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AIBU?

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Original poster

Date offended me.

112 replies

MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 08:10

Bit of backstory: I've lost a huge amount of weight in the last year and a bit, over 4 stone since having my second child.

Fast forward to yesterday, i'm on the 5th date with this guy i like a lot. We were by a lake looking at the fish and talking about fishing. He said that the largest (some type of fish) caught was 110pound, about the same weight as me he said. This is how the conversation followed.

"wow. You know my weight?"
He did a visual appraisal/looked me up and down.
"Yeah I'd say you were about 110, 10-10 1/2 stone."
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.
"11? 11 1/2?! he continues.
"Try 9 stone." I said, actually just dropped below the past 2 mornings.
"Really? You must be light boned." He looks genuinely shocked.
"That's what the scales say, unless they're dodgy."
He genuinely made a noise of agreement?!

I'm quite upset really.. i was feeling really low in confidence and self conscious yesterday anyway. I know he probably just suffers from foot in mouth syndrome but i can't help feeling sad about his comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 09:09

Most men, speaking from experience, aren't good with weights and !measurements. Most of them think 3.5inches is 9inches.

Grin brilliant.

OP posts:
Ifailed · 25/07/2016 09:12

so he''s not very good at tetradecimal arithmetic? I really wouldn't let it bother you. The fishing thing is far more damming. Drop him.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 25/07/2016 09:14

It's the slaughterhouse/ axe bit that's making me sweat a little.....

BasinHaircut · 25/07/2016 09:15

Sounds like he was trying to impress you with his knowledge and got a bit flustered when you reacted. Sometimes I get carried away and confuse stuff when I'm talking. Once I told someone my man had an affair with a German solider in the war and someone pointed out to me that German soldiers never came to England. I meant American really but at the time I really did mean German but got confused in the moment and carried away!

Id let that one go but just make sure he doesn't make a habit of making negative about you as thand would be a different matter.

BuggersMuddle · 25/07/2016 09:15

Another who thinks people are crap at guessing weight. I'm 5' tall and even at my thinnest (size 6-8) had people assume I must be about 10st. This wasn't because I look hefty, but I suspect simply because 10st is fairly light for a man. I wouldn't overthink this. Although the 110lbs thing suggests he's also a bit shit at maths / doesn't understand stones vs lbs.

BasinHaircut · 25/07/2016 09:15

*nan

GloriaGaynor · 25/07/2016 09:25

He has an axe in his car and used to work in a slaughterhouse?

He sounds like Fred West.

I would run a million miles on all fronts.

Huldra · 25/07/2016 09:25

Like many peole I'm really crap at estimating how heavy people are.

I am usually wary of men that bring up a womens weight. I once went to a christening where the father told everyone in the speech that his wife was now back in size 6 jeans Shock Yes, he was a dick. Then again my guard is always slightly raised when I start work at a new place and anyone regardless of gender is droning on aout weight, oh god its one of those places where everyone is on a diet and won't shut up about food.

Unless there are any issues for now I would put it down to foot in mouth and be more concerned about the fishing Grin You kinda did help him dig the hole by the raised eyebrow, he had to continue then. Have you had previous conversations before about the weight you lost? Maybe he was trying to be nice.

skatesection · 25/07/2016 09:42

He was "negging" you, I think. This is a manipulative technique used by some men to get women to like them. They damn someone with faint praise or give a double edged compliment and then the woman will fall over herself to please them. Or so the theory goes.

Sack him off.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 25/07/2016 10:05

huldra yes, I know men like the dad you're talking about! I have a relative who is very, very slim. At Xmas one year, someone got a shit measuring tape in a cracker, which was too short to be of any use. Cue lots of female relatives trying to stretch it round their wastes (I didn't dare - it barely went round my head); all meant to be a big joke, but actually was a bit competitive under the jokey surface (sigh). When it got to my slim relative and she easily managed to get it round her waste, her husband said "good girl" in the sort of voice usually used to say "fine filly". He is a bit of a dick too.

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 10:05

yeah i don't really know what to think about him now Confused negging sound sinister i hope it wasn't that.. although if it was then it spectacularly backfired cos he didn't even get past first base!

OP posts:
CoolToned · 25/07/2016 10:08

9 stones = 126 lbs, right?

So he actually thought you were lighter because he thought you were 110 pounds!

(He does not know how to convert stones to pounds though....)

Jinxxx · 25/07/2016 10:09

I think it's sad that you consider being thought to be in the region of 10 to 10 and a half stone is an insult. Isn't that just as offensive and unkind as your date's clueless remark?

SweetPea79 · 25/07/2016 10:12

What's wrong with a slaughtering house? Someone has to work there and I assume you eat meat? It doesn't start off in preformed plastic packets.

Piemernator · 25/07/2016 10:14

The only weight guessing should be fruit cake at guess the weight of the cake at village fetes.

Thefitfatty · 25/07/2016 10:16

I think it's sad that you consider being thought to be in the region of 10 to 10 and a half stone is an insult. Isn't that just as offensive and unkind as your date's clueless remark?

I kind of had the same thought. What does it matter what you weigh?

Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 10:17

no i don't think the numbers are offensive, i was offended by the fact he was trying to guess my weight by visual means which i found demeaning, and then made a stupid comment about having light bones.. which is just moronic.

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 10:18

basically it made me feel self conscious about my body through totally unnecessary comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 10:19

I do eat a small amount of meat and understand the slaughter process but i always though that it would take a certain type of person to be able to do that job amidst such death and violence every day. So it just makes me a bit worried.

OP posts:
Thefitfatty · 25/07/2016 10:21

basically it made me feel self conscious about my body through totally unnecessary comments.

The "light bones" comment is certainly a thinly veiled insult. That and the ax in his truck would have me running for the hills.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 25/07/2016 10:23

Yeah he won't have been able to guess your weight. I think there's a poster on here who posted a picture of herself on another thread a while ago and she was really slim looking but had a highish bmi. She was just quite heavy because of muscle I guess. She said she was into fitness. And the "you must be light boned then" was rude and does have a whiff of 'negging' (didn't know what that was till read it above so apologies if I'm misusing the word)!

The slaughterhouse thing is nowhere near as bad as him keeping an axe in his car in case of burglars. Like a pp said, someone has to work there but what on earth would he be planning to do to a burglar with that axe? There's no way in hell I would have anything to do with someone who keeps an axe about the place to use on other human beings.

Wotshudwehave4T · 25/07/2016 10:24

So he keeps an axe in his car - he must be prepared to use it otherwise why has he chosen to keep it there? No good reason unless he uses an axe for work.......

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 25/07/2016 10:25

Ah X post with fit and wot.

SweetPea79 · 25/07/2016 10:28

i always though that it would take a certain type of person to be able to do that job amidst such death and violence every day. So it just makes me a bit worried

That's the food chain, animals have to die so we can eat them. It's not a job reserved for psychopaths, it's a part of farming.

HellonHeels · 25/07/2016 10:42

I don't like the idea that he had been sizing you up / guessing your weight. Men obsessing over women's weight is very unappealing.

My boyfriend keeps axes etc in his car - because he works in woodland as recreation. I'd run away fast from someone who kept them as a deterrent to burglars etc. WTF would he DO with it? Charge at them?

This man doesn't sound very nice.