To not let DP take away DS?

[Elephants25]

I have returned to work, I didn't have full maternity leave, as DP is a SAHD, so I needed to go back sooner.

I obviously provide our income.

DS is 10 months old.

DP wants to take him to Spain, as he hasn't been away before, I said that we should wait until next year, when we have more money, as I can't take time off as I've just gone back. He wants to take him on his own, as I can't go. The thing is, the money he will use is the money I have worked for, yes, I know that it becomes shared when you are a family, but it's still a bit hurtful, when I cannot go.

AIBU to say he can't?

What does your dp do when ds is at your mum's?

I could think of nothing worse than taking a 10 month old on holiday by myself. Dp and I went on holiday when dd was a similar age. It was exhausting being in a non child proofed place as we had to be one step behind her constantly. She was very unsettled due to the new surroundings.

Sorry, my previous reply was based on thinking your DP did the bulk of the child care. Looking after your DS 2 days a week doesn't really make him a SAHD. A stay at home parent looks after the child instead of working outside the home but he's not doing either for most of the working week! Why does your DS need to go to your mum's for 3 days a week when your DP is available? What is he doing during that time, especially if he's not helping with the housework? He could get a part-time job in that time! Sounds like he might be taking the Mickey. There's a bigger issue here than the holiday.

He goes to the gym/plays football/has 'me' time...

2 days a week does not make a sahd. He sounds like a twat.

This holiday just sounds like the last on a list of piss taking by your DH, from your updates OP.
Father and son having a break together, fine when older and they can do fun boy stuff together, not when a baby still though, and definitely not when there is no family holiday!
As others have said 2 days a week is not a SAHD especially when not pulling his weight in the home by the sounds of it, why does he not work part time at least? or help out more? has this been discussed?

He isn't a SAHD for two days a week.

Why can't he get a part time HB for those three days your ds is at your mums?

Tell him to jog on!

Job*

Yanbu. Holiday without you? While you're at work? No chance.

And I actually don't think your even being unreasonable to resent paying for him to go on holiday while you work. Who wouldn't? Say you'll go together at Easter. Cheeky bugger.

He does the food shopping/takes DS swimming on the 2 days he has him... He says that's enough and tbh, it's such a battle, which I don't have the energy to have.

When do you get me time? Doesn't sound like an equal relationship to me.

He sounds useless. Hope you and DS can have a nice holiday soon without DP

You're being taken for a mug. When are your 3 days of 'me time'?

So you're supporting him working PT but also doing the bulk of the domestic tasks? You have bigger issues than this holiday...

You are being taken for a mug, he's a cocklodger.
You work your butt off full time while he ponces about having "me" time and your Mum picks up the slack. He'd never cope 24/7 with your baby while in a hotel abroad anyway he doesn't know how by the sound of it.
You could do food shop online with tesco and take your Ds to swim at the weekend, no need to have him home. He may as well find himself a job.

What kind of accommodation did he have in mind for the holiday? One with an extensive late hours kids club I bet.

Your bloke has got the cheek of ten arses!!

No way would Dh or I suggest that.

It's understandable that you feel you don't have the energy to address this because you are doing the majority of the work both in and out of the home. I know it's easy for me as an outsider to say you deserve better and should tell him to shape up or ship out and it's difficult for you to see a way out of this situation because you are stuck in the middle of it but at least consider your options.

He goes to the gym/plays football/has 'me' time...

[shocked]

Comment fail

I get you don't have the energy right now, but you will grow more and more resentful (well I would) please don't let it go on so long you are completely ground down and a boiling pot of resentment OP. (you may already be but I hope not)

What did your partner do before he became a SAHD?

I am presuming that he has only recently become a SAHD as your baby is only 10 months old and you have only recently returned to work following maternity leave. Yes? So presumably he earned his own living up until that point. Yes?

Can he not continue in that role the three days a week that your mother minds the baby?

If your dh wants to have a holiday without you, he needs to start working on those three days a week he has to himself in order to pay for it. And also to pay his gym fees!

I pay his gym fees which I said I was going to stop, so he would help out more, but then his mum starts paying for it instead he used to work in a hotel

I appear to be in a minority of one, as if dh had wanted to take ds abroad, or indeed anywhere, for a week leaving me to have some peaceful time going to work and having evenings alone in the house at 10 months, I would have bitten his hand off.

Further info suggests he's got a rather cushy life, but if he's prepared to do this I would say fine. I would question why Spain, as I was permanently paranoid about sunburn/heatstroke at this age, and would suggest Dorset, but if you trust him to look after the baby fairly well, GREAT.

Looking back, I would not have completely trusted dh with ds at that time, for this length of time. But if he does do two full days a week, why not?

Tell him to get a job or move out. Having a lazy git as a father who lives off other people's hardwork is no role model for your DS