To not let DP take away DS?

[Elephants25]

I have returned to work, I didn't have full maternity leave, as DP is a SAHD, so I needed to go back sooner.

I obviously provide our income.

DS is 10 months old.

DP wants to take him to Spain, as he hasn't been away before, I said that we should wait until next year, when we have more money, as I can't take time off as I've just gone back. He wants to take him on his own, as I can't go. The thing is, the money he will use is the money I have worked for, yes, I know that it becomes shared when you are a family, but it's still a bit hurtful, when I cannot go.

AIBU to say he can't?

"he used to work in a hotel"

When did he work in a hotel, Elephants? Until the baby was born? Or have you been subsidising his lifestyle a lot longer than that?

And why did you and he both think that it was okay for him to give up work entirely (if your mum has your baby three days a week, your partner could have gone part-time), when ... as a family ... you still need the income?

Sounds like he has been spoilt

I didn't think it would be a good idea, I originally said that I'd go part-time and then when I'm at work, my mum could look after him. He said that was unfair as I get maternity leave. He then handed his notice in. I was pissed off for months. I got over it when DS came.

He stopped working when I was 20 weeks, we used my savings.

Well, you have far bigger problems than the holiday.

You dp is a selfish shambles of a human being. How have you managed not to tell him to fuck off before now?

"He then handed his notice in." Without mutual agreement, or compromise? Perhaps you could both have gone part-time? If you had both worked (guessing) 3 days a week and your mum had had baby 1 or 2 days a week, perhaps you could have ended up with the same overall family income, got to spent the same amount of time with your baby, and had the same amount of 'me' time.

He took the right (to reach a compromise) away from you.

"He stopped working when I was 20 weeks, we used my savings."

Why are you with this man, Elephant? Your needs aren't even on his radar.

He stopped working when you were 20 weeks pregnant?

He's a lazy, mean, self-serving cocklodger with a sense of entitlement a mile wide. Get rid. That way, you can still work, your mum can have the baby while you do, he might actually have to do a days work and clean his own place.

How do you look at him?

Ugh it gets worse, he sounds like an immature, self centred, sponging arse.
You may not feel like tackling it now, but it will have to be done at some point, time to think and plan OP, what do you want? can you/do you want to work things out? what are your options?
I assume he has (had) some redeeming qualities?

elephant real loving partners and fathers do not behave like this. Bloody hell. What a user. He should be ashamed of his self and so should his mother. If my son behaved like this he would get a kick up the arse!

To be honest, when my dad passed away, he really was amazing and I know he feels like I owe him one for how amazing he was, so I suppose we are quite even with it.

op I'd take small steps.

If he wants to go on holiday - his mummy can pay. Do not give this man any money for a holiday.

op you really have set the bar low for yourself.

My Dh supported me when my DGF (he raised me) died. He also managed to build a buisness whilst doing it. He should do it because he loves you - not for payment of an easy ride

has they baby got a passport yet? if not dont apply for one then he cant go away

Elephants when my MIL died I went to the hospital with the family, helped cater the funeral and supported everyone through the funeral as well. Me and my ex were divorcing at the time. I owed him nothing and he owes me nothing for doing it. Because decent people support people through loss. And expect NOTHING in return.

He is treating you terribly.

Op he might be a nice guy but your doing him no favours treating him like a little boy like his mother does.

Your son is going to grow up watching his dad leeching of the women in his life.

I am sorry for your loss
Nope not even close to even, I have supported my DH through the loss of both his parents, both financially and emotionally, he owes me nothing, I did it as I love him and he was hurting, not for any reward or payback.

This is the first thread in a long time where I've gasped aloud at what you've written.

He's a SAHD but your mum has him more than he does?

You do the cooking and cleaning?

He's a cocklodger, OP. In fact, he's a classic cocklodger. A kind of template for other cocklodgers. He should be put on a platform in university lecture theatres so people can study him.

Why on EARTH did you give up the idea of working part-time and let him stop work altogether?

And why on EARTH does he think that because you were on maternity leave, he should have it too?

Nice as he may have been when your dad died (and I'm very, very sorry about that) it didn't involve him actually DOING anything, did it?

im still confused, you say your sister started this thread but its about you as your replying
maybe your sister could be rhino24

No, I started the thread, my sister was the one saying she didn't start the thread. I'm sorry for the confusion, she is logged out now

So is your sister the one earning mega bucks and asking about private school?

oh ok
well back to the thread i agree with everyone else, its time he started pulling his weight or tell him to jog on

Well, that's obviously not me, is it?

So what does your sister think Elephant?

About all this I mean!

at this.

YANBU at all! Just from your op I thought that - I'm a sahm and would never think to suggest a holiday abroad without dh, how mean! (Different I know if you had bags of money but no time or whatever but still think it's unfair to swan off abroad unless you wanted them to as well.)

But with this other info
Please op, he is horrible, a total shithead. He doesn't do much childcare or house stuff AND has three days off a week?! Truly barmy.

Are you happy? Do you love him? Do you feel he respects you? Loves you?

Sending and

Well this thread has changed since I last checked.

When op said he was a sahd, I assumed he was actually a sahd. Not a dick wad.

This jumped out at me when my dad passed away, he really was amazing and I know he feels like I owe him one for how amazing he was, so I suppose we are quite even with it.

My grandad has just passed away in quite awful circumstances. Dh ran me too and from the hospital, took over all the childcare while I camped at the hospital waiting for him to pass, made food for the wake (we are Irish) and the funeral. All while helping mum with the legal side, while I provided emotional support for mum, cousins and aunties. He picked people up from the airport and drove them about for the funeral.

I said thank you (obviously) but I certainly Don't owe him one. And he wouldn't think I owe him one either. That's what you do when your partner loses a loved one.

It's so sad that this is why your marriage is like. I think you need to leave before he can claim he was a long term sahm and get primary residence. I don't often say ltb, but you really should.