Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU nail polish aged 4.5

140 replies

MoonStar07 · 27/07/2016 15:58

My 4.5 DD is desperate for nail polish. AIBU by not allowing it? I came from a strict upbringing and I wasn't allowed to wear make up or cut my hair until I was around 14-15. I actually really would love to paint her toenails and I think it looks super cute. But on the other hand inside me I feel like she's too young. Her cousins of the same age do. But they're off a different cultural heritage to me. I married out of culture and faith. It's bothering me because I want my little girl to enjoy being a little girl. But I'm quite anti very girly stuff. When I was young Toys etc were more mixed. Eg no girl Lego or boy Lego and I remember doing lots of meccano when I was about 10. AIBU? Should I let her paint her nails? Or I paint them for her? Thanks

OP posts:

Phalenopsisgirl · 28/07/2016 21:10

As part of dress up play in the holidays I can't see the harm, in term time I wouldn't allow it and think it would be inappropriate everyday wear. Same with all make up, eg lipstick (bright, not a little shiney gloss) ok in the house but not out.

Ameliablue · 28/07/2016 21:14

Nail varnish is harmless and can be really girly. I let mine have it from an early age during holidays, keeping to light colours, you can also get glitter and germs etc.

Heatherplant · 28/07/2016 21:32

I'm painting DDs nails for her christening, she's 6 months. I think it's fine, never did me any harm.

Pollaidh · 28/07/2016 22:06

It's fine. I remember a few years ago being a little shocked when friend's children aged 6-10 had their nails varnished in the holidays. In my day that would have been shocking/my DM would say vulgar. But my 6 yr old now has her nails varnished multiple colours in the hols and so does 2 yr old DS (and DH, who is very at ease with his masculinity).

At school fete etc it is one of the most popular paid for activities, and this is a very MC professional area.

LongDivision · 28/07/2016 23:12

I wouldn't be concerned about it being girly or whatever, but definitely would be concerned about the chemicals - possible endocrine disruptors etc, in nail varnish, and would not risk giving it to a young developing child.
Maybe a bit OTT? But I think one day it'll be viewed in the same way as smoking.

SanityClause · 28/07/2016 23:28

Funny how when expressing opposition to things being gender stereotyped no one ever says "I'm very anti-boyish stuff".

This!

Feminism isn't just about girls being in STEM. It's also about promoting traditionally feminine things for both boys and girls. Get your sons doing some embroidery, I say! (Whether they like it or not.)

Tryingtobegood10 · 28/07/2016 23:32

My 4 year old adores having her nails painted! She always has, she is such a girly girl! She has very set ideas of what's for girls and what's for boys which really suprised me as I'm very opened minded and accepting! Maybe it's my falt though I did uses to paint her toes as a baby (not under 1 year) but I was the only one who would really see it so who would care lpl

MrsMook · 28/07/2016 23:38

We've now got painted nails since I posted mid-afternoon. Ds1 and I have 10 different colours on our hands. DS2 opted to have his in a rainbow.

horseygeorgie1 · 28/07/2016 23:40

My DD adores star wars. But she also adores 'girly nights' when we watch 'The princess diaries', eat a wheelbarrow full of whatsits and play with Mummys very expensive Estee Lauder make up then paint fingers and toes. I am sporting purple on one foot, pink on the other, green on my right hand and blue on the other. None of which are inside the lines because she is 4 1/2!

paxamdays · 28/07/2016 23:42

My niece loves having her toenails painted "just like mummy's" she's 3. No harm in it at all.

flupcake · 28/07/2016 23:45

Go for it! My 4 year old DD loves having her nails painted, it's a nice bonding time as I often do my toes at the same time. She also loves them multicoloured, we have a load of different colours.
DH hates it though - he thinks she is too young, but I have told him that's to do with his own perception of nail polish, whereas I see it as similar to face painting (and much easier to paint nails than 'please Mummy paint me as a cat!' )
The last time DH moaned about nail polish I got the kids to paint his toenails - he hasn't moaned since!! He didn't know where the nail polish remover was

DS used to like me painting his nails sometimes but now he is 7 he doesn't want it done. I remember when he was about 5 he accidentally went to school with his toenails painted blue as I had forgotten to remove it and of course it was PE day and the other boys in the class teased him. I felt terrible!

My eldest is 10 and she sometimes wears nail polish but she can take it or leave it. I think it's one of those things that if you restrict it and make it into a big deal then they want it more. If you let them do it occasionally, they aren't so fussed.

flupcake · 28/07/2016 23:49

Mrsmook that sounds fab!

BitOfFun · 29/07/2016 04:57

I find it depressing that almost everybody here seems to think that the desire in very young female children to gussy up their nails is "personal choice" and "natural" self-expression, devoid of cultural messages, and that it is seen as akin to North Korea to discourage it. There's also something inconsistent about allowing it for boys in the traditionally MN-style to support juvenile creativity, but then feeling ashamed of allowing it when the teasing of classmates kicks in.

Either it is a gender-neutral arty urge, or it's part of our segregated cultural norms- which is it? And if it's cultural norms, then why the near-universal condemnation for trying to resist them?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 29/07/2016 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Believeitornot · 29/07/2016 08:01

You can't get away from cultural messages - how do you shield your child from that?

Humans like to adorn and decorate their bodies.

The issue I have is where it is seen as "bad" to do something seen as "girly" - is that because it is inherently inferior?

peggyblackett · 29/07/2016 08:05

I allow my 4 year old nail varnish. Life is short and this genuinely makes her happy. She is more than happy to swim like a bullet, climb trees, ride a bike like a bat out of hell, show an interest in science and and and, so Im happy to indulge the odd Spot of varnish. You know what, it makes her really, really happy. And that makes me happy 😊

peggyblackett · 29/07/2016 08:06

BUT...not for school, never for school.

UterusUterusGhali · 29/07/2016 08:10

My DS's have painted toes at the mo too!

I probably was more strict with my first child, dd, but ds 3 has been wearing it since he was about 2.

I was anti-pink etc too, but the princess phase lasted only a couple of years. Embrace it!

Paucun · 29/07/2016 08:45

My dd is 4 and LOVES having her nails painted. We do girly mummy n daughter days with hair wash, ice cream and nail painting. We also do make up but for indoors only of course as she is very good at making us both look like drag queens..I dont see any problems with it. Its all just a bit of fun

Armi · 29/07/2016 08:48

I've told DD she is too young (she's 5). I suppose I have always associated nail polish with tarting oneself up to appear attractive to the opposite (or same) sex, on a par with make up, so I really don't like it on little ones. Nor do I like encouraging her from an early age to start thinking about hair, make up and nails as things she has to fuss about. Having read this thread I realise that I am probably in the minority but I still think she has her whole life to fuss about with all that preening crap most of us feel compelled to put ourselves through, without helping her buy into it when she's still little.

NoobThebrave · 29/07/2016 09:11

Buzz light year toilet seat 😳

The more you resist the more exciting it becomes...choose your battles 😉

flupcake · 29/07/2016 09:27

There's also something inconsistent about allowing it for boys in the traditionally MN-style to support juvenile creativity, but then feeling ashamed of allowing it when the teasing of classmates kicks in.

I didn't say I felt ashamed, but I did feel bad for him that he'd been teased. It's the same dilemma for parents of boys who want to wear Elsa dresses. As parents we can be fine with it, but we know that because of cultural norms and gender stereotyping there is a high chance they may get teased. So you want them to be free, but you also want to protect them from being hurt. So yes I guess it is inconsistent, if you want to view things in a negative way (which seems to be a common MN mindset).
To be honest, as a parent of both sexes, I am just trying to pick my way though all the load of gender crap that we are surrounded with in the best way I can, being mindful but also not wanting to burden them with my own issues. Some things I take a stand on, but sometimes you just have to let stuff go.

flupcake · 29/07/2016 09:29

Noob - well said.

NanFlanders · 29/07/2016 09:41

I never wear nail varnish - so a big treat for my dd and my ds when they go to Grandma's house it to get their nails painted. I don't think it was about looking sexy (and certainly it wasn't about looking like mum!). It's more along the lines of face-painting, temporary transfers, hair braiding etc.

Osquito · 29/07/2016 10:02

I worry about varnishes containing strong/toxic chemicals, but have found some kid-friendly ones (toy shops and online childrens clothing stores) because DS loves having his nails painted! They are currently a shimmery mermaid-y teal. He is a bit over 2yrs old and at first I would only do his toes because he kept his fingers in his mouth, but his nanna has done his fingers so he wants them painted too now.
I think it's a bit of colourful fun for kids, though the acrylics/fake stick ons (saw some for kids in Boots!) are a bit much for me.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread