To not give a thank you gift to the teacher

[TheRandomer]

I mean, they are doing their job. I don't get gifts for doing mine neither does DH. But there seems to be this pressure to conform and get the teacher yet another box of chocolates/bunch of flowers/plant etc etc that I can only imagine most go in the bin. I got DD's teacher a card that she wrote herself saying thank you, and that was all today. AIBU?

It's not necessary at all. I work in a school as a Learning Assistant and never would expect presents although I do get some as do the teachers. None of the teaching staff where I work "expect" anything and are always surprised when they get something.

When DC were at primary school I did get gifts for the first couple of years and then it petered out, especially if the teacher wasn't particularly known to me or DC weren't that fussed for them.

I gave nice bouquets to the Head, Deputy Head and Office Administrator when last DC left as my dealings with the primary school were done with.

It's all got out of hand.

I had a mini breakdown over this yesterday evening as I realised I'd completely forgotten to mark the occasion. It seems to be the done thing these days. I resolved to write a message of thanks on the school's Facebook page. I really do appreciate everything the staff at the school have done to make ds's reception year an enjoyable experience. He loves school and feels so safe and confident thanks to the lovely learning atmosphere they've created. I was mortified to have forgotten a token of appreciation.

Here it's ridiculous. Extravagant gifts from parents my wallet is bigger than your wallet style. The bet the teacher re gifts half the crap.

A card seems nice thing to do, buying the poor sucker a sodding candle, keyring or bath products omg no no no

Well I never thought I would be the type to buy gifts for teachers (I was as far removed from a 'teachers pet' as you could possible get in my school years ) but today was DDs last day of her first yr at preschool and her 'teachers' have been amazing in helping her settle, learn and really blossom all round.... Buying them a small token of our appreciation (and I'm talking a wee box of chocs presented by DD not the crown jewels) just felt natural so I went with it! I'm sure they loved it also....

writing this with serious chocolate envy and wishing I'd bought myself a box as well now

Do it if you want. Don't do it if you don't want to. I've never bothered.

Sure, it's not essential. But I like to show teachers and other staff they are appreciated as I know they all work hard. I get DC to write cards but I also get small gifts of the chocolate/wine variety. Figure consumable is best and those things are least likely to be unwelcome.

TA here. I can say I genuinely appreciate the thought that goes into the gifts I receive from the children and their parents. I love the cards, especially the sometimes unusual spelling of my really not uncommon surname. I have been very lucky to get some wonderfully thoughtful gifts, many relating to a particular 'hero' of mine as well as some inexpensive but very welcome stationery items. My all time favourite though, was the half used tube of handcream I was given. The child had nothing to give so took his mum's handcream to give me. Of course, I made him take it back so he wouldn't get in trouble. Even after he left us to go to secondary school, he would always come back at Christmas with a card and small gift and I always made sure I had a card for him. I haven't seen him for a while now, but occasionally I bump into his mum who keeps me updated with his news. This summer I had about three other children come back to see me on the last day and all of them had brought something edible with them. It turned into quite a party!

Teacher here 11-18. Have had some very thoughtful gifts and appreciate them all but most definitely do not expect them. A meaningful thank you or a card is lovely and makes the job worthwhile. I would hate it if parents felt obliged to buy gifts. I have bought lots of wine for DCs teachers this year as they were briliant (3 dcs = lots of teachers to buy for...not loads of bottles for 1 teacher )

I think it's dying out a bit actually.

In the 10 years I've been at my school I'd say gift giving has reduced from about 90% to 50%. Though some can be quite embarrassingly expensive (I got a Swarovski bracelet this year!)

That's in a school where we have both vertical and horizontal tutor groups as well as specialist subject teachers for most subjects from age 8 and some subjects from age 4. So I imagine children feel less tied to one teacher.

So I think it's equally fine to give a present, a card or nothing.

I work at an independent prep and get embarassing amounts of expensive gifts at the end of the term (we all do, I'm not trying to say I'm especially wonderful!). I certainly don't expect anything and the best things are always the hand made cards and pictures from kids.

My DS is at a state primary and his teachers/ TAs seemed to get shed loads of wine and chocs, which seems eminently sensible and useful to me.. They are bloody marvellous and deserve an extra little thank you.

I give a bunch of flowers and a hand written note. My dc teachers are amazing. It's only due to the effort of head teacher and his reception teacher that my ds made it through reception and not removed due to behavioural problems

Card is more than fine. I'm being a huge bitch here, but I hate being given stuff I don't want/isn't my taste/I won't use. Even my family know not to buy stuff I have to keep. God, I sound awful, but I like a Spartan look! Consumables if you absolutely think you have to buy something. A kid asked me today which colour wine I prefer, thoughtful of him. White would have been gifted to a mate.

Meant to say, heartfelt comments in a card mean so much more and I absolutely treasure them.

I am grateful for any gift that I am given I do not expect them which makes them even more precious.

I do take some umbridge at those that say teachers are just doing their job, maybe I should consider that with the trips out and afterschool clubs etc.

I tip my waitress, why wouldn't I spend the same amount on a box of chocolates on someone who spends almost as much time with my kids as I do!

I get choc oranges or mint chocs for DCs teachers and TAs, just want to say a small thanks and usually just costs around £5 a year.

My DCs love saying bye to their teachers with a small gift. I know it isn't automatically expected.

I don't ever remember kids in my class giving teachers a present at the end of the year, this was early 80s. At my child's school one of the mothers started up a collection for their teacher. She wanted £10 per student which amounted to over £200. Her reasoning was that when she was a teacher she got given too many bottles of wine and chocolates and didn't appreciate any of it(! ungrateful cow!) I didn't participate and my child made the teacher a card and baked cakes for the staff room. It was very much appreciated. The mother who started the collection buggered off on holiday in the last week of term and no one knows what has happened to the collection.

It was certainly done when I was a child in the 70s. Nothing expensive, sometimes homemade, but we always got them something - music teachers etc too, as well as classroom teachers.

I'm grateful for little gifts, a £5 Costa voucher would be hugely appreciated, etc, but don't expect them, either. (not a classroom teacher). It can be quite good for the children to learn how to hand over a gift, and how to receive thanks for it - some of them find it hard to do or just mumble something like 'my mum told me to give you this' or similar. And it is kind of a nice thing to mark a relationship (I see the students longer term) - they often enjoy the fact they have something for me and it can just be a nice experience and give good associations for the last lesson of each term

MrsDevere

I agree with you. Unlike other state sector jobsI think it's simply driven by the fact that parents meet up in the playground, so it's easy to do collections, plus there's a certain degree of feeling you have to keep up with the Joneses (as you say)

It was a thing when I was at school in the 80s too - my grandmother always used to bake a huge fancy cake that she'd take to the staff room for all the teachers, and I'd always take flowers for my class teacher. I my way more artistic grandma used to pick and arrange them myself so it didn't cost anything, it was just the thought that counts!

Teachers go above and beyond 'just a job' and it needs to be recognised. One of my Dsis is a primary teacher (not in UK) and she quite frequently spends her weekends testing out craft projects she plans to teach, making trays of chocolate mousse for the class whenever one has a birthday, and her school is so understaffed, with so few involved parents, that to take her class on a trip she often has to rope in the rest of our family as accompanying adults. She most definitely earns any gifts she gets!

I see the end-of-term teacher gifts as micro-payments towards an annual "bonus" which everyone (well most people) in the class contribute to.

I'm just about to get a nice annual bonus myself, and when I worked in the public sector I was occasionally successful when nominated for the annual awards for exceptional performance. I always tip in restaurants and sometimes tip in taxis and hairdressers if I am moved to. Obviously my contribution to DC's teachers salaries goes via my tax bill but my gift is my "tip" on top of that.

On a £27000pa salary an annual bonus of 5% would be £1,350. Divide that between 30 pupils and it would be £45 each. Obviously that's not an amount that a lot of people on low incomes can afford, but I can and I am happy to do so because they are doing a difficult and hugely important job really brilliantly. (I don't give it in cash though as that's not "a thing" - but that's my budget)

Teaching year 6, I do tend to come home with a bit of a chocolate and wine hoard at the end of the year. DH definitely appreciates it!

My favourite thing this year though was a handmade book of messages from my class (I clearly have a very sneaky TA ). They've written such lovely things, shared funny memories and are thankful for things that happened that I'd forgotten about. And who knew me throwing their lunch bands out whilst exclaiming, "We never throw things in the classroom!" would be more memorable than any maths or English this year!

I cried when I got home and read it properly.

This is absolutely not a new thing. I left Primary School in 1984 and definitely gave my teachers small gifts at Christmas and end of term all through primary years. My mum was a primary school teacher until the mid 90s and always came home laden down with chocolates, bath salts and other gifts at the end of term or Christmas.

I always give something to teachers as apart from immediate family they are the people who have most contact with my kids over the year. I want to say thanks for the effort and hard work so I get a bottle of Prosecco or something. I've also given boxes of chocolates or biscuits to nurses and midwives, and was in the doctors the other day when a grateful patient handed in a pot plant for the office.