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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Date offended me.

112 replies

MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 08:10

Bit of backstory: I've lost a huge amount of weight in the last year and a bit, over 4 stone since having my second child.

Fast forward to yesterday, i'm on the 5th date with this guy i like a lot. We were by a lake looking at the fish and talking about fishing. He said that the largest (some type of fish) caught was 110pound, about the same weight as me he said. This is how the conversation followed.

"wow. You know my weight?"
He did a visual appraisal/looked me up and down.
"Yeah I'd say you were about 110, 10-10 1/2 stone."
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.
"11? 11 1/2?! he continues.
"Try 9 stone." I said, actually just dropped below the past 2 mornings.
"Really? You must be light boned." He looks genuinely shocked.
"That's what the scales say, unless they're dodgy."
He genuinely made a noise of agreement?!

I'm quite upset really.. i was feeling really low in confidence and self conscious yesterday anyway. I know he probably just suffers from foot in mouth syndrome but i can't help feeling sad about his comments.

OP posts:
MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 08:32

in next i'm size 6-8

OP posts:
Udderz · 25/07/2016 08:32

He has no idea. Many men like to think/pretend they know the answer to everything. Don't take it personally, just see his random guesswork as him being a bit stupid. He probably will make similar gaffs in the future but it won't be about weight (or what ever) at all really, it will be about his need to feel knowledgeable and have the answer to everything.

Udderz · 25/07/2016 08:36

He was probably just trying to show off his vast fish knowledge and it backfired. He probably gives no thought to weight himself, so it doesn't hold the same gravity emotionally for him. He probably has no idea how shit it's made you feel.

NapQueen · 25/07/2016 08:36

You asked him to guess your weight? Yabu.

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 25/07/2016 08:39

So...he didn't know your weight, and made a poor guesstimate? Amazingly well done on the weight loss, and I get why you might be a little more sensitive but ultimately this bloke just sounds like he needs to just remove his foot from his mouth. It doesn't mean you look fat at all, people frequently shock me with what they weigh, and height/frame seems to make a huge difference. His mistake was trying to guess at all, not that he got it wrong

Udderz · 25/07/2016 08:41

You could always jokingly get revenge by underestimating the size of his car/home/willy/wage/jogging milage. Bigger is better!

CherryPicking · 25/07/2016 08:41

Seems like "guess my weight" isn't ideal first date conversational material.

And he doesn't seem very pleasant - "you must be light boned" ffs. He was in a hole and just kept on digging, didn't he? I would ditch him and move on.

Udderz · 25/07/2016 08:42

Yes and I agree it's very hard to guess anyone's weight. I'm always surprised.

mommy2ash · 25/07/2016 08:44

To begin with he obviously has no idea of weight and was throwing figures out there that don't even correlate. Then of course if you weigh 110 and are a size 6 to 8 you are tiny and need to learn to lighten up about your weight. Unless he is a major ass at other times I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it came out

StrangeLookingParasite · 25/07/2016 08:44

Seems like "guess my weight" isn't ideal first date conversational material.

It wasn't a first date.

MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 08:45

I wasn't asking him to guess my weight! When i said "You know my weight?" I was saying it in a sceptical manner, one eyebrow raised. Ie. You don't. not guess it?!

OP posts:
SweetPea79 · 25/07/2016 08:47

Why does it matter?

Does estimated weight define who you are as a person?

I don't own scales, it makes the who 'female weight' drama a non-issue in my house.

MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 08:48

Oh dear.. it had been going so well but yesterday really didn't.

Later on say he told me he had an axe in his car for potential burglars.. whilst i was in it?! Then i found out he used to work in a slaughterhouse.. then we had an incredibly awkward hour and a half watching a dvd in his bedroom with him trying to initiate contact and i was too anxious. oh well.

OP posts:
myusernamewastaken · 25/07/2016 08:49

I cant believe some people are telling the Op to ditch him and move on.....for gods sake he made a stupid ill thought out comment....who hasn't.....if Op is on her 5th date then he obviously has other redeeming qualities....forget it and move on.

MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 08:50

no i don't get hung up on weight as in the figures. It was more his manner of disbelief and then seeming to concur that i may be a total idiot who can't even measure their own weight right, rather than the numbers if you see what i mean.

OP posts:
SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 25/07/2016 08:51

Firstly, well done on weight loss! That's brilliant.

Secondly, ugh he's an arsehole for bringing up what you weigh on a date. Does he discuss weight a lot or did he just forget his manners a bit? The bit that gives me the creeps is the way you said he looked you up and down like he was appraising livestock. Icky. If it's a one off then obviously just his bad manners but it would make me a little wary personally. If he likes guessing weight, what does that mean if for some reason you gain weight in the future? Will he 'appraise' you differently? That's all that I'd worry about though as I say could just as easily have been a silly and impolite thing to say with nothing behind it at all.

I don't think you should be offended he guessed the wrong weight though. He clearly doesn't know much about it if he thinks 110lbs is 11.5 stone Hmm and anyway, I know some people who look a lot lighter than they are if they do a lot of excercise and are very toned and muscular. It's not offensive to look like you might be heavier, as it doesn't mean he thinks you look bigger necessarily.

hownottofuckup · 25/07/2016 08:52

I don't think he was meaning to be unkind, he was actually talking about the fish rather than you ifyswim.
I remember an ex bf being sooo pleased when he bought me a new Top... 3 sizes too big!! He had no idea. He's actually guessed I was a size 13 but the shop didn't have one of those Hmm

SaggyNaggy · 25/07/2016 08:52

Sounds more like you're not into this guy really?
You know you dont need a reason to stop seeing someone? Just tell them it ain't working and move on.

hownottofuckup · 25/07/2016 08:54

Just read your update, dump him!

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 25/07/2016 08:55

Oh god sorry - just saw update! Yep, I'd run for the hills.

Thefitfatty · 25/07/2016 08:56

The largest fish ever caught was over 600 lbs. This guy doesn't his weights or his fishing!! Run for the hills!

2nds · 25/07/2016 08:59

I'll bet that stupid fish wasn't 110b. Fishing bores tend to exaggerate things to impress, fuck knows why!

MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 09:00

hahaha Grin

I'm new to dating.. I did think he was nice and he was kind about me being anxious. Thinking about it he has told me that he's a blunt person and has unintentionally upset people before so i guess i basically witnessed that.

OP posts:
MySordidCakeSecret · 25/07/2016 09:01

sorry I *do think he's nice really, i havn't seen any evidence to the contrary except for this ill thought comment.

OP posts:
SaggyNaggy · 25/07/2016 09:04

Most men, speaking from experience, aren't good with weights and !measurements. Most of them think 3.5inches is 9inches.

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