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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU nail polish aged 4.5

140 replies

MoonStar07 · 27/07/2016 15:58

My 4.5 DD is desperate for nail polish. AIBU by not allowing it? I came from a strict upbringing and I wasn't allowed to wear make up or cut my hair until I was around 14-15. I actually really would love to paint her toenails and I think it looks super cute. But on the other hand inside me I feel like she's too young. Her cousins of the same age do. But they're off a different cultural heritage to me. I married out of culture and faith. It's bothering me because I want my little girl to enjoy being a little girl. But I'm quite anti very girly stuff. When I was young Toys etc were more mixed. Eg no girl Lego or boy Lego and I remember doing lots of meccano when I was about 10. AIBU? Should I let her paint her nails? Or I paint them for her? Thanks

OP posts:
AugustRose · 29/07/2016 10:09

I don't wear nail varnish either but all my DC wear it now and again. DS1 (19) wears black mostly, DD1 (14) likes to try her hand at different designs and uses DD2 (9) and DS2 (5) to try on. They both love it and it's just part of dressing up.

MerryMarigold · 29/07/2016 10:26

Bitoffun, it is impossible to escape cultural messages. But I think it's a combination of expressing themselves (they still - at 7 and 10 - love to draw 'tattoos' on themselves with felt tips - male and female), being 'like mum' if mum has done hers and possibly some cultural influences, although that's the smallest of the 3.

Yes, dd did go through a phase of thinking blonde hair was so much nicer than her very dark brown hair, but at 7 she has already grown out of this (at the same time as growing out of Barbie). I didn't deny her Barbie stuff as it's all over anyway, and so it doesn't hold any kind of power over her, just something she has now grown out of. There is a line though and I don't let her wear stuff which I think is too grown up eg. boob tubes (she'd love to wear one!!). She actually prefers to wear shorts to school than skirts and really hates summer dresses.

ClaireF13 · 29/07/2016 13:00

My 3 year old received some nail polish for her 3rd, she enjoys having her nails painted, it's over pretty quick as it washes of by the end of the day! So I'm not overly concerned. Smile

green18 · 29/07/2016 13:11

I understand OP. But if you analyse everything little girls are drawn to: crowns, pink fluff etc its all wrong on some level. You can control what comes into your house. I hated all the pink plastic tat and didn't buy it but my DDs got some bought for her. I didn't make a big deal of it and they enjoyed playing with it but also liked dressing up as doctors/nurses and police. My 3rd old DD was obsessed with garages and cars for a good while before the inevitable pink obsession started around starting school really and the influence of others. As long as you provide other things too and don't focus on appearance too much I think you''l be doing the right thing. if you ban those things they might become more desirable.

MadamDeathstare · 29/07/2016 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stealthsquiggle · 29/07/2016 14:45
  • LassWiTheDelicateAir Thu 28-Jul-16 20:58:47 Personally, by saying that I am anti girly stuff, what I mean is a very lazy shorthand for being against gender stereotyping

Funny how when expressing opposition to things being gender stereotyped no one ever says "I'm very anti-boyish stuff".*

Not in so many words, but I resisted all things camouflage (including toys), and all clothing with stupid "boys will be boys" type slogans, and toys guns and the like for DS (DC1) probably more strongly (or at least more successfully) than I have resisted pink and frills for DD. So I think I probably am "very anti-boyish stuff"

DrawingLife · 29/07/2016 15:22

Have only skimmed the thread, apologies if this has been suggested.
My 4.5 YO loves the cute, childlike designs of the NPW "fingernail friends" range. They're crazy expensive though, so it's very much an occasional treat. I have to admit I've so far avoided actual nail polish, I'm not comfortable with "adult" beauty products for little girls. But curious to see the Clair products after reading PPs.
Re. the gender stereotyping debate, of course there's nothing wrong with girly, glitter and pink per se, but the gender segregation in toys and prescribed interests / roles for children (girls and boys!) are really aggressively narrow these days and I hate seeing my child brainwashed on a daily basis.

CaveMum · 29/07/2016 15:28

Can I just add a tale of caution to his thread. I know people are discussing nail polish but please also be careful about fake nails for teenage girls.

A friend's 14yo daughter spent 6 hours in A&E recently after she caught a fake nail on her bike. Instead of pinging off, the acrylic ripped her whole nail, including the nail bed, off. A dr managed to stitch the nail bed back in but she will need to have a plastic surgery consultation in a few weeks to see if they can save it.

My friend is mortified as she had agreed for her daughter to go to a salon with friends to have their nails done, and presumed that the nail technicians were properly trained.

NotdeadyetBOING · 29/07/2016 15:39

OK, I am clearly massively outnumbered here, but FWIW I really don't like nail polish on little girls. Any more than I would like make-up or pierced ears. They will be grown-ups soon enough! But obviously each to their own. Just throwing my 2 cents in as OP asked for views!

ijustwannadance · 29/07/2016 15:56

My DD has always loved having using my nail varnish and having a different colour on each nail. When she was 4 she had purple hair spray too and loves messing with make up. I don't see any issue as she is only playing.

MoonStar07 · 29/07/2016 21:00

Thanks everyone I spent £8 on some very faint glitter polish from Claire's it's still polish. You can barely see it. DD is so so so happy!

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 30/07/2016 00:18

Great news. Grin

BonnieM14 · 30/07/2016 00:21

My daughter is fascinated by me doing my hair, nails and make up. She's 2 in October and she's been "copying" with pretend brushes and empty, cleaned out packets since she could hold things safely (under observation of course). From about 18 months I've painted her toenails because she would be able to sit long enough to get them done and let them dry. I don't do fingernails because she still puts them in her mouth and occasionally finger feeds when she's too lazy for cutlery. 😂

For me it's nothing to do with gender roles at all. It's what she's interested in and why would I prevent her interests for fear of her conforming to gender stereotypes. She also loves cars, trains, buses and aeroplanes so we have got her these in toy form to play with. She doesn't care what people think as long as she's happy so why should I? I will support and encourage her interests, what ever they may be, all the way through her life because all that matter to me is that she's happy.

mathanxiety · 30/07/2016 02:45

I have four DDs, three of whom are very into maths and science. The youngest is a history enthusiast. All of them wore (and wear; youngest is 14) lots of pink clothes, and had their hair long and loved nail polish as girls and still do as young women. They always wore some makeup to school as teens, and they liked fashion and having nice hair.

Young women these days doing interviews and entering careers are expected to be very polished and confident about their clothing and appearance and accessories. If you don't wear makeup or do your nails you still need a 'sophisticated' look or style.

To some extent the same goes for young men.

You are seriously disadvantaging your DD by implying to her that there is something faulty or second rate or suspect about things that are 'girly', 'girly' interests, 'girly' adornment. The trick is to emphasise how 'girly' maths and science are too.

You don't have to start a girl young when it comes to doing herself up in order to end up with someone who knows how to choose appropriate nail products, deal with hairstylists, know how to apply makeup, walk in high heels, etc. But you do need to give girls confidence in themselves as girls. Boys are very much encouraged to feel good about themselves as boys.

I was a meccano and Lego - loving girl myself and I grew up in the 60s and 70s. I remember an environment that was very unisex in many ways but it was still shockingly misogynistic. Unisex was acceptable but girls who were pretty, blonde, or who took trouble about their appearance were considered bimbos. Basically, if you looked like a boy, or if you looked and acted anything but very 'feminine', you were acceptable. The message that girls were second rate was loud and clear.

mathanxiety · 30/07/2016 02:49

There are children's nail polishes - look for peel off polish. Klutz used to have a nice, non-toxic set.

www.amazon.co.uk/Nail-Art-Klutz-Sherri-Haab/dp/159174668X

www.amazon.co.uk/Nail-Style-Studio-Klutz-Steele-Staccio/dp/0545561639/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=61MXjDayz3L&dpSrc=sims&preST=AC_UL160_SR145%2C160&psc=1&refRID=939MP6SZXH0Q0DTYVDZG
Not sure if this one peels off.

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