would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

[user1469643462]

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

others are right to point out that any hint of accusation or checking up might deeply offend your childminder and you could lose her.

A less risky option might be to leave this one, but next time she wants extra money, say then that you will need tickets for DS's scrapbook, receipt for your accounts or whatever.

It's not good planning on your CM's part - we get photos for regular days at nursery, if she'd taken one pic of the expensive trip, you'd have no questions. My DD (5) makes up some very believable completely false stories, she enjoys seeing what she can get people to believe, she's had everyone going at some point. I'd simply ask for photos or tickets next time.

How bloody awkward. Is there any way you could 'hover' at the other children's' pick up times? I'm inclined to go not only with your son, but your gut instinct - you wouldn't have posted if you thought DS was simply confused. Anyway you could make a jokey remark about DS not mentioning the animals? Pretty PA, though. I'm crap at confrontation, so no real advice, except try & corner the other parents if at all possible.

I wouldn't leave it! I will never be able to trust the CM completely if you don't get to the bottom of it.
I would discuss it with your son again the next time you drop him off at the CM, in front of her. See what she says when your son says he doesn't recall the zoo but remembers the museum. Maybe at this point ask if she has pictures, saying it might help him remember, or the tickets.

Do you drive? Can you drive to the zoo to see if he recognises it at all from outside - also a chance to ask at gate if they have anything like what he mentioned. My desire to find out truth would be less about money and more about trust

Dying to know the outcome of this. Im a childminder , if your childminder is lying that would be mortifying, but, if it turns out they have been to the zoo...well if you were my client you'd be getting immediate notice, the trust would be completely gone.

I know kids tell stories but this definitely not ringing true here. To come up with such a vivid detailed story about what sounds like a war museum with no sight of a single elephant, and everyone loves to see an elephant don't they? is just very odd.

I think the previous poster who mentioned the free exhibition at Chester is probably not far wrong.

Can you not do it in a passive way?

'ohh I'm sorry about my message yesterday. Ds kept going on about artefacts he had seen. He must have thought it was a museum because of the zoo displays.'

That way you don't sound like you are accusing her but she knows ds if verbal enough to out her in future if she is lying. You should be able to tell off her reaction too.

He could still be talking about the explorer's bit at Chessington, plus the coin minting thing. I do hope so!

You've got to take him to the Grosvenor Museum today. I bet they'll recognise him.

I'd be giving my son a disposable camera on the next day out so he can take his own pictures to show you where he's been! For his scrap book, you know..,

I am also believeing the child who said their mother was locked in the bathroom, I cannot see how a child would even come up with this story unless something similar had been wittinessed in the past.

When DS was just short of 6 yrs he went for a day out with my sister & his cousins. Around lunchtime I got a very worried phone call from DSis saying how sorry she was about what happened with the plumber and was I ok, could she do anything, had we gone to the police? Etc.

DS had told an elaborate story about "the bad man" who came to "do things to the sink". Apparently I had taken him a cup of tea while he was working in the bathroom and he pushed me against the wall and wouldn't let go of me and "Daddy had to push him out of the door". The detail was incredible. What the man was wearing, how he'd banged my head on the wall and Mummy was crying afterwards, even how he'd left his tools behind and DS had played with them until Daddy took them away and put them in a cupboard

We hadn't even had a plumber in, never mind all the rest. No one had attacked me. I hadn't bumped my head. I hadn't been crying. So it wasn't a semi-real story that he'd just embellished or got some of the details wrong - there was literally nothing in it that had actually happened. When asked, DS said he couldn't remember what he'd said or why. To this day, I have no idea where he got it from. Probably he saw a scene like that on TV, or else it might have happened to one of his friends who told him the story (he did tend to repeat his friends' stories as if they were his own).

Kids make up all kinds of stuff. Anything they've ever seen, read in a book, heard others talk about, can get stored away and regurgitated as if it really happened to them. One of DD's friends told me her brother had cancer, complete with detailed description of going to visit him in the children's hospital. Complete rubbish, we discovered later.

From what some pp have said, Chester zoo does have things that could pass for "tin hats" or "coin exhibits". And maybe the weather wasn't great and most of the animals were inside so he didn't see them - or maybe they just didn't make an impression on him. Not all kids go crazy over animals.

I'm on the fence (and shamelessly checking back for developments ) but frankly I'd be very wary of thinking the CM is lying just on the basis of what OP's DS has said. It's not a question of believing him - I'm sure he's not lying, it's just that what he's described could easily be consistent with a zoo visit, just filtered through the odd way that children often see things.

Either way, very awkward situation OP . If you're really suspicious, is there any way you could loiter on the way to dropping him off until you see one of the other kids' parents approaching? Then you could get to the door at the same time and ask if their child enjoyed the zoo?

i had an after school club member tell me how sorry they were to hear that DD had broken her leg last summer whilst climbing and what a long boring summer she'd had. DD has never broken her leg, or even fractured it. That's just one example, both they, and my nanny now cross-check stories from DD as they believe her, but they know that 90% of the stories are made up. I'm hoping she'll give Rowling a run for her money when she's older.

I'd talk to her about it the next time you see her with your ds there, you know just how strange it was that he was talking in detail about some museum instead of the zoo they went to, and can she remind him about the things they saw there so they can tell you more about their day! You'll find out more without accusing her of anything.

I do understand why some are asking why are so many people so quick to believe the child as most people know they can have wild imaginations but IMO the OP knows her child and for her to post here I would assume something isn't sitting right with her, if you have spent £22 on a zoo trip I guess you would expect to hear stories of animals not coins and tin hats.

Most children have a favourite animal, they would want to see that animal if in a zoo id expect to here at least a mention of that animal whether it had been seen or not... To talk in such details about what is obviously a museum, with no mention of a single animal it just doesn't sit right for me at all.

I dont think you can leave it OP as its affecting how you feel about the CM, no idea what you can do though.

My DH is a childminder and Im another one that doesnt understand why she isnt taking photos when the children are out in trips. My DH does this all the time, even if its just the local park which he then sends to parents with a summary of the day. Its also perfectly normal for where we are for parents to give the money for the trips. Summer holidays can be long, he tends to limit expensive trips and hunts for deals etc, goes swimming etc so it doesnt cost too much. But all with parents permission.

Orchids xposts there... I stand corrected then, I have heard some wild tales :) one which popped into my head, one was once bitten by a tiger, and couldn't go to school because of this wild beast (nobody had been bitten by a stuffed toy and the lipstick on the arm not fooling anybody)

I just couldn't imagine that something as graphic as the shoving and locking in a bathroom incident could have come from nowhere, but from what you say maybe that's a tale that has been shared from a friend? Either way a bit worrying IMO, personal history may be affecting my decision.

So I'm now completely now sitting on fence and shall wait to see what happens.

It is possible that the childminder has pulled a fast one. From what I gather, this is not a longstanding, trusted childminder but just a childminder the OP is using over the summer. Maybe the childminder needed extra money in a hurry and this scam was the best she could come up with?

Children do make up stories. It is not impossible the museum story is made up and that the child did go to the zoo.

What to do has to be down to the OP's gut instinct. She knows her DS and she has met the childminder. My own inkling is that the childminder has been running a nice little feasible scam to increase earnings but I could be very wrong.

This is totally baffling. It sound like he has described the museum that's close to the zoo (mentioned by PPs) in detail and hasn't seen any animals at all. Even if he didn't at the zoo, wouldn't there be the disappointment? Him saying they tried to find animals but there weren't any.
But why would the childminder plead total ignorance about a museum rather than saying (truthfully or otherwise) that they'd been to the museum a different day?

I don't know, with him not recognising the zoo pictures I'd be inclined to believe him.

At Chester zoo you can upgrade your ticket within 30 days of visiting for an annual pass. You could ask for the receipt under the guise you are planning an upgrade?

I am also believeing the child who said their mother was locked in the bathroom, I cannot see how a child would even come up with this story unless something similar had been wittinessed in the past

It was my minded child who said this (4yrs old) and it turned out to be an older cousin had recalled a story about the time the bathroom lock broke whilst mom was in there and the 4yr old told it as if it was his mom and his dad had locked her in which was completely untrue. Children mix things up in their minds and say things convincingly when they are incorrect.

Orchids That could have been a dream he had based on something he'd seen on tv?

Kittens I'm laughing at the lipstick on the arm! Marks for effort there, albeit not for plausibility

I agree I'm not sure a really graphic story would bemade up just from imagination but recycled stories from Tv/friends are quite common I think. There were a few times when DS told me something and I had a bit of deja vu before realising it was a very, very similar tale to a recent TV episode. Thankfully he grew out of it! DD never did it, though, so I agree it depends very much on the individual child.