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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about alcohol

50 replies

NeedACleverNN · 25/07/2016 12:51

Going to butlins in September with my dh, two dc, my nan, DM, DF and little brother.

Shock horror (not) my dad is taking two cases of beer for 4 days. Mum is also taking a bottle of Tia Maria which she will likely empty and my nan is taking vodka but will probably only empty a quarter of the bottle.

Me and dh are not taking any alcohol as we don't drink very often and have no plans to drink on holiday.

Cue outrage from my nan because we don't want to drink.

She can't understand why we don't want to and keeps pressuring us to take a bottle of something.

Why on earth is not accepted to not want to drink?!

I think my dad is an alcoholic which no one will admit to as he cant go 12 hours with 3 or 4 beers and I know he will drink every can he brings and will probably even buy more when we are there.

OP posts:

toadgirl · 25/07/2016 12:54

Try and get this sorted before you go as it will spoil the holiday.

Have a straight talk with the lot of them. Say they can do what they want and you will do what you want. If they don't like those terms, cancel the holiday.

Trouble is, once the drinking starts, they will probably forget any former agreements and the nagging you to drink will start.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 25/07/2016 12:56

There's no point in sorting it because like you said, once they start drinking it will all start up again.

Once we have put our foot down and made it clear, they will back off, until the next day anyway

OP posts:

formerbabe · 25/07/2016 12:56

Why on earth is not accepted to not want to drink?!

I rarely drink...and people are so shocked by this fact. I feel I have to justify my reasons in social situations...yanbu!

HumpMeBogart · 25/07/2016 12:59

My parents are a bit like this.

"What do you want to drink?"

"Just water, thanks."

"Don't you want any wine?"

"No, just water, thanks."

"Are you not well?"

I haven't drunk alcohol for over a year

DragonMamma · 25/07/2016 12:59

Whilst I think it's perfectly fine to either drink or not drink, Butlins is a particular type of holiday and in my (and probably most people's) mind - it's fairly synonymous with getting pissed.

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 25/07/2016 12:59

I am in the process of backing off from a group of friends I've had for years because two of them drink so much and whereas we used to go things it has turned into every Friday or Saturday "anyone fancy a quiet pint?" but their idea of a quiet pint is about 7. I'm quite happy with perhaps 2. Occasional comments have been made because I don't drink more and another friend who never used to drink much is definitely drinking more because of these friends. She will say "I want a cider shandy" and they will come back with a pint of cider. They didn't mishear, because they did it twice in succession. They just don't like other people around them who aren't drinking. It's dull, so I am backing off.

Their idea of a group weekend away is them spending most of the time in the pub. That's not mine. If it's not yours, and you know your family are like this, I wouldn't go.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 25/07/2016 13:00

Is it? Even with two 3 year olds (little brother and my Dd) and an 18 month old

OP posts:

HumpMeBogart · 25/07/2016 13:01

Posted too soon. Meant to say: asking why they have a problem with you not drinking may stop the pressure. When you come out and ask "why do you have a problem with me / us not drinking?", it's very hard for them to come up with a sensible response! Mine usually subside into mutterings after this.

ChicRock · 25/07/2016 13:01

I'm not sure why you've agreed to go on holiday with an alcoholic knowing this is how they'll behave?

TheDowagerCuntess · 25/07/2016 13:02

Sounds like you're just incompatible holiday buddies.

We have friends that we know we have a good time with on holiday, and then other friends where it wouldn't be such a good idea.

Maybe this should be the last time you go on holiday with this group of people?

JudyCoolibar · 25/07/2016 13:02

Why go with them at all? Spending time with people determined to get off their faces on alcohol is utterly tedious.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 25/07/2016 13:02

Can't not go either tbh

My nan has paid for the caravan with the money from my grandad pension. He died earlier on this year so it's a get together for her.

We will not be spending time in the pub as obviously we have small children but I just know that as soon as there is 10 mins spare there will be a drink somewhere.

Push comes to shove and me and dh will take our children and go and find some entertainment

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 25/07/2016 13:06

dragonmamma Ive been to butlins every year, sometimes twice a year, for 6 years. Ive never got drunk or seen anyone else drunk. So i dont know what sort of butlins holiday you went on!

Op i think people who drink a lot often try to make others drink so they look less drunk! I was tee-total for 4 years, as i was either pregnant, breastfeeding or both, and the amoumt of shock and confusion i faced was ridiculous. Your family are trying to normalise their own drinking.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 25/07/2016 13:09

YANBU and they sound annoying, but was there a tradition of you drinking with them in the past, pre-kids perhaps? I can understand them pushing to recreate "the good old days", but as you say, it's not appropriate with little ones.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 25/07/2016 13:12

Nope. I've never been a big drinker.

I have vivid memories of growing up and always being in the pub though so dad could have his Friday night pint (or 10)

OP posts:

NicknameUsed · 25/07/2016 13:13

I think the fact that you don't drink makes them feel guilty or that you judge them for drinking. Are you sharing a caravan with all if them? That sounds grim.

LittleLionMansMummy · 25/07/2016 13:13

The only 'type' of holiday Butlins makes for is a family holiday ime. People may well let their hair down a bit more than they do normally (as you do on any holiday) but its primary purpose is not to get pissed in charge of children. I'd just say they're welcome to do as they wish but would appreciate them not pressurising you because you're the primary responsible adults for two (presumably young) children. No further explanation needed.

BathshebaDarkstone · 25/07/2016 13:13

DS1's teetotal and definitely wouldn't go on holiday with people who were constantly nagging him to have a drink. I'd cancel.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 25/07/2016 13:16

Yes same caravan. When we originally agreed to go, it was just me, dh, two dc and my nan because my mum and dad couldn't get the time off work.

We was excited. A week later they had managed to shuffle things about and now they are coming.

OP posts:

DragonMamma · 25/07/2016 13:22

Maybe it's just the holidays that I've heard of them - people tend to flock to Butlins in Minehead, in groups, and get a pretty trollied.

Hand on heart, I've never considered it a family holiday type place that I'd want to go to, possibly because of these 'themed' weeks/weekends that I hear so much about.

Anyway, I've digressed.

toadgirl · 25/07/2016 13:23

If you still want the holiday with them, it would really help if you could at least have your own caravan. You need to be able to get away if/when it all kicks off about the alcohol.

Pearlman · 25/07/2016 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 25/07/2016 13:27

God yanbu. This really sounds miserable. Can you get another caravan? I just cannot imagine my granny nagging me to drink alcohol in a hundred years. Poor you, that's a horrible pressure to be put under.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 25/07/2016 13:29

You are going to go, so just say 'Yeah, we'll bring xyz' then just say 'later maybe, busy with the kids right now' or whatever.

There's simply NO POINT in waiting for them to turn over a new leaf.

Originalfoogirl · 25/07/2016 13:35

Yeah, I just don't understand it. Any time I explain that I don't drink, I'm treated with great suspicion and questioned over my reasons. So, I choose not to bend my mind with a toxic substance which leaves me with a hangover, and yet I'm the idiot?

I haven't had a drink for about ten years. Even when I did drink, I didn't really find many I actually liked, which is really why I gave up? Plus, the hangovers just weren't worth it.

I have no problem with people choosing to drink, or choosing to spend their hard earned cash getting drunk, it can be fun to watch. I do object, though, to parties, holidays, picnics, where every adult is pissed and there are children there. I find it amazing you can't be drunk in charge of a car, but you can be drunk in charge of a child.

I think the UK's attitude to alcohol and drunken-ness is awful. We need to sort it out.

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