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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unruly DS or strict parents?

142 replies

ElenaRenault · 26/07/2016 19:58

DS had a sleepover tonight, but I've just had to go and pick him up.

DS is 9 and was along with 4 other boys invited for a sleepover tonight, we're not very close to the family but accepted the invite as DS wanted to go and 2/4 invited boys are very close friends of his.

Drop off was at 4 and around 7pm parents phoned asking if I could pick DS up as he was being unruly and instigating disruptive behaviour.

I apologised and drove over straight away, when I got there 3/4 boys invited had all their stuff packed and we're waiting to be collected, I apologised again and asked what he'd done exactly.

They said DS kicked a ball into the garden from the kitchen, was playing tag in the living room and was egging on one of the other boys when parents were trying to discipline him.

DS can be disruptive and they had every right to ask him to be collected, but would you have done the same.

OP posts:

Serialweightwatcher · 26/07/2016 20:27

Your poor DS - doesn't sound so horrific to me and boys together can be a handful - sounds a bit like other parents are a bit pathetic and used to a quiet house, therefore they shouldn't bother asking other kids over to ruin their peace and quiet. They should have taken him aside and warned him before they rang you, or called you to speak with him over phone (which I presume they didn't do) .... think it's really mean to throw him out like that

gandalf456 · 26/07/2016 20:29

I probably would not but would have threatened to. I would have shouted a lot and would have felt bad and he would've had a crap time too. I hate being put in the position of having to tell other people's kids off so I wouldn't have him back for a while.

I'd hope mine wouldn't do that but probably would if overexcited.

I don't think she's in the wrong but I'd not be brave enough personally

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 26/07/2016 20:29

DS had numerous sleepovers from late juniors to early secondary school and although things sometimes got a bit wild all I had to do was pop my head round the door and they were full of apologies.

In this case it sounds like unruly DS not strict parents, sorry.

SerendipitousFoxley · 26/07/2016 20:30

I wouldn't accept being disrespected by a guest in my home "boys will be boys" or not. My three children are all boys and I'd fully expect them to be sent home for acting like that in someone else's home, I'd be mortified and furious!
Sleepovers are exciting, and children (of either sex) are bound to be excitable, I expect that. When my eldest has sleepovers I let things go that I might not usually, staying up late obviously but also gaming, snacks, noise levels etc. But I wouldn't stand for a child encouraging a friend to disobey me.

LagunaBubbles · 26/07/2016 20:31

I initially thought they had over reacted but reading your last post I don't think they did - he egged on another boy like that? That's really disrespectful.

lljkk · 26/07/2016 20:33

I wouldn't have phoned OP to fetch her lad for those things, I would have had the little feckers cowering in a corner scared to step out of line again handled the situation myself.

Willyorwonte · 26/07/2016 20:33

I'd be glad he is at home with that atmosphere.
Parents could not cope by the sounds of it.

alreadytaken · 26/07/2016 20:35

actually should have both really - unruly DS and strict parents - but if we had more strict parents we'd have less unruly children.

DelphiniumBlue · 26/07/2016 20:35

I've had loads of sleepovers for groups of boys, and have never had children behaving like that.
Messy and noisy, yes. Disobeying requests, kicking balls or playing tag inside house, not a chance!
They did the right thing by calling the parents to take them home. I'd be mortified if any of my boys had behaved like that. And they clearly had tried to stop them, but the boys were disrespecting them by ignoring requests to behave civilly. Hope you follow up with appropriate consequences for your son, and flowers for the hosts.

Tiggeryoubastard · 26/07/2016 20:35

I've had three sons and more sleepovers than you can wave a shitty stick at. Yes, they do behave differently en masse but if the behaviour was that bad that quickly, potentially damaging property and then egging on another lad to not give the ball back when I told him to I'd have rung you as well. And he wouldn't be back. That's pretty bad behaviour at 9, if one of mine had behaved elsewhere like that I can guarantee he would be left in no doubt that was not acceptable (to put it mildly). I genuinely don't see how you can ask if not accepting that is strict parenting. Maybe that's where the problem lies.

Willyorwonte · 26/07/2016 20:35

Yanbu your ds is old enough to know he was being disrespectful. I would be very cross and disappointed if my dd did that. Don't hold your breathe for another sleepover soon.
this is why I have never hosted a sleep over

SaucyJack · 26/07/2016 20:36

I'm sure he's usually an angel, and just got a bit overexcited yadda yadda yadda- but he behaved like a horrid little sod on this occasion and you should be thoroughly ashamed of him.

Just be grateful they were all sent home before they smashed the telly and landed you a bill for a hundred quid each.

Urgh

Original poster

ElenaRenault · 26/07/2016 20:37

DS has been to numerous sleepovers and he's never, not once had to apologise for his behaviour. I've never been asked to collect him early and he always gets return invites. I do think it's a case of overexcited children and parents unable to cope, I've sent him straight up to his room for his behaviour and he's writing an apology letter, but I am glad that he's no longer there, doesn't sound like they had much control over any of the kids.

OP posts:

StarryIllusion · 26/07/2016 20:39

I'd have just sat them all down and told them in no uncertain terms that they would behave and have some respect in my house or they'd all be out on their ears. If they continued after that, then I'd be ringing parents.

toptoe · 26/07/2016 20:39

Yep, I'd send a child home if they ignored house rules and then told other children to do the same. I'd be very concerned if my dc did that!

PoisonWitch · 26/07/2016 20:39

Yeah the telling the other boy to ignore me would have me incandescent and he would have been straight home. That is really really rude and no one should have to tolerate that in their own home. He needs to learn some manners and respect.

PenelopePitstops · 26/07/2016 20:40

Wow hugely unruly ds I'd say.

9 is old enough to behave

Buggers · 26/07/2016 20:40

RiverTam · 26/07/2016 20:41

It's not the unruly behaviour as such, it's his response to the parents, which was pretty awful. Maybe he hasn't been rude and disrespectful at other sleepovers, maybe he has but the parents have had low expectations of behaviour.

Well, he's now learnt that disrespectful behaviour to your hosts gets you chucked out.

pleasemothermay1 · 26/07/2016 20:42

She may have thought bigger this I don't want a whole night and morning of op child egging eveyone else on get rid of him and we can have a easy night

VoldysGoneMouldy · 26/07/2016 20:42

So another child was being told off, and your child was encouraging them to continue what they were being told off for?

And you're still wondering whether it was the other parents at fault?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 26/07/2016 20:42

If your DS had told another child not to do what I was telling them to do, he'd have been asking to go home, rude little brat. He then kicked the ball. FM.

YOU accept & expect WORSE behaviour than this?!

Get a grip, get some help & get some control before he gets any bigger.

pleasemothermay1 · 26/07/2016 20:44

And it's not about people being strict

You son has to learn that Diffrent people will have Diffrent expectations around behaviour

I once had to go and see one of my sons friends parents he was really rude to me and he was really shocked my ds said however I won't have it he talks to his mum like that all the time good for him

FuzzyOwl · 26/07/2016 20:44

It sounds like you have already decided that they were being strict, despite the majority of posters saying they thought your DS was being unruly. So why ask?

Penfold007 · 26/07/2016 20:45

Elena [choc] for you. The parents sound as though they couldn't cope with five boisterous boys but full credit to you, you have accepted your DS played his part in the 'trouble' and have acted accordingly.

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