would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

[user1469643462]

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

I don't suppose you have much option of finding a replacement CM at short notice. I think whatever the truth is, You will need to suck it up. However ask for entry ticket/proof of payment for your "accountant" in the future.
(I'd try to speak to some of the other kids !)

It's very odd. It would be such a stupid thing for a childminder to lie about, especially when she's looking after an articulate 5 yr old.

Is your DS uninterested in animals, or perhaps has a special passion for the museum bits he talked about? I can imagine a scenario with DS1 where he might mix up an inside bit of a zoo with a museum, or where he might focus on one aspect of a trip that particularly interested him, especially if he didn't find the main part of the trip very interesting.

I'd certainly be asking for photos of any future trips out in advance - you want photos for DS's holiday scrapbook etc. We haven't used a childminder, but the holiday clubs at DS1's school and DS2's nursery both take photos of activities in the setting and trips out, so it would seem normal to me for a childminder to take photos of what the kids have been up to as well.

Didn't you collect him from the childminder's? You just say in your OP that "DS got home". So who collected him from there? Surely whoever did that would have had a conversation with the CM about what they'd done that day, even if it was only a couple of sentences. I can't imagine a scenario where there is no discussion with the CM whatsoever at handover.

Just re-read that you picked him up "and the CM said they'd had a lovely day etc..."

So what was the "etc"? There is no way that that conversation wouldn't have mentioned the place they went, come on!

It seems such a big risk for the minder to take. Especially as they are 5, not 2.
My DGD at 3 told her mummy about how I'd taught her to sew, with a special safe needle and some red wool. Her parents assumed it was a blunt darning needle and perforated card or similar. Actually it was completely made up and no sewing had been done at all!

In future, you want tickets etc for his scrapbook!

At 5yo my DD convinced her granny to remove the little white bows from all her pants and vests because she said that she had got into trouble at school as they had to have completely plain things. Total fabrication. Even now, at 16, she has clear recollections from that age of things which just did not happen: we did this, we went there, rather like the horse/dog story above. I'd be inclined to believe the CM and marvel at your DS focussing on some minutiae of the trip rather than the animals most of us would remember from a zoo.

Bombay, what an eye for detail! The little bows on pants....😀

I find it very believable that a child of 5 would make up a trip to the museum, but not that a child of 5 would completely forget going to the zoo and not be able to mention any animals when prompted (unless it was pissing it down in Chester yesterday and no animals were on show).

IME children fake adding new details/stories, but the total lack of any knowldge of an interesting trip on that day seems odd.

We've just been to Chester zoo and the thing my daughter (8) was most excited about was the coin squishing machines that make a penny flat. She probably has taken him to the zoo and he's just remembering the boring bits for some reason. Kids are odd at times

Children so lie so. Do adults

My dd attends nursey she told me they gave her mc Donald's for lunch

She actually had cottage pie with a yoghurt for afterwards

I go to chester zoo nearly every week (membership) and i think everything he has said is entirely plausible at the zoo! The easiest way to find out would be to call the zoo! Or tweet them!?

user146 Sorry I read the beginning of this thread the day before yesterday, and am fascinated I'm looking at the end now to see if you've actually asked the CM?

poster bombayflambe Thu 28-Jul-16 08:40:49

Agreed we have just come back on Hoilday my daughter keeps telling eveyone who will listen about the dinosaurs

We didn't see any dinosaurs at all not one it's actually starting to annoy me tbh

One of my 10 year old guides a few years ago told me that in the holidays the my chemical romance tour bus had broken down outside their house on its way to Cardiff for a concert and that they had come into her house for food and to ring the AA.
She was so adamant and went into so much detail about conversions they had that I asked her mum and there was no truth to it.

My DD is 5 and has a pretty healthy imagination but would defiantly remember visiting a zoo

Show him Google images of Chester Zoo. Show him pics of the local museum. Did he go in a gift shop? What was for sale? Where did they eat their lunch?

I wouldn't know who to believe.
I think if she's other wise a good childminder then I'd drop this but I'd start asking for photos and ticket stubs for memory box/scrapbook and hopefully she'll start doing it. Then the next time she asks for money for a special trip there should be evidence of it, if there isn't then start finding another.

Did you chat to him again this morning?

I know its awkward but I think if it were me I would bear down and ask the CM again.
"CM, I'm sorry to go on about this but DS has been so adamant about the museum and all the stuff he saw yesterday that I do feel uneasy. I'm sure that you can understand this. I trust you but it would really put my mind at ease if you could assure me that you were where you said you were yesterday and I would like to hear more about your trip to the zoo to see where he is getting this museum stuff from"

I'm sorry but even my 3 year old would be able to describe the difference between a zoo and a museum.

I feel awful for getting excited about the outcome! Poor OP, what an awkward situation.

Go into local museum with DS and find the man who showed him the kids bit. Ask him if he remembers your son.

Ive helped on school trips to the zoo where all my kids have talked about after was the coach trip ( who sat next to who) and the playground.
It would be a pretty stupid child minder who'd risk her career for a few quid.

Yes, this. My son has been on school trips and his favourite part was the coach journey. I've heard very little about what they did while there. They went on a trip in Reception to a place about 5 miles away and he told me it took the same time to get there as to his grandparents (a journey of about 1.5 hours). When we got his folder home from nursery we saw he'd told them all about his holiday to Australia. We've never been.

What have you actually said to them?

I'd have so many questions to ask both and would be gauging their reactions carefully too!

Am interested to see what happened this morning too 🤗