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Original poster

How often do you forget to say please?

56 replies

WanderingNotLost · 23/07/2016 00:02

DP and I, at the end of a perfectly nice evening, are now going to sleep on a row. We were lying in bed listening to the radio, a song came on, I said "oh, I love this song, turn it up" to which he responded with "... please." It's not like I barked an order at him or said it in a rude way!
Last time it happened we were away for the weekend with his family, he was going up to get a drink at breakfast and I asked him if he could get me an orange juice. Exactly the same response from him, except that time it was in front of his whole family. I was so embarrassed.
I just feel really pissed off now. I forget to say please sometimes, it's hardly a bloody crime, and now he's gone and spoiled A nice evening because of it. I was happily snuggled on his chest, now I've got up and sat in the living room because it's wound me up that much I don't feel sleepy anymore.
Does anyone else do this? And it's your OH as much of a dick about it as mine??

OP posts:
FastWindow · 23/07/2016 00:12

Does he think you're 5?

Actually to be more helpful, is there a large age gap?

If there is; he is being a dick, and treating you like a child, that he must educate.

If not, he's simply a mood killing dick. 'please' indeed.

For the next month, here's your attitude:

'Sex? Oh, you didn't say please. Never mind. '

Original poster
WanderingNotLost · 23/07/2016 00:15

He's 11 months older than me- I'm 30, he's 31. But he can be frequently patronising and act like he always knows better than I do.

OP posts:
FastWindow · 23/07/2016 00:17

Any dc to speak of? His or yours?

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2016 00:20

Honest answer is never.

I don't know why, it's just 'inbuilt' I suppose (weirdly inbuilt!)

I'll also hold my hands up and admit that it does grate on me irrationally when someone asks me for something/to do something and they don't say please Blush

So I probably would have said the same as your DH. Not in an 'offended' way, but just automatically...in the way that a sneeze or a fart is automatic - it slips out before I have a chance to think about it Grin

Mind you, DH is the same and so are the kids so it doesn't tend to cause rows.

^^ That's not us being saintly or any such bollocks, it's just the (weird) way we are.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/07/2016 00:21

Honestly? Never. And I'm so used to it, that it is really noticeable if ever it's missed off.

Original poster
WanderingNotLost · 23/07/2016 00:23

Nope, neither. No kids in his family either. He is the elder of two sons which might explain his superiority complex, but his DB is only 6 MOHs younger than me. His family were pretty Hmm that he spoke to me like that, especially in front of them!

OP posts:
squoosh · 23/07/2016 00:24

Well personally I'd find it a bit stilted and formal if my partner ended every simple question and request with a 'please'? Tone of voice is far more important.

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2016 00:25

If he's frequently patronising and acts like he knows better than you, that's a completely different matter than expecting someone to use their manners.

No way could I live with a patronising twat.

lulucappuccino · 23/07/2016 00:27

I'd always say "please" and would notice if my partner didn't. Familiarity shouldn't mean that you lose respect for each other.

Original poster
WanderingNotLost · 23/07/2016 00:29

squoosh that's how I feel about it too

OP posts:
squoosh · 23/07/2016 00:30

I really don't think the OP was disrespecting her DP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/07/2016 00:32

Depends. I would say, "pass the salt gorgeous" to DH and not include a please because it's implied. DD even says "there's a dear" because I must unknowingly say it! I think if you ask affectionately and politely, there is not necessarily a need.

Also, your DH sounds like a cunt.

Porg · 23/07/2016 00:32

Very rarely to be honest. It was drummed into me as a small child and I am ultra aware with my own kids. That's why it sticks out like a sore thumb when my boss forgets Hmm

FastWindow · 23/07/2016 00:33

But you can phrase a request in such a way that 'please' is implied.

'oh, would you mind grabbing me a juice while you're there'

Seems reasonable between an established couple.

Me and dh, together 10 years: if he's in the kitchen and i cba to get up: ' Get me a juice wouldja? Orange, top shelf, cheers love'

If im in the kitchen, he never passes up the opportunity to request a cup of tea. 'stick the kettle on love, I'll make it' (that means can i make the tea)

Please? there are many ways to say please. After a while, please seems formal.

Alasalas2 · 23/07/2016 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 23/07/2016 00:35

If I was lying in the dark, resting against my partner's chest, having an intimate moment, I wouldn't necessarily feel that was a time for 'please', 'thank you' and 'I hope you mother is keeping well'.

NatureCreatesFreaks · 23/07/2016 00:37

I think if there's over use of the word please then it loses all meaning.
I am polite but I don't always have to say please to be polite. Sometimes the way you ask is just as important. Such as 'may i have' rather than 'can i have' sounds much more polite.

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2016 00:40

I think there's no right or wrong really here and I agree that tone of voice is everything.

That's not to say that always using the word please, makes for a 'formal' conversation though (again - tone of voice)

And nor is it to say that not using the word please is rude, if it's somehow implied in the tone of voice used.

I know exactly what I mean, but it's hard to put across when typing Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 23/07/2016 00:43

I agree that you can say "please" without saying the word

"Oh I love this song. Would you turn it up darling?"

Is much please-Ier than

"Turn it up!"

So without hearing your time it's hard to say.

Is there a big bavk-story op?

Original poster
WanderingNotLost · 23/07/2016 00:44

S'ok Worra, I think I know what you mean Smile

I never say it in such a way that it makes it sound like an order. He got pissed off about the please thing once when I asked him to turn a song off on the radio- it was Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross and my Dad had died a few days before. But he still made a shitty comment about it.

OP posts:
LizardBreath · 23/07/2016 00:44

I never ever forget, and I do notice if others don't say. I also would say something if there was a couple of occasions when someone didn't say it to me.

That sounds like I want a badge or something, but I massively notice that is all:)

FastWindow · 23/07/2016 00:44

I'm super polite, i can't not be. I'm all Ps and Qs to restaurant staff in fact anyone in any official capacity. That was my upbringing, and how i am.

But being told to say please in the way op described - both examples- would have me running for the hills.

FastWindow · 23/07/2016 00:47

Wandering i think you know this man is not the prize he thinks he is.

He's not only condescending, he's deeply insensitive. Im so sorry.

squoosh · 23/07/2016 00:48

it was Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross and my Dad had died a few days before. But he still made a shitty comment about it.

I'm sorry OP. Maybe he didn't recognise the song so didn't 'get' the significance?

Original poster
WanderingNotLost · 23/07/2016 00:48

I dunno, I guess a grew up in a relaxed enough environment that yes, we knew to say please if it was our Grandparents or teachers or waiters in restaurants, that kind of thing, but at home it wasn't so important. But given how his family reacted when he did it in front of them I'm guessing it's not that important to them either- certainly not enough to correct me in front of them.

OP posts: