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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with our nanny?

115 replies

lilythemonkey · 26/07/2016 19:05

Our part time nanny took my disabled 4 year old and 1 year old to Chessington today. I said she could use our annual pass to take the children there anytime she wanted and last week she told me her 24 year old son was going to go with her to help her, to which I replied, "That's nice of him". She came back with a bill of £47.50 for his ticket! If she had asked me in advance I would have told her not to take them if me paying for his ticket was the deal, the annual pass was only a few quid more than his ticket and was a birthday present from my mum. I feel there isn't much I can do now it's done, other than not let her take them there again :(

OP posts:

PandasRock · 26/07/2016 21:10

This all depends on the conversation where she told you her son was say she expressly to,d,you he was going to help her out (ie work, rather than a fun day out) and you okayed that. In that basis, you're lucky he hasn't billed you for hours worked too!

Chessigton is hard work with small children. And the disabled scheme now requires that any child/person with an access wristband has 121 on ant ride, so if the access scheme was used, she would have needed an extra person, due to age/needs of your dc.

BUT if the conversation was more a 'oh, btw, my son might come along too, and it'll be nice to have him there' then she is BU to expect you to pay for his ticket.

PandasRock · 26/07/2016 21:12

Grrr typos.

If she is a direct payments carer/personal assistant rather than a nanny, then I can see more why she would expect the ticket reimbursed. It's a different relationship (have employed both myself), and a more formal footing with a direct payments worker.

calzone · 26/07/2016 21:14

To keep things amicable, I would say I Would pay £20 towards the cost of the ticket but you can't afford the full amount.

Udderz · 26/07/2016 21:16

It was a misunderstanding by the sounds of it. She thought she had the go ahead to go on the rides with support from her DS, while you thought she was going to the zoo bit. I'd let it pass this time but tell them it was a one off as it's beyond your budget.

Original poster

lilythemonkey · 26/07/2016 21:16

Well that's why I suggested she only went to the zoo. Rides would be out of the question with both kids. I definitely thought she meant he son would casually tag along to spend a day with her. I don't have a spare £47.50 for his ticket, I would've suggested they go to the park instead if I thought I was going to be billed for his ticket.

OP posts:

Maisy313 · 26/07/2016 21:16

I would pay it on this occasion as she is good with your son and the relationship sounds good, but I would make it clear in future any additional charges need to be organised in advanced.

BummyMummy77 · 26/07/2016 21:19

I was a nanny for almost 20 years and with more easy going families would take friends/boyfriends along to outings to help with prior consent and knowing they were totally happy about it.

Never ONCE asked for them to pay the other half or expected it. Occasionally they'd offer, or if they asked me to ask a friend to help I'd expect it but if I suggested it then I'd expect my friend to pay.

BummyMummy77 · 26/07/2016 21:19

That all read very badly, sorry. Basically I think it's a little cheeky.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 26/07/2016 21:19

Agree with pp

blaeberry · 26/07/2016 21:20

Playing devil's advocate but logically if you pay for his ticket because it was an expense of his working for you then you also pay him for his time? As soon as you go down that route then the whole thing should have been agreed more formally.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 26/07/2016 21:20

I am a nanny and went on an outside trip today with my 2 and a couple of nannies and their charges. I used mums pass and only "billed" her for a train ride and the mileage to the place we went. If I had bought an entrance ticket I would have had her pay for that but paid for my own cups of tea. I spoke to 1 of the nannies today who asked if she should charge her ticket to her boss or if she should pay. General nanny consensus - if we are there in nanny capacity and wouldnt be there otherwise then the boss pays - cinema ticket/zoo ticket/coffee at toddler group but if we were to take the kids somewhere we wanted to go, for our benefit then we wouldn't charge for this.

gpignname · 26/07/2016 21:21

Sounds like a misunderstanding - if her son has helped out and is not charging for his time then she may have thought it was actually a reasonable thing just to charge for his ticket. Maybe pay it this time but explain to her that it has to be a one off.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 26/07/2016 21:21

What I meant to say is the son didn't have to be there - that was his choice and they should pick up the cost of that.

AlpacaLypse · 26/07/2016 21:23

This looks like an epic misunderstanding. The moral of this story is always talk VERY matter of factly about how stuff is going to be financed and/or reimbursed. 90% of the time the root cause of this sort of cock up turns out to be a terribly British embarrassment about talking about money...

Original poster

lilythemonkey · 26/07/2016 21:24

Alpaca I think those are very wise words

OP posts:

nannynick · 26/07/2016 21:25

She is unreasonable to expect you to pay without having agreed it specifically in advance. I presume she did not say, can I bring my brother, his ticket will cost x amount?

It was not clear who would be paying for him.

Look at the long term relationship, do you need to be firm over unreasonable expenses, or try to come to a compromise on this occasion so she continues to provide you with the care service?

GreenPetal94 · 26/07/2016 21:30

I'd explain you weren't expecting this and then offer to pay half

Iloveowls2 · 26/07/2016 21:31

She should have had the expense pre authorised.as an aside if she is working solely for you I would get some advice about her employment status you could have a big tax bill in waiting

camaleon · 26/07/2016 21:35

I had a very different (and at the same time very similar) issue with someone who looked after my kids from time to time. I told her, by email, that I was very surprised by her demands. She apologised profusely, said she did not want the extra payment. I insisted in paying anyway. She had always been a very good worker and nice to my DCs. We have never had an issue afterwards. She knows she cannot take the piss and I have always known she was very good with my kids.

mrsvilliers · 26/07/2016 21:35

Given that she's good with your kids, took months to find and you're happy in general I would pay the full amount. But then bear in mind what happened when discussing future activities. Offering half isn't going to make you feel better and will just irritate her so I wouldn't in this instance. Good luck!

fascicle · 26/07/2016 21:37

Unreasonable of her not to mention the cost of the ticket beforehand, especially since that appears to be the most expensive, on the day price. The website offers cheaper advance tickets and other deals seem to be available elsewhere (e.g. Tesco clubcard vouchers).

Hope you can come to some sort of compromise.

wheresthel1ght · 26/07/2016 21:38

I agree that it sounds like a misunderstanding. Could you maybe offer to pay half as a compromise but tell her that in future if she requires assistance for a trip out that cost must be discussed and agreed upfront otherwise you will not be accountable?

ReginaBlitz · 26/07/2016 21:39

Yabu for using the word normal in that context. Seriously.

RepentAtLeisure · 26/07/2016 21:40

If you do pay it, make sure she knows you didn't expect the expense. You never know, she may decide to invite him along again.

YouAreMyRain · 26/07/2016 21:41

Pay it this once as she's a good nanny and took ages to find but make it clear that this wasn't agreed in advance and that in future, all additional expenses must be agreed in advance.

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