To not let DP take away DS?

[Elephants25]

I have returned to work, I didn't have full maternity leave, as DP is a SAHD, so I needed to go back sooner.

I obviously provide our income.

DS is 10 months old.

DP wants to take him to Spain, as he hasn't been away before, I said that we should wait until next year, when we have more money, as I can't take time off as I've just gone back. He wants to take him on his own, as I can't go. The thing is, the money he will use is the money I have worked for, yes, I know that it becomes shared when you are a family, but it's still a bit hurtful, when I cannot go.

AIBU to say he can't?

On the reverse of this, DS and I went away last October just the two of us without DH to Gran Canaria - it was lovely (DH was working and couldn't get the time off). I paid for it. DH however did go on two stags abroad in the summer

Being a SAHP parent can be quite sapping

Two users one account however - not kn fence about that. That needs sorting.

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Leaving aside OP's actual point ... why on earth would you (anyone) want to take a 10 month old away to Spain, in the summer, on your own?

On the list of "things I'd choose not to do", this ranks pretty highly.

Do you have family in Spain or would this be pure holiday just the two of them?

FWIW I wouldn't have wanted our son's first holiday to be without his Dad although don't you have holiday to take later in the year ......so why can't you all go?

Tell him, as you can only afford one holiday a year, that it will be a family holiday, this holiday is just for him as a 10 month old would be happy in a paddling pool at home where it's not so hot (although not this week!)
No!No!No! It's not on, I never went on holiday without my husband, I wouldn't have a good time knowing that he is at work and I'm on the beach!!
It's not fair, it's not right, it's not his right either.
Be strong, say no!

PS visit the coast on the weekend xx

Precisely redsky A 10month old wouldn't know if they were in Blackpool or the French Riviera!

Is it that he wants him to meet family over there?

If not and it's just a random holiday, surely he'd be better off waiting for you so that he doesn't have to take care of the dc 24/7?

Holiday with kids can be stressful anyway, so why put yourself through it if the child isn't even aware?

No family in Spain, it's just somewhere that we visit if we go on holiday.

We don't share the account, she wanted to use it for a bit, that was all.

I'm assuming when you said not been on holiday before you meant your DS and I'm lost as to why DP would even suggest the 2 of them going away and leaving you at home especially when it's the first experiences of so many things. I also second the points made about it being hard work for your DP to take him alone and how much of an holiday would it actually be on that basis. Which also makes it a waste of money especially when you don't have loads.

Definitely hold off until the 3 of you can go, or try and get a short break at the seaside in this country.

Definitely think its unreasonable for your first holiday. The three of us had already been away that year and DS was 6. So very different. Like others have said could you not propose that they wait until you can go and enjoy your first holiday as a family together.

I would normt be happy for my DP to take our son on holiday alone without me, unless it was to visit family. I just got back from 2 weeks visiting my dad abroad. My dad paid for me and DS to go, DP could not get time off work.

Not* be happy

When I was on mat leave with DS1, I would never have considered going on holiday without DH if we could not afford the time or money for a family holiday.

Maybe you could suggest a weekend break that you can all go to without you taking much time off?

I do understand why you are upset. It was insensitive of your DH not to include you. But I wouldn't approach this from the angle that you earn the money. That would just make him defensive and not lead to a productive discussion. Anyway, if you both agreed he should stay at home surely it's a team effort? You might not have had as much earning potential without him providing child care. I'd focus on the fact that you don't want to miss out on your DS's first holiday so it should be scheduled when you can get time off, which is perfectly reasonable. Maybe as a compromise you could have a weekend away in the UK together in the meantime.

My view would be

there is not really enough money for the trip

one person gets no holiday (happens to be one earning the money)
they would like to be included

so from a conflict point of view everyone wants a break, one person wants to go to Spain (Baby doesn't get a say).

I think there probably is room for a compromise - could you say take one day from work to do a long weekend say on the coast somewhere, and start a saving fund for next year that involved SAHP in terms of helping to budget to allow that money to go in holiday fund.

*DP sorry

He's daft to want to take a 10 month old to Spain. It'll be a lot of hassle, he won't have a proper holiday and the baby won't get any benefit from it.

The whole idea is ridiculous. Baby would be v hot and need to be in the shade all the time, it's expensive cuz it's school holidays, and it's mean as it would be your first holiday as a family.
Why didn't he suggest going when you were on maternity leave, or go for a week in late September when it's half the price and more comfortable weather-wise.

To be fair though, DS goes to my mum's 3 days a week, when I'm at work, plus I have to do the cleaning and dinner when I get home, but that's a whole different thread. So I suppose I am a bit more defensive about the idea that I'm the one who goes off to work.

Yes, I'll try and find someone more local that could be for the weekend, that's a great idea

So he minds his own child 2 days a week. That's not a sahd?
Sounds like you need a break more than him.

So your DM is the SAH parent effectively. And you do the cooking and cleaning.

Please tell me he at least works on those two days! He's sounding increasingly like a cocklodger...

At least the holiday would give your mum a break!

Sounds like a bigger issue than a holiday.