Potentially losing my neighbour a job

[facebookrecruit]

My neighbour is a right Royal pain in the arse but before I realised this I found out she is a massive attention seeker who fakes depression amongst other things (I'm not just guessing but it's a huge long story)
Any ways she advertises herself as a registered childcare provider on business cards in our local area. I've just made acquaintance with someone who is considering hiring her as a babysitter for her three DC one of which is a young baby with a health problem (neighbour has claimed she is experienced with poorly kids which is also a lie). Although I am 100% convinced she is not depressed she does take the 50mg tablets prescribed to her along with other heavy medication for 'chronic pain' another thing I also think is made up.
AIBU to tell this lady what I know before she trusts her with her kids? I don't want to sound like a bitch because I'm not keen on my neighbour but I wouldn't trust her with my much older DC never mind a baby

[SaucyJack]

"You don't like your neighbour. That's ok. But that does not give you the right to make her life more difficult."

If (big if) the OP genuinely believes that there is a child protection issue here, then I would say that it is not only her right but her duty to speak out.

There's no need for the OP to go into detail or slander her neighbour, but I'd want to know personally if a prospective childminder wasn't the sort of person that those who know her well would trust with their own children.

Or as others have said, even just a lack of a good reference can be just as telling without you having to commit to anything.

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

personally would not want to leave my children with someone with depression or chronic pain

And people wonder why there is still such a stigma around mental health!

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

Surely she must have been checked out thoroughly in order to be a 'registered' childminder? Or is she just advertising herself as such? I think the assumption regarding her depression is ridiculous. I'm on 20mg of Citalopram and it really messed with my thoughts/sleep/appetite for the first few weeks. I don't think anyone would be prescribed/take 50mg of ANY anti-depressant if they didn't think they really needed it.

[MammaTJ]

I take anti depressants and strong pain killers.

To someone like you, I would appear to be fine, because I would want you to think that.

Anti depressants have side effects that nobody would choose to inflict upon themselves unless they needed to, ditto pain meds!

[NellyMelly]

Having chronic pain isn't a good thing to be experiencing when looking after young children. How can the person manage the physical demands of the job? People with chronic pain often need help to carry kids and complete child care tasks. Chronic pain is a physical problem and a mental situation in the coping with it.

[SheSparkles]

RE the antidepressant, my father takes a low dose of amitriptylene-he's not depressed, in his case it's used as a muscle relaxant to help with chronic pain

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

I agree with Ditsy. I find it unlikely that a mother would want to leave a child (esp with health issues) with a childcare provider without some sort of references (even if just positive word of mouth) and proof of qualification.

You'ld be surprised, we hired a babysitter through a childcare site, she's had other work through the site (so strangers other than finding her through the site)
We were the first parents to ask to see copies of her qualifications and DBS - she was happy to provide them, but we were the first ones she's worked for to ask.

[GabsAlot]

tell your friend you dont think shes qualified and to check out her quals

i think we need more background on the story to know why u think shes lieing about depression etc

she shouldnt be advertising that she specialises with poorly kids if it isnt true

[facebookrecruit]

Wow this has gone crazy hasn't it! Just to be clear - I am not attempting to spite my neighbour in any way - I don't associate with her any more and her attention seeking and faking illnesses to get her own way were part of that. I didn't want to be involved. I didn't however know that she was still selling herself as a child minder (her job when I met her was totally different) and due to making this new acquaintance I now know that she is. And when the lady told me about her DC - particularly her babies complicated needs alarm bells started to ring because I absolutely would not trust this woman with my children especially if one required complex care. I haven't mentioned to the acquaintance that I know my neighbour yet but living in a small place there is a high chance when she realises I am her neighbour she will ask if I know her

[facebookrecruit]

And without identifying myself I live in a small area where my neighbour is well known. If you lived here you would know why I feel the way I do - I am aware of how depression works my best friend has it and she doesn't stay in all day every day I'm not an idiot but I wouldn't want this woman caring for my kids. Even her relatives think she is making it up they've just given up on the subject.
In response to the question about medication it's a known anti depressant - the same one my friend takes.
I really wish I hadn't made acquaintance with this new friend because then I wouldn't be feeling this way but her baby has health problems FGS and my neighbour has filled her full of shit saying she is experienced in that area. I only realised who she was talking about when I saw the business card.
I will just mention the qualifications and hopefully that will be enough.
Is it ofsted she needs to be reported to for claiming she is a registered childcare provider?

[Spandexpanties]

How do you know she isn't experienced with babies with health issues?

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

Most childminders near me are registered with Ofsted.

[facebookrecruit]

The woman is a compulsive liar - the biggest reason I backed off. She doesn't even remember what lies she tells because she told me certain things then days later told MY DH the complete opposite while chatting outside - I know people think I'm being a bitch and that's fine because this is MN nobody knows me. I'll give you a vague example.
When I met her told me she used to be a live in nanny for a very wealthy family who are known here. Found out weeks later she BABYSAT for them once and they didn't ask her back.
In my opinion as a mother I wouldn't want her babysitting my DC

[Heatherplant]

Trust your instincts. I'd strongly advise your new friend to check any potential child minder is Ofsted registered and has the relevant qualifications. The attention seeking is a massive red flag for me and I wouldn't want her near my children if what you're saying is true. Nothing to do with MH and everything to do with child protection.

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

Maybe just suggest to your friend she makes sure she's Ofsted-registered? I don't know if it's ESSENTIAL for a childminder, but I would have thought it is preferred. That way, you don't have to go into any specific details.

[Newmanwannabe]

You would need to be very careful what you say about people to an "acquaintance". They could sue you for defamation of character".

[facebookrecruit]

That's what I'm going to do and hope it's enough. Child protection is definitely the issue here - I don't mix with my neighbour any more because of her strange behaviour but I don't discuss it with anyone because she doesn't affect me. I was genuinely shocked to find out she was handing out business cards - I hope she isn't offering babysitting services at her home because she's given her address out to strangers on a well known dating site!!

[Farmmummy]

I can see a lot of things here OP and it's not fair in my mind you have been judged. Fair enough you aren't keen on your neighbour but I don't see why that's a problem I've had problems with a neighbour who is bipolar and great when on meds but a complete nightmare off them and I wouldn't want her left in charge of a poorly baby. I also suffer from chronic pain conditions and there are times where I do need help from DH or family to look after or entertain my kids when my pain is too bad so if she was genuine that would be a concern to raise with potential clients (and if she's faking what a bitch!) so to me you wouldn't be unreasonable especially when one is poorly. I also have a close friend with chronic pain and depression who also accepts help when needed so again would be a concern for childminding. As for not having the correct qualifications it wouldn't matter if you loved or hated the neighbour your acquaintance has a right to know, if something happens when those children are being minded you would feel partly responsible

[facebookrecruit]

Thank you farmmummy
I do not have a personal vendetta I just backed off when I realised how strange she was. Unfortunately I saw a lot of her behaviour and was
She likes to take her medication in front of people - think putting the box down in front of you then going for a glass of water - and then will act like she doesn't want people to know she takes it. It's very odd and I'd hoped that I wouldn't have to deal with her issues again.

[OlennasWimple]

There are some circumstances where CMs don't need to be Ofsted registered, but most do and your neighbour would in order to look after your friend's DC. All registered CM are listed on the Ofsted website (in an anonymised way), so easy to check with her registration number

[ExConstance]

Contact Ofsted with your concerns, they will check them out.

[facebookrecruit]

I've just checked she isn't listed in our area as ofsted registered

[LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF]

Hmmm. Well, personally, even without knowing what you have shared, I wouldn't employ her. While it's not essential, most childminders WANT an Ofsted registration because it is better for business. Inform your friend of this without going into other details.

[queenMab99]

Surely anyone would check the local register before choosing a childminder, and if she is registered the L.A. will have checked her qualifications, so OP would not need to go into detail but just reiterate the essentials, check register and ask for references.

[MunchCrunch01]

if I had a child with extra needs, I'd be super-super careful who I took on.