Potentially losing my neighbour a job

[facebookrecruit]

My neighbour is a right Royal pain in the arse but before I realised this I found out she is a massive attention seeker who fakes depression amongst other things (I'm not just guessing but it's a huge long story)
Any ways she advertises herself as a registered childcare provider on business cards in our local area. I've just made acquaintance with someone who is considering hiring her as a babysitter for her three DC one of which is a young baby with a health problem (neighbour has claimed she is experienced with poorly kids which is also a lie). Although I am 100% convinced she is not depressed she does take the 50mg tablets prescribed to her along with other heavy medication for 'chronic pain' another thing I also think is made up.
AIBU to tell this lady what I know before she trusts her with her kids? I don't want to sound like a bitch because I'm not keen on my neighbour but I wouldn't trust her with my much older DC never mind a baby

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

Surely anyone would check the local register before choosing a childminder

you would think, happens less than you'ld expect though

[ilovesooty]

I know how depression works

Yeah, sure you do.

[bumsexatthebingo]

You still haven't said how you KNOW she isn't depressed or in chronic pain or how you KNOW she doesn't have the experience she says since you say you don't see her anymore.

[facebookrecruit]

When did I say I don't see her any more? I said I'm not friends with her any more - she is still a neighbour.
Believe me if you saw how she conducts herself, how she clearly uses her ailments for personal gain and how she treats the people who do associate with her you'd understand what I mean. Just because I don't go round for a brew or socialise with her doesn't mean I don't see what's going on. That's the thing in small areas everyone knows everything. And my neighbour doesn't seem to care as long as she is getting her own way so to speak. She isn't depressed and her aches and paid a certainly aren't chronic - she's at best a hypochondriac but given the way she's used and manipulated those around her im certain it's all faked. Bottom line is I wouldn't trust her with my DC and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I stood back and watched her take care of a poorly baby when she's bullshitted her way to the job in the first place. I understand everyone thinks there is always two sides to every story and that's true but there is not always good reasoning on both sides and in this case the other side is a compulsive liar.

[bumsexatthebingo]

Because of how she conducts herself? You do realise that depressed people will conduct themselves in different ways. Feeling worse on work days is entirely normal imo if you are struggling with work. Taking your tablets in front of someone doesn't mean you're faking either. Sounds like a lot of gossip and rumours tbh.

[amarmai]

Some pps are strongly identifying with your neighbour. I am with you, op. I wd couch what I say in terms of what you wd do or not and give your reasons for it.You clearly care about the cc and shd act on behalf of them.

[facebookrecruit]

Oh ffs do you really think I WANT to be worried about this issue?? I don't and I'd rather know nothing about it but she is faking. She's an attention seeking fibber who's reputation is terrible among the locals. But the acquaintance I've made isn't local, hence her not knowing this woman.

[facebookrecruit]

Obviously depression is an invisible illness. Attention seeking and manipulation is not.

[bumsexatthebingo]

I don't particularly identify with the neighbour. The op just hasn't posted anything which would actually show that the neighbour is faking illness other than - if you were me you would just know and everyone round here knows everything. Sounds like a little village of curtain twitchers gossiping and clutching their pearls that, god forbid, someone might be claiming benefits when they're less than 24 hrs from certain death.

[facebookrecruit]

bumsexatthebingo for what it's worth she tells people she loves her job and loves the people she works with. Yet slags them off stood outside chatting to other neighbours, comes home early because she's 'not well' then buggers off out to the pub. You do the maths. Nobody likes being taken for a mug and when she's considering taking someone who would be trusting her with her precious children as a mug it certainly isn't gossip or nastiness

[facebookrecruit]

bumsexatthebingo for what it's worth she tells people she loves her job and loves the people she works with. Yet slags them off stood outside chatting to other neighbours, comes home early because she's 'not well' then buggers off out to the pub. You do the maths. Nobody likes being taken for a mug and when she's considering taking someone who would be trusting her with her precious children as a mug it certainly isn't gossip or nastiness

[SaucyJack]

You have no idea if her pain is real or not. There is no cause/effect link between physical health and how nice a person is. It's entirely possible that she is ill- and a manipulative twat who uses her illness (and anything else) for attention. Don't let your dislike of her behaviour lead you into downplaying her illness. That's not nice on your part.

But that's somewhat irrelevant to your AIBU. If you have genuine grounds to believe that she is an untrustworthy and unstable person who is not fit to care for a baby, then you WNBU to give your experience of this woman's personality to her potential client.

[facebookrecruit]

I haven't come to this opinion of her lightly, I gave her the benefit of the doubt several times before I realised she was full of shit. But it wasn't my problem or business until I became aware she was advertising herself as a childminder, even worse to people with a child who has additional needs

[Farmmummy]

I agree Facebook it's odd behaviour to leave tablets in front of people to go off and get water to take them, I understand everyone's different but would agree that just sounds attention seeking. Again I just believe go with your gut from what you say I think you are right to be worried when there's young children at stake especially one not well. If I was the parent considering using her service I personally would be greatful for a heads up

[bumsexatthebingo]

That's what it is though - an opinion. You don't KNOW anything. You have heard rumours and you have your opinion because you dislike her. If you are going to be speaking to a potential customer of hers though you need to stick to the facts or you risk landing yourself in trouble. If you are going to tell this woman that she isn't a registered cm for eg I would first look her up and check if she has registered as a cm. I would also check what care is actually being provided and whether she needs to be registered or if it is more just babysitting which wouldn't require her to be a cm.

[trafalgargal]

Or maybe the OP is just jealous that this woman is working and doesn't have time to join the OP in her daily curtain twitching and gossiping? Do you seriously have nothing better to do than clock what time your working neighbours come home from work? Perhaps you need a more constructive hobby.

[AcrossthePond55]

OK, I've given this some thought. OP, I don't think there's technically anything wrong with telling the mum things you know to be fact, as long as you are sure they ARE facts. But you'd better be able to prove what you tell her. If I'm reading your posts correctly, these are:

She's not a registered child-minder
She does not have experience with special needs children
In the past, you have known her to be unreliable

Or perhaps you should just suggest that this mum ask your neighbour for references and then check them. I certainly wouldn't have left my children with someone who wouldn't or couldn't provide references.

[amarmai]

I have informed parents of what I have seen their nannies doing with their dcc and at least one was fired. It wd be wrong to allow someone to trust their dcc to a person who is not worthy of that trust. Go with your conscience ,op. If you wd be glad to be told about this woman for the sake of your dcc , then do not have a double standard for someone else's.

[crossparsley]

It is probably impossible to lie your way into 50mg of ADs. And no-one would want to be on that dose for attention/sympathy. Please leave that aspect of why you don't like her, or don't trust her to look after children, well out of your thinking process.

We are not (10mg, 20mg, 30mg, whatever) putting it on and for those of us it works for, it works in that we function. Some of us retain thinking skills, imagination and empathy, too.

[purplefox]

If you have concerns report her to Ofsted.

[imwithspud]

I think you need to drop the whole she's faking her illness thing. I find it hard to believe that anyone would be taking 50mg of AD's if they were faking. Plus it's completely irrelevant, as is the fact that you know one other person with depression. Depression manifests in many ways and not everyone with depression will have the same symptoms. She may well be a twat, but that doesn't mean she is faking her illnesses. The two aren't mutually exclusive, It's possible to be a twat and be ill at the same time.

The key issues here are that she's not a registered childminder and that she does not have experience with children with special needs. Those are the issues you need to focus on, and talk about with your new friend. The rest of it is not relevant and the way you've talked about mental illness and chronic pain just makes you seem like a bitch (not saying you are but that's how it comes across). Sorry.

[MunchCrunch01]

I agree with amarmai op, I'd be circumspect but if I had valid doubts about someone's childcare I'd have to find a way to mention it and I think you're doing the right thing to find a way to give the hired a tip off.

[Pisssssedofff]

Having had a pschyo nanny, hell yea you should tell the mother everything.

[Elbekind]

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF-
Actually childminder's do have to be OFSTED registered, in the UK at least.
You cannot look after children in your own home for any sort of reward (money, childcare in return, gifts) for more than 2 hours per day (and even then it cannot be on a regular basis) without being OFSTED registered.
I know because I am about two weeks away from being a registered childminder:-)