would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

[user1469643462]

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

Questions need to be done today or his memory will become less reliable.

At 5 dd would have told me the truth if I raised an eyebrow, and said we could all have a lovely chat about the museum with childminder tmrw

It does sound odd, dd went to nursery not a childminder and if they had trips we would get sent a pic....tickets in treasures book....at 5 they would have been allowed a couple of pounds for a souvenir....they also negotiated cheaper deals in groups etc.

I'm leaning towards believing your DS. Who could forget the zoo? Even if he'd said 'the museum at the zoo' meaning indoor exhibits.

But the childminder can't back down now anyway, can she? She's assured you it was the zoo, she can't laugh and say it was a free museum now.

Yes to Only1scoop, where are the pics, souvenirs, tickets etc that would be normal.

I'd show him Chester Zoo website and ask if he saw any of the things there.
If not then I'd definitely speak to the CM again. £21 is a lot of money to just wave bye to

I'd ask to see the tickets too. It's not just about the money, it's about trust. If she lied then she wouldn't be having my children ever again.

This is why I would always choose a more formal childcare setting with more than one adult hence nursery.

This is odd! I think showing him some pics of the zoo and seeing how he responds is a good idea.
It puts you in a horrible position, you like the minder but you do need to trust she tells you the truth.

I know nothing about chester zoo but a local attraction to us has a dinosaur exhibit where you can dig for fossils and coins dressed up wearing a hard hat...its the bit my boys go to straight away when we go there.

Shameless place marking awaiting outcome

Also blatantly waiting to hear the outcome of this as I would tend towards believing the DS too.

OP I'm in Scotland and have a friend who is a CM, if she was planning a trip like this (zoo/museum) she would have all sorts of forms to do and I think the parents would have to sign a form for permission etc plus they would obviously get a receipt and usually a little souvenir or at least a bunch of photos on their private link. I can check with her if you like? I'm really surprised you don't get more formal feedback from you CM like a daily diary or journal at least?

I think whether he's been to the museum is a bit of a moot point. The relevant one re the 21 quid is whether he's been to the zoo. And also, actually, why she didn't even offer to buy the tickets at the online price, which would save each family a fiver or so. Even if they did go to the zoo, you could ask if the 21 included an internet booked ticket a spending budget for snacks & icecream...

I'd love an update.

iheartttc Chester Zoo has an area like that. A load of small raised sandpits for children to 'fossil hunt' in. It's an extra cost though, so perhaps unlikely the CM would have done this with the children?

I have a 3 year old who can be a bit vague about what she did that day but if you ask lots of questions in lots of ways you can usually get one or two truthful things. I would expect a 5 year old to be able to give at least that level if not more so if he mentions absolutely no animals I'd ask the CM what she thought his favourite animal was as he's being a bit coy about it. Then you could ask him about that specifically then if no joy call her out on it.

We took my 1 year old to the zoo for her birthday and I could tell you which her favourite animals were by her reaction even though she wouldn't be able to say she went IYSWIM.

Well your DS sounds convincing.

But surely if they went to a museum when you rang and said about the money CM would have realised they'd been rumbled and said something had happened and they'd had to go to the museum instead and either that the zoo trip had been postponed or yes have your money back.

It's weird.
If you tackle the childminder again and they did go to the zoo then you'll probably lose a good childminder.
But if they didn't go to the zoo who wants a lying, cheating childminder for their child?
So you need to clarify it, OP

Might he have seen the museum exhibits on TV before/after the zoo (local news item, maybe?) or even picked up a leaflet at the zoo advertising the museum and seen the things in there?

It does sound like a bit of an unlikely scam for a registered CM to charge parents £21, pocket the money and take them to a museum instead, but not impossible.

Any update op?

I'd believe the childminder based on him saying he can't remember what animals he saw rather than there were no animals. I can't remember is my 5 year olds means of getting go talk about what he wants to rather than have to answer my questions.

Also people who have actually been to the zoo seem to say that what he is talking about is plausible.

I really can't see how this ends well.

If the childminder lied - you won't want that childminder to look after your child anymore, if she didn't and you push the issue asking for receipts etc then your going to loose the childminder.

It has to be down to the OP's gut instinct I think in this case, I would be inclined to believe the child.

I am also believeing the child who said their mother was locked in the bathroom, I cannot see how a child would even come up with this story unless something similar had been wittinessed in the past.

Hi sorry for being quiet, been very busy. he doesn't go to cm today, only monday, wednesday and friday. he doesn't recognise any pics of the zoo, but still need to do museum pics, as they are hardrer to find. I know, I find it hard to believe that she would do it just to gain an extra £80 but all the children are still young really so you never know.

My ds is now 9 and still has form for outright lies.

When smaller he would tell friends I hadn't fed him in the hope of scrounging extra food, often he would still have some of his last meal round his face, he once loudly begged me not to hit him again on the school run but he has never been hit by any adult that I know of, and only last term after telling me he'd seen his teacher in a garden close to our house and that they'd chatted etc, he pulled the most convincing baffled face and denied it all when I brought it up at pick up.
Made me look like a right bloody weirdo.

But...I don't ever recall him being unable to recollect something like that even if a small prompt was required because as soon as he would remember the excitement would just sort of spill out of him iyswim.

So if we went to the cinema then tesco, if at dinner I said to him tell daddy what we did today, he might initially say "we went to tesco" a small nudge would then have all the details of the film coming out iyswim?

I'd probably say you've just realised you can claim on this expense so a receipt would be great.

I can't believe how many people assume the childminder is lying.

Kids talk some right shit.

He could well have gone to a museumy part of the zoo and is remembering that.

I very much doubt a respectable CM would risk her livelihood like this.

Can you ask him about the dinosaurs at the zoo? They're the biggest attraction there at the moment. 2 of them squirt water. This is all my 5 year old talks about for days after each time we visit, so I'd be very surprised if your DS has been and not mentioned this at all. They do have people towards the end of that section, but not talking about tin hats etc, it's all about fossils and dinosaur poo! Sounds to me like he's describing the Grosvenor Museum exactly... Hope you manage to get to the bottom of it.

Heron - I completely agree.

heron and dame, do you expect me to just leave it then?