2016 18:24

babybarrister You've got to tell the rest of that story!!

I remember my brother telling everybody at school our mum was pregnant when she very definitely wasn't (and was very much single). She was so embarrassed.

Permanentlyexhausted · 28/07/2016 18:25

I think it's highly unlikely that the CM is lying and there are way too many wannabe private detectives on this thread, most of whom have the subtlety of a brick.

If you're going to ask for ticket stubs, FFS just say you don't trust her and want proof. Don't waste your time, or hers, by pretending you need them for your records or for a memory book. Anyone would have to be several sandwiches short of a picnic to believe that when the OP has never wanted them before and has already questioned her about it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/07/2016 18:26

the place is VAST - how does she keep a track of 4 little ones? Decide on a route/schedule (unless she's been countless times before), cope with getting them all to the loo etc?

its our job!! (im a nanny) and quite capable of taking several children to whipsnade zoo/the beach/london zoo etc

and a 5yr isnt a little one, as a cm she wont have more then 3 under 5, so may be 4 old ones

Corialanusburt · 28/07/2016 18:30

Any update OP?

NotQuitePerfect · 28/07/2016 18:37

apologies, nokidshere and Blondes

Kanga59 · 28/07/2016 18:39

shameless place mark

Permanentlyexhausted · 28/07/2016 18:40

its our job!! (im a nanny) and quite capable of taking several children to whipsnade zoo/the beach/london zoo etc

This. I'm a guider so it's not actually my 'job', but I've taken 7-year-olds on buses, trains, boats, to museums, on night-hikes, to zoos, around London. I know they're older but our ratios are 1:8. It's not that hard, although you do a lot of counting.

ElsieMc · 28/07/2016 18:46

This feels wrong to me. I had a very young childminder for my dd's when I worked full time and she regularly got things wrong but if she hadn't already admitted it to me, then my dd's would tell all, in full detail. For example, being a bit short of cash for the cinema and begging the staff to let her and the girls in which she was quite adept at. Their stories always tallied and I never felt the need to check matters out because I knew what went on, both good and bad.

Having said this my gs often told me stories about his reception teacher who cruelly encouraged him to climb a tree and then pushed him down. I made a point of confronting her with his (lies) stories. She said that strangely that was one of the things she was accused of quite regularly, and was completely unfazed. I think it is the face to face reaction you need to see.

wheresthel1ght · 28/07/2016 18:51

My dd is 3 and quite often comes homes and regales me of trips to the play centre of animal park which bare no resemblance to the notes in her book/handover from the childminder. But she does the same to dp about trips with me.

I suspect he has probably been on the last couple of days and has got confused maybe?

Is there any reason not to trust the CM?

Original poster

user1469643462 · 28/07/2016 19:03

I have only known her for a couple of weeks, I met her once during the last week of term and then met her again with ds, she was good with him. She has had him 4 times so far, so I haven't really got to know her really well, but I wouldn't have picked her if I didn't think she was good. It's so hard, I'm going to try and get there a bit earlier tomorrow, the other children are always there when we arrive, I think they go all week... Not sure though, I need to talk to the parents.

I don't want to upset her, which is why I don't want to keep asking her, the parents would be a great place to start. He hasn't spoken about any dinosaurs or cool sections that the zoo seems to have. I have asked him to list all the animals he saw yesterday and he said 'a dog'... I asked him where he saw that and he said a lady was walking her dog... It is seeming more and more like he is telling the truth, but when I think of that, it can't be! It just doesn't seem like something she would do, I'm hoping I get to have a word with the other parents tomorrow

OP posts:

Corialanusburt · 28/07/2016 19:07

Have you shown him photos of the local museum?

marblestatue · 28/07/2016 19:07

I had a lovely report from her from the local dinasour park whilst my friend saw my ds then 14mnths in starbucks

Original poster

user1469643462 · 28/07/2016 19:10

No, but I must do that

OP posts:

silvermantela · 28/07/2016 19:18

Could you try another way and phone up/visit the museum and ask them? You could take DS and pretend he'd lost something and you wanted to see if they'd found it, or that he was so impressed by the man who showed them around you wanted to pop in to say thanks in person....

This obviously depends on the size of the museum and how quickly you go in...I've worked in a few, if you're talking the size of the V&A with 1000s of people wandering around on their own each day, obviously this won't work, if it is one of those tiny local ones where the staff are really interactive and you go within a day or two of the first visit then it might be worth a try?

Donthate · 28/07/2016 19:37

Yes definitely go to the museum with him. Ask him to show you where the toilets are etc if he knows you will know he has been there!

laurzj82 · 28/07/2016 19:54

Not place marking. Not me.

monkeymamma · 28/07/2016 19:59

My ds told me that was hiding in our blueberry bush and had done a poo there. I was a bit taken aback until I later realised he has an imaginary (I assume) cat who has the same name as said key worker. Made me chuckle though!
He's 4.5 and I definitely wouldn't assume that he was talking about real events of that day. But maybe a lot changes between 4 and 5!

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