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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find friend totally unreasonable?

115 replies

squashandsqueeze123 · 18/07/2016 21:10

I have just found out that I am expecting a baby girl. Prior to finding out, I have had several friends suggest names for both sexes and my closest friend mentioned a girl's name which I love (and, surprisingly, so does my DH) however when I told friend that it was a great suggestion, she asked me not to use it as it is the only girl's name that she likes and that it hadn't been a suggestion but just her telling me it was a name she likes. I didn't respond to this at the time as DH and I didn't know the sex and minds can change. However, since finding out the sex, we still love the name and when I mentioned this to friend, recently, she got quite upset and said that we can't use the name because, as she'd already said, it's the only girl's name she likes. I was really taken aback and quickly changed the subject (I had no idea what to say!) but I'm feeling like my friend is being really unreasonable as she isn't pregnant, isn't trying to get pregnant (to my knowledge) and could end up with all boys even when she does! AIBU? If not, any ideas how to address it?

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 18/07/2016 23:56

She was telling you she liked the name, I would take take that to mean she wants to use it, rather than suggesting for you to use it.

fukkigucci · 18/07/2016 23:59

My 8 year old has a lovely name. My best friend always loved it. When she was pregs and thinking of names I told her that I wouldn't mind if she used dd's name. So she did! And I love that we both have girls with the same names! I call them Big and Little _

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 19/07/2016 00:01

Well she should have kept it to herself then. I've heard this happening with other people.

Bogeyface · 19/07/2016 00:05

Not RTFT but my initial reaction is that no, no one owns a name. However, if your friendship means a lot to you then it would be a good idea to find another name. No she may never use it, but the fact that you did will sour things and it may lose you this friend.

Not worth it when there are so many other lovely names out there.

GabsAlot · 19/07/2016 00:16

did i just read i wouldnt betray someone like that?

they dont bloody own a name!

Upallnight9 · 19/07/2016 00:17

I wouldn't use it.

Being an older mum I was the last to have kids in our circle of friends and there were loads of names I like that where already used. I just found another one.

If her text said "I like the name xxxx" I was assume it's one she'd like to use.

There must be other names.

whatamockerywemake · 19/07/2016 00:30

Ouch! I do get why this hurts.

I think the brilliantly named shaggedthruahedgebackwards said it well back on page 2 or 3...
She is probably wishing she had kept her mouth shut and not shared the name with you I imagine

When I was 17, I shared with the boy I lost my virginity to that if I ever had a girl, I wanted to name her after my maternal grandma (and the most popular and beautiful girl in my class - i wanted some of it to rub off!). By the time I conceived (at the ripe old age of 30) my older cousin on my dad's side had had a baby and called her (let's call it, it isn't this) Emma. FINALLY, I had a dd and called her after my grandmother and the popular girl in my class, let's say "Emily".

My cousin wasn't bothered, but my grandmother on dad's side was.

Your friend, even if she conceives this very night, will have a baby at least one school year different from yours. You asked opinions and she was possibly wrong to have given hers, but she did, and if she regrets it, then that is her bad. Choose the name you want and love it forever!

(but I get why you won't!)

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 19/07/2016 00:37

If it's not that unusual, and you love it so much I don't understand why you hadn't thought of it.

PerspicaciaTick · 19/07/2016 00:39

This is exactly why, in the 15 years between choosing DD's name and DD finally arriving, I never once so much as breathed to a soul what my chosen name was.

EverySongbirdSays · 19/07/2016 00:43

I don't know when this insistence for "only my child can have this yoonique name because I said so" happened - it's part of the Snowflake mentality I think. I have 2 first cousins the sons of sisters with the same first name. No-one was arsed or found it remarkable and my Aunt didn't cry over her sister robbing her name

EverySongbirdSays · 19/07/2016 00:47

I also have two sets of cousins - different Mums, were one has an Irish name and the other it's English translation

PerspicaciaTick · 19/07/2016 00:49

I quite like unusual names. Vast tracts of my family tree are populated with generations of Marys and Henrys. Makes it very tricky to keep them all straight in my head.

LellyMcKelly · 19/07/2016 00:51

Why can't both kids have the same name? There's nothing to preclude her calling her potential future daughter the same name. It's not exclusive, unless it's a made up name. You need to have a chat with her about it though.

rollonthesummer · 19/07/2016 07:11

When I was 17, I shared with the boy I lost my virginity to that if I ever had a girl, I wanted to name her after my maternal grandma

?!

Did you share it with your cousin though?

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 19/07/2016 07:25

My best friend used the name I had picked out if I had a boy (I was 4 months pregnant with ds when her ds was born). The difference is I'd never told anyone (except dh who'd agreed). I had a really strong feeling about the name, but felt nothing but delight when she told me. Her ds suits the name and I love my ds' name.
All that said, I wouldn't risk losing or upsetting a friend who had asked me not to use a name, unless I wasn't bothered about the friendship. My best friend and I have been friends for 18yrs, we share all kinds of unreasonable-ness and accept each others' foibles.

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