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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with our nanny?

115 replies

lilythemonkey · 26/07/2016 19:05

Our part time nanny took my disabled 4 year old and 1 year old to Chessington today. I said she could use our annual pass to take the children there anytime she wanted and last week she told me her 24 year old son was going to go with her to help her, to which I replied, "That's nice of him". She came back with a bill of £47.50 for his ticket! If she had asked me in advance I would have told her not to take them if me paying for his ticket was the deal, the annual pass was only a few quid more than his ticket and was a birthday present from my mum. I feel there isn't much I can do now it's done, other than not let her take them there again :(

OP posts:

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 27/07/2016 00:07

I'd let this one go, but outline that is she requires extra help she must inform you beforehand.
FWIW running a car for work is costly; extra for insurance for a start.
£10 a month for petrol is nothing.
There are huge overheads for being self employed.
If you were to use an agency for childcare I'm sure it would cost a good deal more than you are currently paying the nanny.
I take it you get DLA for your DC?

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2016 00:11

Plus if se you shouldn't be paying for her petrol

Again it is something she will be able to claim for via mileage

venys · 27/07/2016 00:11

Strangely my family situation is similar to yours. We realised last year we need 3 adults to the 2 children as SEN child gets too excited and runs off and an adult can't take their eyes off him for even a second to coordinate with the rest of the party. So for that part you knew nanny needed an extra pair of hands. It was probably a misunderstanding that you thought she would just go to the zoo and she thought get help if son wants to go on rides. Just chat to her about it and tell her what you meant. Maybe come to some arrangement and you will all know what is acceptable in the future. I know personally we are not doing Chessungton / Legoland this year as it gets too hard / expensive even with free Merlin Pass and Carer Pass from LA.

trafalgargal · 27/07/2016 00:12

I think a lot depends on what benefit there was to your son. Realistically it seems unlikely he could have gone on any of the rides without a second person along so I'd probably pay (and then send the ticket back to Chessington and request a credit for the difference between a standard ticket and a carers ticket).

I'd certainly not expect her to provide a helper for nothing when his presence made the difference etween him able to fully partake or have to miss out.

It would probably be prudent to make sure you know what carers perks various attractions offer for the future and discuss with her what she is actually planning rather than assume.

Even one to one I know from personal experience it's hard to make sure a disabled child gets to have a full experience at a theme park, with a baby along too it would be impossible without a second person (and fairly hard even with an able bodied child). If your son had a good time then I think it's pretty much a bargain to have the full experience made possible for just the admission ticket.

Bumpkin2 · 27/07/2016 06:14

Have you got proof of how much the ticket cost? If she told you last week then they could have got the early bird ticket price which is much less. I think it's wrong of her to not get the ticket in the cheapest way possible for you, but is there any chance that she did and is asking you for the full price to get more money?

TroysMammy · 27/07/2016 06:24

Doesn't a carer for a disabled person get in free as is the case with quite a few attractions? Then your annual pass would be for one adult and children. I would check it thoroughly if I was you.

DoreenLethal · 27/07/2016 07:31

I would be wary about paying as this infers he was working and means you have also employed him as well as her, and you might well be liable for paying him NMW too. I would take advice first, as paying changes the relationship here.

GetAHaircutCarl · 27/07/2016 07:46

I would pay on this occasion but confirm that in future, expenses need to be agreed in advance.

Notagainmun · 27/07/2016 07:53

No way pay this. I bet he met his Mets there and left her to it.

EarthboundMisfit · 27/07/2016 08:11

That's not on. That said, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking two children of those ages to a theme park alone.

ChocChocPorridge · 27/07/2016 08:36

Really Earth? I took my two (neither disabled) to various places over the holidays the summer before DS1 started school - so they'd have been 1 and 3/4 (DS1 was 4 that summer) - it never occured to me not to, they were fine (until tired hot and hungry - and that's when we went home) - I didn't even use a buggy because I spend my whole time crashing them into things when I do.

I haven't read the full thread, so I don't know what affect OP's son's disabilities have, but there's no reason at all that you couldn't take a 4 year old and a 1 year old around the zoo alone generally. If you can take them to the park, you can take them to the zoo.

OP, you have a highly unconventional (and possibly illegal) arrangement with this woman, I think you should pay this ticket, but emphasise that future expenses are fully cleared in advance. I also think you should sort out the situation, because I think you could be in trouble if the revenue saw what was going on

LyndaNotLinda · 27/07/2016 08:49

Traifalgargal - the OP said she thought they were just going to the zoo, not any of the rides. Did they go on the rides? Or did the son use this as an excuse to disappear off on his own to go on the roller coasters on the OP's dime?

maddiesparks · 27/07/2016 09:03

Presumably she has been working for you for a while, you like her and trust her with your children and she hasn't got previous form for this sort of thing? If so its a misunderstanding on her part. I would explain that you will struggle to reimburse her right away for the ticket as you didn't realise you would be paying for it, then is oils perhaps reimburse on this occasion (once I had the cash or pay in two parts) on the provision that it is explained that this mustn't happen again and if something she wants to do with your kids will cost money she must discuss it with you first.

blindsider · 27/07/2016 09:08

On what basis is she expecting you to pay for her son? Effectively she has been socialising during work hours...

Pearlman · 27/07/2016 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiona80 · 27/07/2016 09:14

I would never take my young kids on my own, you can't take one on a ride and leave the other alone in a pushchair. So I can see that he would have been a huge help to have there.
Do you know if they actually went on any rides? As you had assumed they were only going to the zoo.
I would give it this time but be clear in future.

trafalgargal · 27/07/2016 09:15

Wow some of you are hateful.
The OP according to some of you is trusting her children to a liar and a cheat ....you clearly have a low opinion not only of all nannies but also of the OPs judgement. Talk about toxic personalities. I feel very sorry for you and any children you may have .

trafalgargal · 27/07/2016 09:24

Saying she was socialising is stupid. With a disabled child and a baby to handle in a busy theme park she was far more stretched even with a second pair of hands than in the home environment . She's gave your son a very "ordinary child" experience rather than a (mundane) day at the zoo. I'd be grateful she made it possible not trying to find reasons to accuse her of dishonesty (mind you if she reads MN you're stuffed anyway which would be very unfortunate for your son as nannies like her prepared to go the extra mile and even get their family to help are rare when caring for disabled children as the word and responsibilities are so much greater and he'll be the one losing out)

blindsider · 27/07/2016 09:28

Trafalgal

There is a pretty simple rule, before you start spending other peoples money get their permission first!!

MunchCrunch01 · 27/07/2016 09:29

Can you call Chessington, explain the 2nd carer ticket wasn't asked for and see if they'll refund? I'd pay, but I'd make it clear that this was too expensive a day out to be repeated without prior arrangement of who was paying which cost. In her shoes, I'd offer to pay half, my nanny would offer to pay all of it if she'd got the wrong end of the stick, but I'd not let her as I'd assume we'd both been unclear. Good help is hard to find, you know whether you think she's a chancer or if she is good hearted, honestly thought she needed help with your DS and it's a simple misunderstanding.

MunchCrunch01 · 27/07/2016 09:31

yes I'd not take 2 dc if one was under 5 on my own to a theme park either, too tricky.

LyndaNotLinda · 27/07/2016 09:33

The OP has been landed with a bill for nearly £50 for something she didn't ask for. If the nanny didn't think she could cope with taking the children to Chessington alone, then she should have spoken to the OP about it.

For all we know, the OP's DS doesn't like rides or his disability is such that they are inaccessible to him. My DS doesn't have an 'ordinary child' (delightful term) experience at theme parks because he doesn't like most rides. He still has an annual Merlin pass (and a free carer's pass) because it's good for him to get outside of his comfort zone to do the one or two things he enjoys

puzzledbyadream · 27/07/2016 09:56

HOW MUCH is a ticket to Chessington!?

I really don't think you should refer to your non-disabled child as "normal", OP.

trafalgargal · 27/07/2016 10:00

Lynda you are assuming every disabled child doesn't like rides, that's a massive assumption, mine (also disabled) loved them at that age but with a baby along as well two people would be required. That's true of most families with a baby and a four year old regardless of disability though.I'm sorry treating a child with disabilities as an ordinary child offends you but I always made sure my son got to do as many activities as other children his age rather than restrict him. Theme park rides were one thing that despite needing extra help made him very happy . The OP didn't say her child hated the rides she said he appeared to have a good time.

alltouchedout · 27/07/2016 10:05

You know those people who (used to?) wash your window at traffic lights then demand you pay them for the 'work' you never actually asked them to do? That's what this feels like to me.
I don't think it's reasonable of her to expect you to pay this, at all.

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