Unruly DS or strict parents?

[ElenaRenault]

DS had a sleepover tonight, but I've just had to go and pick him up.

DS is 9 and was along with 4 other boys invited for a sleepover tonight, we're not very close to the family but accepted the invite as DS wanted to go and 2/4 invited boys are very close friends of his.

Drop off was at 4 and around 7pm parents phoned asking if I could pick DS up as he was being unruly and instigating disruptive behaviour.

I apologised and drove over straight away, when I got there 3/4 boys invited had all their stuff packed and we're waiting to be collected, I apologised again and asked what he'd done exactly.

They said DS kicked a ball into the garden from the kitchen, was playing tag in the living room and was egging on one of the other boys when parents were trying to discipline him.

DS can be disruptive and they had every right to ask him to be collected, but would you have done the same.

sorry

Fair enough FuzzyOwl, I don't think he was being that unruly, I doubt I'll send him over again. I'll ask this thread to be deleted.

And that's fine Elena because you are the one who knows your DS best of all and was in the situation to see how you felt things happened. It is hard to convey in a few comments on a thread but what you have said isn't putting your DS in the best light.

Why? Because people haven't agreed with you?

Encouraging another kid to ignore the parent who is hosting the sleepover is really disrespectful. I'm surprised that this needs explaining, though the fact that it does shows why your DD thought it was fine to do.

Teach him some manners, for heaven's sake!

DS, not DD.

I have a 9yo son.

If he had told another child to carry on whilst the host parent was telling him off I would be fucking furious.
WITH HIM.

You don't think that that is completely unacceptable?!
To openly and repeatedly defy an adult like that?

Never mind not sending him back, you can be pretty sure they won't bloody ask him.

It's impossible to tell without having witnessed his behaviour first hand. If he's been on sleepovers before and never caused trouble then it sounds like these particular parents are just a bit precious. If he really was telling another child to disobey the parents then that's rude BUT who knows what they meant by "egging on". He may have just been giggling or something while they were telling the other kid off and they interpreted it as "egging on". It sounds you've handled it well but if it were me I'd probably avoid play dates with these particular parents in future tbh (not that they're likely to hold more sleepovers as it sounds like they got a shock with this one ) Children get excitable when gathered en masse. Who knew?

'Parents unable to cope'- no, parents unwilling to put up with outrageous behaviour. As I said - I am guessing there's reasons your precious little misunderstood, badly coped with, not his fault child acted is such a disgusting manner for his age.

I would be mortified if my boys had behaved like that. He might remember some manners next time. Very disrespectful and I don't blame them at all.
We had lots of sleepovers and lots of fun but never had anyone so disrespectful as to be kicking and bouncing a ball around the house. Balls are for outside.
I'm afraid your son is in the wrong and maybe he will learn from this incident.

I was one of the first to reply but having seen your latest posts I would have sent him home as well. To tell another child not to give a ball back when the mother was asking him to is disresptectful and I couldn't have that in my own home. If I wouldn't take it from my own child I wouldn't take it from someone else's

Hilarious, you weren't there but you've decided on the small snapshot you had that he wasn't unruly. So basically he can behave however he likes and the sun will always shine out of his arse. He can be rude to adults in their own home and it's the adults issue. Warped thinking! Your son has a huge learning curve ahead of him!!

It's probably about 50/50, to be honest! Some parents are more lenient with other peoples children than they are their own, some really cannot tolerate bad behaviour.

It sounds like your DS may have got an easy ride on previous sleepovers, as have his friends, which lead to this bad behaviour, which was not accepted by these parents!

I think you should both chalk it up to experience and hopefully your DS will learn from it.

You're seriously putting that bratty behaviour down to the parent's too high expectations???
The apple clearly hasn't fallen far from the tree in your son's case. Fair play to the host mum for sending him home in disgrace. Your final comment "I don't think I'll send him over again" is laughably arrogant; do you seriously imagine he'll be invited over again any time soon?!

Tigger, 3 kids were sent home and from what DS has said, it was pretty much a free fall. They put on an old Disney film that everyone had already seen and left the room. Host boys got a ball and they all started playing with that instead. Not suprised it happened, DS has been punished as he shouldn't have joined in but invite or not, I won't be sending him back.

Yes op, it's all the other parents fault and your little Dudley is an angel.

They shouldn't have to 'handle' a child speaking to them like that or being disrespectful in their home after being invited there!! Your going to struggle with your son in a few years, good luck!

I think some people are being a bit harsh on the OP. If she hadn't taught her child good behaviour this wouldn't be the first occasion someone complained - she said he's been on sleepovers before with no problems. And the host parents didn't just send HIM home, she said they sent ALL the guests packing.

I'd also be wary of taking their account of events too literally. Of course they're going to paint a picture of very bad behaviour. They're hardly going to say "we've discovered we can't cope with 5 kids together", are they? The truth is probably somewhere in between. The kids, including OP's DS, all got a bit excited and hard to handle, the host parents freaked out and couldn't face a whole night of it. Which is undstandable (God, I remember having nightmares about sleepovers!) but I really wouldn't take everything they say about the kids' behaviour as gospel truth.

Not surprised it happened. And therein lies your and his problem.

FloggingMolley, if you leave a group of 9 year olds unattened, something bound to happen.

If it had just been DS sent home, I wouldn't dream of blaming them but 3/4 kid, it clearly isn't just DS at fault

i won't be sending him back
That ^ is hilarious. As if they'd have such a badly behaved, spoiled little child back. And word will get around, I guarantee it. You're doing him no favours blaming others for his bratty behaviour and his obviously poor upbringing.

Thought you were going to say along the lines of they broke /smashed the tv / iPad ect ect...why invite 4 boys over if can't control/amuse 4 boys...don't give it a second thought op

I've never sent anyone home from a sleepover, however I am apparently very scary if I'm annoyed according to my dc so they probably wouldn't have dared misbehave If your ds had been at my house and behaved the same if my death stare and authoritarian tone hadn't frightened him into behaving then I would have sent him home.

Thanks Petal, it's nice to see a bit of support amongst all the vile replies