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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a thank you gift to the teacher

83 replies

TheRandomer · 22/07/2016 15:02

I mean, they are doing their job. I don't get gifts for doing mine neither does DH. But there seems to be this pressure to conform and get the teacher yet another box of chocolates/bunch of flowers/plant etc etc that I can only imagine most go in the bin. I got DD's teacher a card that she wrote herself saying thank you, and that was all today. AIBU?

OP posts:
M0nstersinthecl0set · 22/07/2016 15:07

Card seems fine, it's good to show appreciation to a teacher. Yes, it's their job, but teachers generally are about a non family member creating a chance for a child to develop, they do mostly care and most of them do more than they are paid to - adding their own funds for gifts, rewards, nicer resources.

thebakerwithboobs · 22/07/2016 15:09

I'm a teacher. A handwritten card with lovely words in it is the best type of present so please don't worry. And on behalf of teachers everywhere, please parents...no. more. Key rings.

messystressy · 22/07/2016 15:10

If I had a teacher where I wasn't impressed by their efforts with my child, I probably wouldn't give a present. This hasn't happened yet (he is in year one, mind!).

FuzzyCustard · 22/07/2016 15:12

When did this start? When my children were small it was certainly not a thing to give presents to teachers. It seems a recent(ish) thing.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 22/07/2016 15:15

Most people doing jobs arent caring for the most important things in our lives.

It seems the done thing to tip the hairdresser, cab driver or waitress for doing their job but the amount who begrudge the same for the person that looks after their child for most of the year is insane.

Most teachers do way over their job spec, from buying items from their own money to the extra hours they do well over and above their contracted time to do all the extra things that children love or benefit from.

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 22/07/2016 15:15

I think a handwritten card is lovely! No need for gifts.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/07/2016 15:23

When did this start? When my children were small it was certainly not a thing to give presents to teachers. It seems a recent(ish) thing.

It existed when I was a child in the 70s.

NotYoda · 22/07/2016 15:26

Yes, no need

If you are thankful, then a really nice thank you is enough

FuzzyCustard · 22/07/2016 15:26

piglet, is it a regional thing then? It just didn't happen where I was 20 years ago! (Racks brains to see if I have missed the whole boat, but no, I am sure there was no gift giving at the end of term)

Mind you, I once gave my teacher my pocket money (two shillings) because I liked her!

Tiggeryoubastard · 22/07/2016 15:27

There's no need to do anything, they're doing their jobs. But if someone has gone over and above then a thank you is nice, be it by present, card, or verbally given. We have a few presents, the most heartfelt was to the caretaker, who really did go over and above.

Tiggeryoubastard · 22/07/2016 15:27

We gave, not we have.

PinkyofPie · 22/07/2016 15:28

YANBU. Is it a fairly new thing? I don't remember anything like this when I was little. It just seems to be a bit OTT for someone who gets paid to do their job

fruityb · 22/07/2016 15:32

I'm a teacher and it's very rare I get anything, secondary, but it is very much appreciated when someone thanks you in whatever way. I had a boy in my form whose mum baked cake for us at the end of every year.

Yes we are doing our jobs but it's nice to get acknowledgement that they've been done well, no matter what profession. I'm sure people get thanks everywhere - cream cakes at the office or tipping someone. It's just a nice thing to do. It's not expected at all, though I have heard primary can get competitive!

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 22/07/2016 15:33

I also see this as a new thing. I'm 42. It didn't happen either at infants, primary or secondary schools. The only time it did was when a teacher retired (and at secondary school that tended to be a whip round actually organised by us kids, not the parents, although I'm sure sometimes it was parents actually chipping in).

I have friends who have teachers and they all say they don't want this stuff, they see some parents feel really bad about the fact that other parents spend fortunes that themselves don't have (and also agree it didn't happen when they were younger).

WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 22/07/2016 15:34

I've never done it. Cards for exceptional teachers (there have been a few) but never presents.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/07/2016 15:36

I gave the teachers little presents, to try and show how appreciative and thankful we are of them, and the amazing job they are doing. my dd goes to an ASD school, staff are amazing, and so dedicated, it feels as though they not only care for your child, but you as a parent as well. With ds, his pre school has been amazing too, he has a dev delay and speech and language delay, they have brought him on so much, he is speaking more, socialising and a confident little boy, to how he first started.

ssd · 22/07/2016 15:37

I think a teacher will appreciate a card written by the child very much.

Fresta · 22/07/2016 15:41

No gift giving in the 1970s/80s here either. Not even cards.

redgoat · 22/07/2016 15:44

I'm a teacher and appreciate every thing I'm given. I don't expect anything and my 2 favourite presents this year are a hand painted mug that one of mine painted themselves and a paper bracelet made by one of my PP girls. The mug has an 'interesting' pattern and the paper bracelet was rather small (but I managed to get it on and I wore it all day yesterday sadly it had to be ripped off as I'd never have got it back over my hand) but you know what, they sat down and made something for me.

I go above and beyond (and regularly shed tears) for my classes so I do often get a few bottles of wine at the end of the year but just knowing that I'm appreciated is enough. No more though as yesterday was my last day as a teacher thanks to the combined efforts of Gove and Morgan.

Idliketobeabutterfly · 22/07/2016 15:45

We gave small presents to the nursery teacher and two TAs today but that was because they have been amazing this year. They've given him an amazing year and one TA in particular has gone above and beyond, truly an amazing woman and I wanted to say a huge Thankyou.

Msqueen33 · 22/07/2016 15:46

I do and buy for my dd's Lsa's. Teaching is a vocation. It's hard work and they're looking after our child so I like to get them something as a show of appreciation. My girls also made homemade cards. And we normally contribute to the collection so they get vouchers not hundreds of bottles of wine.

Fibonaccied · 22/07/2016 15:49

I remember giving teacher presents and I was at school from 87-98. We buy little things and cards, for the whole team in my children's education an well being, as without them they would be half the children they are. Yes they're doing their job, but it's not amazing pay, it's home working often and extra resources, and its nice to show appreciation tbh.

Gottagetmoving · 22/07/2016 15:50

It's a fairly recent trend gone mad!
I think parents do it because they think everyone else is doing it so they should too.
Surely a nice thank you card is enough? I have seen parents competing to buy the best present and some buy for the teacher, the Class assistant and the head teacher!

nokidsyetnet · 22/07/2016 15:53

It seems like something what is down to personal preference and individual experience with the teacher. I do feel like these threads always turn into belittling the efforts of teachers.
Of course they are doing their jobs and yes they are paid but I have seen countless threads about tipping movers or gardeners or whatever but showing appreciation for a teacher is some ridiculous modern show off competition.

TwigTheWonderKid · 22/07/2016 15:54

I certainly remember giving presents (usually homemade) to my teacher when I was little in the 70s-80s and my parents giving a present to the school when I left to go to high school. The teachers at my sons' primary school are truly amazing and give up so much of their own time for the benefit of the children so we always show our appreciation and gratitude with a small present.

I work in a hospital and it is very common for patients' families to give the doctors and nurses gifts of biscuits, chocolates etc when they are discharged. I think it's a very similar situation, isn't it?