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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about alcohol

50 replies

NeedACleverNN · 25/07/2016 12:51

Going to butlins in September with my dh, two dc, my nan, DM, DF and little brother.

Shock horror (not) my dad is taking two cases of beer for 4 days. Mum is also taking a bottle of Tia Maria which she will likely empty and my nan is taking vodka but will probably only empty a quarter of the bottle.

Me and dh are not taking any alcohol as we don't drink very often and have no plans to drink on holiday.

Cue outrage from my nan because we don't want to drink.

She can't understand why we don't want to and keeps pressuring us to take a bottle of something.

Why on earth is not accepted to not want to drink?!

I think my dad is an alcoholic which no one will admit to as he cant go 12 hours with 3 or 4 beers and I know he will drink every can he brings and will probably even buy more when we are there.

OP posts:

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/07/2016 13:37

you not drinking fails to enable their binge drinking, and probably alcoholism

hence they feel bad, and project this onto you

stand to your guns, choose a sentence and repeat it!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/07/2016 13:38

I think the UK's attitude to alcohol and drunken-ness is awful. We need to sort it out.

our culture is terrible, I drink BTW - but my blinkers are coming off, that's fo sure

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 25/07/2016 13:45

I wish I had seen your thread first (posted in the Jack Monroe thread because it was about societal expectations and how we define ourselves). I am an alcoholic/ recovering alcoholic/ ex-alcoholic ( now you see why I have problems describing myself!). I have been sober for four years and I constantly struggle with living in a society where drinking is the norm. To this day, I still make excuses regarding 'antibiotics' or that I'm 'too much of a lightweight' to get out of drinking (keeping the fact that I could down an entire bottle of vodka just to feel 'normal' to myself). Even when I first began to suspect I had serious problems with alcohol and would tell friends I was trying not to drink, I would be met with responses of 'boring', 'you're not an alcoholic, you just like to have fun' etc etc. I'm well aware (and envious) of the fact that the majority of people can enjoy a drink without it ever escalating into full-blown addiction, but it also really pisses me off when certain individuals are insistent that you must drink in order to have a good time.

IceBeing · 25/07/2016 13:57

I think I finally got my family and friends it might matter to, to understand that I don't drink alcohol (well very very little anyway), but now I have been told by GP I shouldn't drink carbonated drinks or caffeine either...

I honestly don't know what to ask for when out and about now....I just feel like such a tit meeting someone at a cafe and then deciding the only thing I can actually drink is now water.

NicknameUsed · 25/07/2016 13:57

I enjoy a drink. I also enjoy meeting my friends, and am happy to drive in order to see then, and therefore forego a drink. I prioritise my friends over alcohol. My friendship group are mature enough to take it in turns to drive if we go out. We live in a rural area where taxis aren't always easy to get hold of and are expensive.

I don't get this "if you aren't drunk you aren't having fun either. I enjoy a drink because I like the taste not because I want to get drunk.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 25/07/2016 14:16

I don't drink (religious reasons) and would not go on holiday with people who drink heavily. Is v. tiresome behaviour and not something I'd want my children to see.

bombayflambe · 25/07/2016 14:21

I've been to Butlins. Worst 4 days of my life (would have been 5 but I put the kids in the car and we came home) and I include death and divorce in that.
By the third day I was drinking white wine out of a Disney princess screw topped beaker during the children's noon show: your family have clearly been through the horror before.

bombayflambe · 25/07/2016 14:22

...I mean bereavement and divorce. I have not died! (though just a little inside at Butlins).

AcrossthePond55 · 25/07/2016 15:18

I wouldn't knowingly share holiday quarters with anyone I suspected would be getting pissed night after night, I'd have my own accommodation. Even people who don't become nasty or mean are unpleasant (embarrassing) to be around when they're drunk, especially with children present.

Actually, I wouldn't holiday with them in the first place. What a nightmare! There's nothing worse that trying to enjoy yourself with others stumbling around making sloppy idiots of themselves. I do drink, but know my (extremely low) limit. And I very rarely drank around them when my children were young.

OP, I suggest that if you can't cancel, you either try to book separate accommodations now, or at the very least have the money to get a hotel room if things get real bad.

Missgraeme · 26/07/2016 09:01

I bet u can get a last minute caravan cheap-my friend went on a Sun £9.50 holiday and we managed to get one for buttons a few days before we were due to go - Oh was she mad!! ( Hopefully on the opposite of the camp?? ) Hardly nice for the kids having drunk relatives invading their holiday!

LittleLionMansMummy · 26/07/2016 09:30

Op, they are looking for you to drink because it enables them to continue their own behaviour. That's what people who drink too much do. I was brought up believing drinking alcohol at every opportunity is 'normal'. It's only now, having been surrounded by it for 37 years and dealing with the fallout in its various guises, that I now see through it all. And actually, now that there are 4 children/grandchildren/nieces/ nephews (and one on the way) I think my family are realising it is not normal either. Dh has found it very hard to stop drinking precisely because of the normalisation of drinking culture that is endemic in UK society. Even his own parents - otherwise fine, upstanding and fully functioning members of society - questioned his decision to stop and tried to tell him that smoking is far more harmful than drinking! Try telling that to A&E nurses on a Friday night, or the kids who have grown up around alcohol abuse!

So, stick to your guns. You do not have to answer to anybody. They are questioning you because of their own selfish needs.

Rosae · 26/07/2016 09:33

I don't understand this attitude either. I went on a work do once. I actually wasn't drinking as i was trying to get pregnant at the time and thought I might be then. I drove there and used that as an excuse. All night I had to put up with pressure of go on just one, get a taxi and come back for the car tomorrow, stay on my sofa (walking distance from where car was parked). My manager even started leaving me out of conversations,whispering or even telling me to leave the table because she didn't want to be around someone who wasn't as drunk as she was. In the end turns out it was good that I could still drive as one person had a falling out with her partner who was supposed to be picking her up (turns out he had showed but she was too drunk too understand that he had when he called and also too drunk to tell him that we'd actually moved to a pub just up the road) so I ended up driving her home! Stick too your guns,don't drink if you don't want to but don't expect them not to keep bugging you about it either.

Wolfiefan · 26/07/2016 09:41

I wouldn't go. I wouldn't want people drinking heavily round my young kids. Can you say that now your parents are going those isn't enough room for you all?
I like a glass of wine on holiday but I'm guessing they will all sit up late, get loud and keep your kids awake. Sound horrid.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 26/07/2016 09:48

Thank you. I guess it is all about normalising but at the same time I think they both haven't admitted how much of a problem my dad has.
My mum doesn't drink much but when she does, she goes for it.

I can't cancel. I would be dirt among the family if I did and I would disappoint my nan who never drinks apart from special occasions and even then just the one or two.

I will be staying firm about my children though. Won't be leaving them in their care

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 26/07/2016 09:52

I'm afraid I wouldn't care about upsetting family. I wouldn't have my kids around people drinking too much.
(Misread your OP. I thought you said a case for a week! Two cases for four days?! How many units is that?!?!)
I would get my own caravan or cancel and I would tell them why. I finished a bottle of Tia Maria off a couple of weeks ago. I opened it before Christmas!!!!

Dontyoulovecalpol · 26/07/2016 10:24

I'm a big drinker but don't understand the drama about having to bring your own- surely it's far more normal to drink in the pub there or b pick up q bottle in a nearby supermarket rather than make such a big deal about it so far in advance? Yanbu, it sounds dull

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 26/07/2016 10:30

I'll admit I am a pushover with my family..

We don't speak often tbh and we rarely visit due to various problems that I have realised now I'm grown up but I just can't bring myself to do something like that. Especially to my nan.

Luckily my dh is fully behind me and will put his foot down if I can't

OP posts:

MaryMargaret · 26/07/2016 10:43

I sometimes use 'can't spare the calories' if if I am getting the 'oh go on have another one' shit. But judging by your Dad's beer consumption, chances are that would come across as a bit of a dig

It does sound as though at some level they know thete is a problem they don't wamt to face, unfortunately this might make them unnecessarily aggressive with you about it. Try and stay calm and just repeat something like 'We'd much rather have tea/cake/ice cream/a swim/go to the swings/minigolf/whatever with the kids.' On repeat. Make it sound like you are the ones indulging yourselves,so you can avoid sounding critical if you can?

FlyingElbows · 26/07/2016 11:00

I don't understand this "you must get pissed" mindset either. I did all that in my teens and early 20s. Poor Mr Elbows gets serious grief at work because he doesn't spend all his time (and all our money) getting shit faced every weekend. One of his colleagues is on some bizarre mission to get him out and drinking. She'll be waiting a long time! Drunk people just hold no attraction for us at all. Good luck, Op.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 26/07/2016 11:03

I'm in recovery, like Lorelei. When people are on at me to have 'just the one' and I decline, I just laugh and ignore it. I didn't work hard to get sober in order to justify myself to others. Sometimes people tell me I'm 'boring' for not having a drink, I tell them I used up all my 'excitingness' when I put away my lifetime's allowance of alcohol in the space of 12 years

Owllady · 26/07/2016 11:03

I can't think of anything worse than sleeping that many people to one caravan. I think it would drive me to drink!

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 26/07/2016 11:10

Not looking forward to the caravan part either Owl but nan keeps saying about how's it's a luxury caravan

Going to make sure we are out as much as possible and only really go back when it's bed time. Which by then the children will go to bed, someone stays behind to stay with them (likely to be me and dh) whilst everyone else goes to the adult entertainment in the pavilion

OP posts:

LobsterQuadrille · 26/07/2016 11:27

Another one in recovery and absolutely nothing would make me return to my dark days of drinking. I agree with all that's been said above, especially with anyone who's been told that they are boring and no fun just because they're not having a drink. My friends and family are delighted that I'm no longer the relapsing, shambling wreck of a person I could turn into some years ago and, if I meet anyone new and it's an issue, I see it as a warning sign. I realise that's no help with regard to your family and can only think that keeping away from them as much as you can will be the best way to spend the days. Hope that you manage to have a lovely time in part, at least, and really glad that you and DH are on the same page.

Alasalas2 · 26/07/2016 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 26/07/2016 11:36

We've already said next year will be a small holiday just us.

This is our first holiday as a family. Not been for over 10 years so not only is it the first holiday for me and dh but the first for the dc too. So I am determined to enjoy it. If some feelings get hurt, so be it. I refuse to sit in and drink all night.

We already have a conflict of interest as mum and dad want to stay on site for all 4 days and me, dh and nan want to go to ingoldmells and into Skegness. Mum kicked up a fuss but we have told her she can stay behind and we will go

OP posts:

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