AIBU to be annoyed with our nanny?

[lilythemonkey]

Our part time nanny took my disabled 4 year old and 1 year old to Chessington today. I said she could use our annual pass to take the children there anytime she wanted and last week she told me her 24 year old son was going to go with her to help her, to which I replied, "That's nice of him". She came back with a bill of £47.50 for his ticket! If she had asked me in advance I would have told her not to take them if me paying for his ticket was the deal, the annual pass was only a few quid more than his ticket and was a birthday present from my mum. I feel there isn't much I can do now it's done, other than not let her take them there again :(

I'm a nanny and would never expect my boss to pay for someone else to join us, even if it was to help me. It would be different if you had asked her to take someone to help, but it was her idea

I'm also wondering how many people would assume "Going to Chessington" was a zoo visit rather than a theme park. The zoo at Chessington is tiny in comparison (although years ago was far far better) and to most Surrey parents a trip there wasn't a zoo trip but a theme park. Did this all stem from a basic misunderstanding of what going to Chessington is understood to be to most people ?

I think the nanny is getting the best of both worlds. She's self employed when it suits her so higher wage, but then is employed so she can add petrol and outings on to it. It's one or the other. Either way this bill is not fair or reasonable.

I think a part time nanny with flexibility who lives really close for emergencies and is prepared to take sole charge of a baby and a disabled child is probably very hard to find at any cost. Who would take that one when there are plenty of Nanny jobs with a lot less stress for the same or better money and more perks.

I've just realised I've missed the post where the OP said her DS did go on rides. Apologies.

It's still asking the OP to pay for a service she didn't expect to pay for and can't afford.

I don't like the term 'ordinary child' any more than the OP's 'normal' but we can agree to disagree there. I'm certainly not offended that you strive to give your DS a good time. I'd like to think we all do that :)

Gosh im reading this totally differently to most. The nanny ran the idea past the OP, who said okay. Her 24 year old son gave his time FOR FREE to make sure the OPs children got the most out of the trip and simply wants his ticket paid - cant imagine this was a jolly for the 24 yr old. Sounds like total misunderstanding not someone taking advantage.

She sounds great, so I reckon you're right to suck up the cost on this occasion. Set clearer rules in future.

The HMRC concerns raised, are valid. If she isn't working for anyone else, or making herself available to do so, she should be employed by you. Be careful - you could find yourself in trouble.

She can't expect it out of the direct payments surely? If it's a short break core offer then you can't use the money for entrance to anything

Also re the HMRC issue - we were told we are the employers rather than the person who looks afte dcs being self employed, there was no choice with that at all although perhaps the scheme is different in different areas

It does sound like a misunderstanding. I presume the 24 year old would have been either with the baby when the nanny was on rides with your son or vice versa, therefore not exactly a fun day out for the general 24 year old man! She sounds like a good nanny but maybe a bit over zealous with the expenses!!

I would pay it this time but if another trip comes up make it clear that you only want her going to places where she can cope with the 2 alone as you don't want extra costs.

When I was a kid Chessington was just a zoo and nothing else.
Now its a theme park and the zoo is just a small part of it.
I would pay this time but make it clear that you won't pay again.
I was a bit about you calling your other child 'normal' as well. They're your kids I know but how do you think your 4 year old will feel when his Mum implies that he is not normal.

If you're local to Chessington (as I used to be) then TS very easy to 'just pop in' for the zoo/sea life/shows and not necessarily always bother with the rides. I used to lots, when my dds were little (4 and 2, older one disabled). But otherwise, yes, the zoo is not really the main part anymore, the rides/other experiences are. And yes, with 2 young children, it is so much easier with an extra pair of hands, just for getting on/off rides, sorting out the buggy/nappy changes etc. With or without disability.

I think this boils down to communication. It needs to be a LOT clearer, on both sides.

My nanny (have 3 dc, al have ASD) would not dream of doing anything like this to me. She would, however, be upfront about whether she could cope on a day out (we have Merlin passes too) and either I would go too, or she would only take 2 of the dc at a time, or she would maybe arrange to go with other nanny/carer friends and charges so that there were enough hands to go around. It would all be very clear beforehand though, as to costs and expectations.

It can be difficult to talk about money, but it needs to be done. If you cannot afford expensive extras, your nanny needs to know. If she cannot manage a day out, you need to know.

It sounds like it's time for a thorough talk about it all.

What happens regarding contract insurance, holidays maternity and sick pay?
My carer has her own insurance that I have seen a copy of.
There is no holiday or sick pay when you are self-employed.

Plus if se you shouldn't be paying for her petrol
Again it is something she will be able to claim for via mileage
I pay my SE carer mileage and other out of pocket expenses. That is perfectly normal. We keep a log of the work that she does which includes mileage and any other expenses. She issues an invoice with it all itemised and with receipts.

She is self employed as she is also a carer to her mum for which she also receives DP. Our DLA pays for extra hours beyond the DP hours she does for us. Sorry if I upset people by saying 'normal', I'm a bit new to it all and was typing quickly. If I say 'normal' IRL I always do the hand gesture for 'in quotes'. What should I say instead? 'Neurotypical' feels a bit too far the other way.

I realise im going against the majority here but if you are happy with her and she makes a big difference being in your lives i think i would just pay it. i would speak to her, say i realise now that when she said her son would help that was her way of asking if you would pay for him but that you hadnt actually understood that you were being asked to pay and if you had you would have asked her not to take him along. say as it was a misunderstanding you will cover the cost this time but in future you wont be funding 'helpers' unless clearly agreed before hand and all costs agreed. afterall you dont want to ruin the relationship and if shes good with the children maybe you can overlook it this once?