AIBU nail polish aged 4.5

[MoonStar07]

My 4.5 DD is desperate for nail polish. AIBU by not allowing it? I came from a strict upbringing and I wasn't allowed to wear make up or cut my hair until I was around 14-15. I actually really would love to paint her toenails and I think it looks super cute. But on the other hand inside me I feel like she's too young. Her cousins of the same age do. But they're off a different cultural heritage to me. I married out of culture and faith. It's bothering me because I want my little girl to enjoy being a little girl. But I'm quite anti very girly stuff. When I was young Toys etc were more mixed. Eg no girl Lego or boy Lego and I remember doing lots of meccano when I was about 10. AIBU? Should I let her paint her nails? Or I paint them for her? Thanks

DD (6) has her toenails painted most of the time (mostly because I just let it wear off rather than bother taking it off) . She can have her fingernails done for school holidays but to be honest she rarely asks now so I guess the novelty has worn off. She does love it when she has it done though.

I paint my little girls (and my littlest) boys nail, not red like mine though. They have rainbow colours and pinks, they love it :) I let them do mine as well... and sort it out when they're not looking :D

We do toes quite a lot!! I only allow fingers on special occasions or holidays.

Not sure why!!

I have 2 daughters and whilst I was a little more reserved when my oldest daughter was little she's now 10 and loves doing her nails and her little sister who is 4 watches her and it's something they enjoy doing together, sharing girly time and talking about all the cool things they will do together when they are older. It's sisterly bonding and for that reason I don't mind. I am okay with it on my 4 year old as long as the colours aren't too brash or bright and as long as it's not for school.

Can someone please explain to me the I'm quite anti very girly stuff crap? Surely you should be teaching your child, boy or girl, to be who they want to be, dress how the want to dress(within reason obv rules for school) and think independently. What is wrong with being girly, is it somehow inferior??
Also, the comment re nail polish being tarty is beyond ridiculous, 5 years olds cannot be tarty, in fact no children can so you are just sexualising them which indicates you are the one with the problem.
What is the problem with red nail polish?

I think the problem with red polish MrsCookie is that it's what women who want to have sex wear and we all know that if children wear things that women who want to have sex wear, then men won't be able to control themselves, poor things. Then both the mother and the child will be responsible for the men's behaviour, as he can't be expected ever not to harass or rape someone who's wearing something tarty.

Plus we all know that women who wear red nail polish are tarts and sluts because they're signalling to the world that they are open for sex to any man who might want it.

Of course Sparrow, I should have guessed. All those tarty 5 year olds with their red nail polish.
To be honest I suspected that was the answer. (but maybe thought someone might have another reason).
I sometimes think MN is a parallel world, I rather hope so given that attitudes on here to little girls.

Well yes, MrsCookie, I mean we can't actually expect men not to harass girls and women, can we? Absolutely not. Instead we have to make women afraid of putting colours on their nails in case a man sees the polish, can't control himself and rapes her. It's only good and right that girls and women should live lives of fear and be prevented from doing hideous things like painting their nails. I mean, take a 5 year old girl and a grown man - who do you expect to take responsibility for rape? The 5 year old girl of course, because as we all know it is girls and women who provoke rape.

My kids have their nails and toenails painted as a treat. The older ones have to remove it for school though.

At the moment, my DD has no polish on at all, and me, DS1 and DS2 al have matching red toes! The boys love it that we all match, but this time DD didn't want to join in.

I am told there is all sorts of nasties in nail polish that I shouldn't be exposing them to. But they eat rubbish cheap sweets at parties, eat of plastic plates that even been microwaved/dishwashered, swallow bath water with bubbles in it etc too, so I reckon occasional nail polish is just another small thing that I am letting pollute their bodies

sparrow, sorry, forgot all about this! As I said, it doesn't stand up to scrutiny at all but I feel that red and finger nails are a bit grown up (but certainly not tarty, wtf? I think a really good deep red looks really funky. I may be a bit out of date, though) and I'm very much in favour of little children (DD is 6) looking like little children, not tweens or teens. But logically I know that doesn't make any sense at all. Still, DD is happy with her pink, purple or mint green toes so that's all that matters.

My DD still
Sucks her thumb sometimes. (6!) I don't paint her fingernails but she's currently sporting deep blue toenails. I do it. She would make an awful mess. I also use the ones that dry in 60 secs so she doesn't wipe it over the furniture!!!

My 8 & 3 year old's are both sporting blue and pink nails at the moment. It's just a bit of fun

My 2.5 year old toddler has Claire's Accessorie's water based peel off nail varnish on her toes. I worried friends would be horrified, only to discover DD's best pal had bright red finger and toe nails as did the little lad's Father, courtesy of his 5 year old Sister. I am very outdoorsy and anti-princess-based-shite but a bit of nail paint? Meh.

My DD is now 7 nearly 8, and has progressed from coloured toenails at about 4, to henna all up her arms and temporary colours and feathers in her hair. She loves it and is very girly, but from that first foray into polish on her toes it escalated fairly quickly. DH doesn't like it, my mum is a bit , but I'd feel awful taking it all away now after being (possibly too) liberal...

My dd aged 2.9 months is currently sporting different colour nail varnish on each toe and spiderman sunglasses

Personally, by saying that I am anti girly stuff, what I mean is a very lazy shorthand for being against gender stereotyping. I bought primary coloured things for DC1 and saw no reason not to hand them down. Yes, my DC get to express their preferences, whatever they may be - but I won't replace perfectly serviceable things because they are not the "right" colour.

My issue with "girly" accessories/nail varnish/anything else would be if it stopped a child doing something that they would otherwise do. For example, if my DD started to say that she wasn't going to climb trees because it would spoil her nails, that would be the end of nail varnish for the foreseeable future.

Not sure how old your dds are, but mine is 7 and has suddenly outgrown anything pink, pretty, princess-related, skirts, dresses etc. Makeup is still on the cards (at the moment), but I don't mind as I've never worn it, so I'd like her to like it. I think by allowing her to be 'into' whatever she wanted, she has naturally outgrown certain things and is becoming more like me by the day (I never wear skirts/ dresses/ makeup). Just goes to show that parental influence is far more important than telling them what to do or proscribing certain things.

I'm generally not all that bothered about being "pretty". I rarely wear make up and would much rather be comfy in jeans and a t-shirt than dressed up day to day but I do pretty much always have my nails painted. They're weak and brittle and without a coating of hardner or varnish, they're oddly uncomfortable. I love them long too and they break really easily when bare.

Both DS(9) and DD(6) occasionally ask for their nails painted too and I see no harm in it. We don't spend hours buffing and polishing, we're just making them different colours which feels no different to me than putting them in brightly coloured clothes. As long as I'm treating them the same rather than deciding what is and isn't OK based on their gender then I don't feel like I'm pushing any 'girly' agenda

I really hate the insidious "let's keep them in the dark ages and stop them from growing up by testing out jewellery, nail varnish etc" brigade. I wasn't allowed to do any of these things until I was 97, so neither shall they be.

DD(10) just had her ears pierced. The snotty remarks I've had from people has been a real eye opener. "Oh. [disdainful look] My DD didn't get hers done until she was 16".

Oh do fuck off. My DS and my DD have painted their toenails in the summer holidays for bloody years. It's called FUN.

I do the DDs' (7 and 4) toenails at the start of the school holidays. It has become a bit of a tradition and they usually choose several different colours.

I don't do fingernails, though.

When I was young I used to play with make-up and nail varnish all time time as 'dress up' with my sisters and friends. My mother still has videos of us all doing make-overs on each other around age 3/4 and they are SO cute. My girls aren't really that interested in playing with any of it though unfortunately...

Personally, by saying that I am anti girly stuff, what I mean is a very lazy shorthand for being against gender stereotyping

Funny how when expressing opposition to things being gender stereotyped no one ever says "I'm very anti-boyish stuff".

LassWiTheDelicateAir agree it's total BS, just look at me I'm so cool I don't gender stereotype except when I judge people who dress their girls in pink, let them wear nail varnish or pierce their ears.
Fine if you want your DS to wear nail polish, dresses whatever I don't give a shit. Fine if you want your DD to not wear pink, girly stuff etc but don't make out you are better than people who do enforce what are seen as the norm gender stereotypes because you are just as bad but in the opposite way.
I really dislike the reference to being girly like there is something wrong with it, it's actually the opposite of the stance I would think people against gender stereotyping would take.
And again someone has made a comment about being outdoorsy and not being girly (nothing meant by it I'm sure) but it's more of the same. You can be girly and outdoorsy you know!!