Potentially losing my neighbour a job

[facebookrecruit]

My neighbour is a right Royal pain in the arse but before I realised this I found out she is a massive attention seeker who fakes depression amongst other things (I'm not just guessing but it's a huge long story)
Any ways she advertises herself as a registered childcare provider on business cards in our local area. I've just made acquaintance with someone who is considering hiring her as a babysitter for her three DC one of which is a young baby with a health problem (neighbour has claimed she is experienced with poorly kids which is also a lie). Although I am 100% convinced she is not depressed she does take the 50mg tablets prescribed to her along with other heavy medication for 'chronic pain' another thing I also think is made up.
AIBU to tell this lady what I know before she trusts her with her kids? I don't want to sound like a bitch because I'm not keen on my neighbour but I wouldn't trust her with my much older DC never mind a baby

[PovertyPain]

I don't want to sound like a bitch bit late to worry about that. Who are you trying to persuade, that you're only doing this because worried about the kids, OP? Us or yourself? You hate her, judge her and have made sure she loses out on a job, but of course it's only because of the poor little kiddies. Ffs.

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

You really don't see spite in the OP, Judy?

[WanderingTrolley1]

Yabu.

What a nasty, spiteful OP. Concentrate on your own life!

[mylaststraw]

What's interesting, Judy, is that you assume 'everyone' is having a go. I am well aware that the OP knows her neighbour better than we do (obvious!) , what I didn't read in the post was any compelling evidence or reason as to how OP 'knows' these things about her neighbour (ie. depression and qualifications). As the post stands, it does sound rather spiteful, but I am prepared to change my opinion if OP can provide further information.

[pasturesgreen]

Gosh OP, I'm glad I'm glad I'm not your neighbour!

You sound delightful .

YABU, by the way.

[OlennasWimple]

Simple: you encourage your friend to check claimed qualifications and take up references, same as with any other CM

[BillSykesDog]

That's absolute rubbish Judy. For a start it's pretty much impossible to say whether someone's depression is 'kicking in' unless you live inside their head. It's absolutely impossible for the OP to say with any degree of reliability that the illness is faked.

Plus she also has no way of knowing for certain that she doesn't have the qualifications unless her neighbour has signed a disclosure agreement for the awarding body and the OP has checked with them and they have said she hasn't. All this knowing for sure stuff is rubbish, which makes me think that most of the rest of it is too.

The OP can find out at the click of a mouse or a simple phone call if she is qualified by seeing if she is on the local council childcare register because she won't be on there unless qualified, vetted and insured.

Actually I think that claiming to know all your neighbours health problems, qualifications, medicinal doses, what days you think they are ill, their comings and goings, spreading gossip etc, etc, etc borders on harassment.

[Longlost10]

Depression is something I've seen quite a lot of and I've never known anyone with work day selective depression

you haven't?

Depression isn't then something you've seen quite a lot of, in fact, is it.

[SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys]

If be very careful if I were you, this could backfire spectacularly.

[Thattimeofyearagain]

Christ almighty, I suffer from chronic pain due to a hip condition & of you saw me at work or out and about you'd think I was fine. Which I am as long as I take my pain relief at the right time, but if you saw me every morning / late evening struggling to use stairs/ sit and on bad days hobble around my own house you would also think I was " faking it" . In fact I'm awake now because of pain .

[Loulou2kent]

As far as I am aware, you don't need qualifications to be a babysitter. If on the other hand she is a childminder (which is a lot more involved) she would have an Ofsted grading & she should have declared any medical conditions. If she is really registered your friend should be able to find her grading online. If she's got a decent Ofsted report that's recent, then she must be very good at "faking" her job. You need a lot of evidence of your day to day stuff & keep up with training & first aid etc. Just mention to your friend to check her report first. If she doesn't have one or she cannot find a registered ofsted number for her then she may want to consider someone else with the relevant qualifications & insurance. If she isn't registered then I would suggest you gently remind her that what the lady is offering is illegal.

[Hereforthebeer]

I can answer a hypothetical question, but don't know the facts about your particular situation.

If I didn't trust someone and children were concerned, I would say what I knew (only the facts).

In your situation it doesn't come across as you know for a fact, as if you do say something you are definitely BU and legally it could be classed as defamation of character...

[trafalgargal]

If you genuinely believe she is claiming to have child care qualifications falsely you should report this to the council as she legally needs to be registered and checked by them. The rest just sounds like spite from a former friend.

[trafalgargal]

I'd also question how a child minder gets to "leave early" . I'm calling bullshit on this one.

[CatNip2]

I am currently in a situation which is making my life very difficult due to someone I know having a lot of history that I know about that others don't and it not being professional for me to make public this knowledge, so let's give the OP a break. I have learnt you have to word very carefully on here to avoid a backlash when you ask for advice.

To the OP, personally I would simply suggest that you didn't want to discuss the finer but must stress she thoroughly checks out the child carer before making any decisions. That should be enough to plant a seed of doubt.

[londonrach]

There are other reasons why some depression medication is prescribed not just depression. You are a nasty horrible person to mention anything health wise to your friend re health, medication. However advertising and not having the correct qualifiations is another matter. You cant know she doesnt have these qualifications. Is she registered as they would have checked her qualifications.

[JaneJefferson]

You ought to say something. Just stick to things your neighbour has told you or you have seen with your own eyes so you are not surmising at all. I personally would not want to leave my children with someone with depression or chronic pain.

[BalloonSlayer]

Agree that the medication/depression bit is something you shouldn't mention.

In your position you could say "Look I know she isn't as qualified as she says, not that this would matter if she was fantastic at looking after children, but I know her reasonably well and wouldn't trust her to look after my older DCs so the thought of her looking after your poorly baby worries me"

Although she could just tell neighbour what you have said and the shit would really hit the fan.

Are you feeling anxious in case anything happens to the poorly baby? If you feel you have got to say something then I suppose there's not much else you can do. You could perfect that "oh god no" face and head shake expression so if the other mum asks you, you can just deploy that and be able to say truthfully "I never said anything!"

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

I have a medical condition that causes horrendous pain, I manage this with opiates. The pain often gets me down to the point of depression.

Unless I choose to tell people, they wouldn't know, I hide it very well.

Stop being a nosey,interfering busybody and get your own life!

[JaneJefferson]

Also suggestion to check register and qualifications that others have advised is good. It is a sad if your neighbour has problems but I feel you have to say something because looking after children is such a big responsibility. A very difficult situation for you OP.

[harderandharder2breathe]

Suggest that she asks for proof of qualifications

You CANNOT know 100% that she is faking depression and chronic pain. It's impossible unless you are that person. Saying this just makes you look like a spiteful bitch

[MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting]

It would be perfectly reasonable to share your concerns about the lack of qualifications and experience that is being untruthfully claimed.

Your suspicions about the health issues are totally inappropriate to share, whether or not they are justified. You know she takes medication for depression yet you think she isn't depressed. If you knew someone who took an anti-epileptic medication and yet had never seen them have an epileptic fit, would you assume that they were faking the epilepsy or would you conclude that the medicine is working!?

[acasualobserver]

Although I am 100% convinced she is not depressed she does take the 50mg tablets prescribed to her

50mg of what? How do you know it's an anti-depressant.

[nuttymango]

If work is what is stressing people out and making them anxious they are likely to seem more depressed on work days.
YABU and you sound really awful. Your poor neighbour.

[branofthemist]

If she isn't qualified and doesn't have the experience she says, I would tell the mother of the kids.

The problem is, that by throwing all the stuff in (which isn't relevant), it's made you look like you are nasty and just botching.

You may be right about the health. But so what, that doesn't impact these children. Her qualifications and experience, does.