To not give a thank you gift to the teacher

[TheRandomer]

I mean, they are doing their job. I don't get gifts for doing mine neither does DH. But there seems to be this pressure to conform and get the teacher yet another box of chocolates/bunch of flowers/plant etc etc that I can only imagine most go in the bin. I got DD's teacher a card that she wrote herself saying thank you, and that was all today. AIBU?

"A hand made card is the best present"

You lier, we all know yous want wine! The correct answer is always wine.

There is no expectation to buy gifts.
The reason lots of parents do is because it is a caring role. The same with nursing.

I sent my solicitor a thank you card because he actually saved me thousands of pounds with his sensible advice.

I once erpte a thank you letter to a travel company because one of their tour guides was outstanding in her knowledge of regional events. What she didn't know wasn't worth knowing.

I think staff do appreciate gifts cards and thank yous. I get lots of all 3 as I do a caring role and go over and above my basic job description.

I thought it was a bottle of vodka or whiskey.

I never remember giving anything to teachers, and I never remember other kids doing it either. It's only recently I've seen "Thank you Teacher" cards in shops accompanied by the seasonal tat. I do believe we may have created a class card at the end of the year however.

I do remember however buying a leaving gift for a teacher - a teacher who was very instrumental in helping me stay at school when I was very unwell - and I stayed in touch with her for many years afterwards.

It seems to be one of those things which are more expected these days - along with spending a certain amount on a birthday present - like keeping up appearances you can't be seen to the the parent who didn't think of buying a teacher a gift. I find that quite sad.

I haven't seen any pressure to conform at my dc's school.
Sometimes I give a gift, sometimes I don't. This year I bought restaurant vouchers for ds's PE teacher as he was absolutely outstanding. Ds's Physics teacher, on the other hand, was a waste of space who just did the minimum he could get away with so no gift from me.

I remember doing it in the 80s.

I just got them a £5 Costa voucher each, i guess they get enough 'stuff' off other people, so i try to get something they can use.

I am grateful for all the gifts I have been given, and certainly never expect anything - but I have cried buckets over home-made cards with heartfelt thanks written by the child and/or the parents. Yes we are paid to do a job but it's lovely to be appreciated.
(DH appreciates the wine )

Today was my DS' last day at the school he's attended since the age of 3. He's had a particularly tough year, for various reasons, and he wanted to give the staff who he felt supported him the most little gifts - three of which were made between us, and an orchid for the school's office staff (who, have been brilliant with him and have gone out of their way to help him).

He didn't want to give one of his two teachers a gift, however. Because, as it turns out, she has mocked and ridiculed him in class, often brings her own toddler DC into the school classroom (and, naturally, her attention is, as a mother, then more focused upon her child than the pupils she's being paid to teach), and called him a liar when he had a particularly bad migraine (apparently children don't get migraines...). I only wish he'd told me about this before our arrival home this afternoon, as I could/would have done something about it.

Now, I'm not happy about his passive aggressive "well, I'll gift one of my teachers, but not the other one", but I respected his choices (and understood them, actually) and we've worked together to provide small tokens of our joint appreciation for those who actually supported, and helped, and taught him, which we hope that they will like (the school office staff were in tears - as was I - when he handed over their gift and said that he'd wanted to gift them something that would last forever, and he's under strict instructions to go back and visit them!).

Generally, though, we don't do teachers gifts. I also don't remember my teachers ever getting gifts at the end of the school year, and I'm 40. This year, though, was different.

Never happened around our way until recent times. DS remarked that the teacher got a load of gifts today, but we didn't do anything. She's only been his teacher for a couple of months though, so not sure what we'd be thanking for whereas her predecessor he had for two years and retired so we wrote a card and so did he as she'd given him extra support and we'd met her many times.

I think it should be for those that stand out - same as any other profession or interaction with people in life. Teachers I know also complain about too much tat when what they'd really like is a few extra days off! :)

I'd love it if they had a collection for the whole school where could show appreciation for the whole school efforts. As said above, it can be the caretaker, the Head, the crossing patrol, the dinner patrol, the parent volunteer, any of them that make your child's day special, but sometimes hard to know. A collection that went towards school resources would then help the teachers and make sure they're not out of pocket when they want to buy something for the pupils for a topic or something. DS's school desperately needs up to date books. I'd have rather seen all the money spent on flowers today spent on new books as I think (perhaps incorrectly) that those would help the teachers come Sept more than a few bunches of flowers.

I'm a nurse and its very rare we get bought anything from patients - doctors as well! The NMC code of conduct states we must refuse "all but trivial gifts". And where I work, if we do get given chocolates or anything, we share it with the team as we all have contributed to the persons care. I never bought anything for the lovely midwifes who delivered my DC safely.

I think its quiet become commercial and its the expectation that I don't like. If a teacher goes the extra mile then of course I may buy a gift. I did this for DD's preschool key person who was absolutely fantastic with her (though it was only a box of chocolates!). I'm not tight, but I just think it has gone a little OTT in schools.

I went to primary school in the 80's/early 90's and there was nothing like this where I lived. Not even a card.

I spend £3/4 on teachers/teaching assistant. They have to have been excellent though. If they aren't considerate to my dc or are uncaring then nothing. Ds1 is at secondary and I got the senco as gift as she has done a brilliant job supporting him.
I wonder sometimes about my bin men getting a gift. My bin is always over flowing and we only have a two weekly collection. They came today and emptied it, but it stinks and has flies crawling over it. Lucky dh is going to sort it out! But I think they are really deserving of a gift, what to get/where to put it?

Therandomer

I agree.

I wish that schools would come out and say that it's not necessary (and not allowed in some cases). It devalues real Thanks and puts pressure on people.

i think schools saying it might reduce the "arms race"

Truly, i think teachers are thankful for gifts but are way more grateful for verbal thanks, cards, or lttle homemade things

As a midwife or nurse/ doctor you see a patient for a short period of time, you are also not the only one caring for them - teachers see the children all day every week day for a school year so I think the time spent with them & relationship built up is different.

I will add I gave thank you cards and chocolates to the ward team who cared for my daughter ( on two separate occasions).

I always ask parents not to buy things, my favourites are hand drawn cards and self written messages. My age group are 2-4, so I love seeing a name written that I helped the chip learn to write. My best this year was a letter from a parent that I will treasure, nothing else required. 😊

Spanky2

There's a commercial opportunity there, surely?

Thankyou For Emptying My Bins cards, ornate gauntlet gloves, nose-clips etc

I have tipped the Bin Men in the past

I am sure a Thanks would be gratefully received

We gave a £100 donation to the hospital after DD1 was born out of gratitude. In giving the cheque we wrote a not with the names of the team that attended the birth expressing our thanks. I believe it was put towards some medical equipment.

We tend to all go in together as a class at our school to give teachers and teaching assistants some gift vouchers. This is nice because parents don't end up competing and teachers don't end up with more bits and bobs and chocolates than they can handle.

I never give the head master anything. I like him a lot, but I feel like he is a well paid, well respected professional in our community and it feels off to me. That said, others do, and I suspect he has quite a sherry shed. It's a state school and we do give generous donations when building works are needed. No one but the headmaster or bursar would know.

Chip I haven't opened the wine yet honestly...the child that should say.

No would never buy a present for someone who's doing something that they are paid to do and chose to do as a career.

I would tip bin men at Xmas, we tip the mailman £5 (I think it has to be small or they get into trouble. If everyone gave them a fiver it would be quite a lot of money!)

The problem for us is that the bin men vary. They are contractors who come and go. And there are different bin men for paper, glass, garden waste and general rubbish! It's not the same relationship as when the same guys came every week. A twelve pack of beer with a ribbon on top of the bin was well received.

Term ended today and my kitchen table is covered in boxes of chocolates, bottles of wine and countless mugs. I don't do my job because I expect or want gifts, but the notes and cards which come from parents and their DCs I treasure forever; I have a box of cards for every year I've been working in schools (stowed away in the loft) and when I'm 80 I plan to sit and remember all the wonderful little children I've met through the years. I love them and save them all.

I buy DC's teachers and TA's Starbucks vouchers. One teacher DS1 had this year went so far beyond her role with him that I also bought her a beautiful orchid (she loves them). I'd have bought her the earth if I could have as thanks for her time and energy with him.

I started teaching in the 80's and have always been given gifts. Early in my teaching career probably a third to half the class turned up with chocolates or a mug etc. Now it is much more organised with class collections and people outdoing each other to see who can look the most generous. In the 'old days' it felt as though things were given more from the heart rather than as now because the class rep is collecting and it is 'compulsory' to give. Having said that I appreciate and am very thankful for everything I am given and the time and thought that very obviously goes into some of the presents. I love the cards with the handwritten notes . My best present ever was from a 9 year old class joker who had managed to put a coiled spring into a beautifully wrapped box that flew out at me when I opened it :)

Little kids in the USA loving the garbage men is a "thing" in the US. Like Firemen or something with a big exciting truck, but they come to your house, every week! Woo! There are loads of fan videos on youtube. I love this one:

You just hope the bosses at the municipal offices don't see and get cross that the bin men are wasting time and not being "efficient."

It's up to you OP, nobody has to buy a gift.

I wrote to my son's HT and said a massive thank you to all the staff for their skill and dedication in supporting not only my DS abut all the other students as well. DS attends a new special school and it's been their first year ...and a resounding success in my opinion.

I used to work as a midwife and still have every single thank you card and photo given to me. I absolutely treasure them, especially the ones from parents whose babies were born sleeping. That they took the time and effort in their grief to thank me for being kind is still overwhelming 10 + years later. I used to write the babies names, weights and date of birth on the cards. I love looking at them. The fist baby I delivered as a qualified midwife is now 23 ...god that's scary.

So. I need to buy gifts...a card with a thank you note goes a long way though. Just a message to say you appreciate the time and effort they have put in. I know teachers and they work above and beyond their contracted hours. The Deputy Head and two TAs give up 2-3 weekends each year at our school to accompany the Duke of Edinburgh award students on camping and walking expeditions.

So. YANBU to not buy a gift....YABU to say "why should I, it's their job".

I teach secondary so it's different but it's absolutely lively to get a card/letter/gift from a student who feels you have made a difference to them for a particular reason. One of my y11 girls went really ott this year because she felt I was the only teacher who continually pushed (read: shouted at) her and never let her get away with not doing what she had to. But it was the card that explained how she felt I'd turned her around from failing to succeeding and had motivated her that will stay with me. This is very rare in secondary teaching but when it happens it's amazing to feel so appreciated and makes it all the more worthwhile. Yes it's my job and there's no NEED for any students/parts to get me gifts. Most don't. But when a student feels I've made such a difference to their life then it's lovely to be told.
I always bought gifts for my teachers when I was at school who had made me feel confident or inspired in a specific way. I'd like to think I'd thank anyone who had had a profound affect on my life for any reason. If a teacher is that person, tell them. If not, don't!

I didn't do anything, except say a heartfelt thank you.

I told them how grateful I was and what wonderful teachers they have been. I think that is enough.