To get boot camp on my children. Enough is enough.

[fruitstick]

I'm tired of being treated like a doormat by my children.

I trying to make them happy but actually I'm just making them spoilt and entitled.

I have 2 DC aged 10 & 7. They argue with me about everything. If I ask them to do something they whinge and complain and refuse.

They are constantly moaning that something isn't good enough, they don't like dinner, I've bought the wrong something or other.

They both sulk if they don't get their own way.

I can't live like this anymore. They are making me utterly miserable.

They rarely do anything kind for me.

I want a happy home where everyone helps eachother and we have a lovely time. How on earth do I achieve it.

I need some help. DH says I need to be firmer with them and not let them get away with it. I've also pointed out that he needs to lead by example!

So firstly, what would you reasonably expect a 7 & 10 year old to do around the house without complaint or feeling like a workhouse.

If you don't thank your children or partner for doing things, I'm not sure you can reasonable expect thanks, verbal or other feelings of gratitude, in return.

Apart from anything else, you're modelling basic good manners.

That way martyrdom lies.

You sound like you are giving yourself a hard time, and anxiety really doesn't help, does it? You sound like you have completely lost your confidence in yourself

I second talking therapy. It really helped me when my anxiety was overwhelming, and has helped my mind become stronger and more resilient.

Can you talk to your DH about how your business is going to struggle if you continue to have less support at home?

Perhaps one weekend refuse to do anything you usually do, then act surprised when everyone asks, "where's lunch" etc.

My ds2 is 10 and argues about his responsibilities. But a swift threaten of removal,of all gadgets soon works.

It's going well so far (sort of ).

Last night DS2 refused to eat his dinner because he didn't like it. He has 2 pieces of garlic bread and a small yoghurt (but no ice cream).

Had another discussion with DS1 about having to listen when we issue instructions and not need an explanation/justification.

Last night he and I were having a water pistol fight, he then went for DH who was sitting down and told him to stop. He didn't and nearly got keys and phone. We explained that we didn't have time to lay out reasons for everything we say.

This morning DS1 was incredibly rude and stroppy about a simple task I asked him to do. He has lost iPad and PC access for the day.

I've decided I'm going to concentrate on the respect first (I can't remember who suggested this) and ramp up the chores gradually.

They already clear the table, make their bed etc. They just need to do it without moaning!

Thank you all. I feel like I have a lot more clarity around it all.

Glad you are feeling a bit happier. The respect thing makes total sense, and when it works both ways it gives you lots of opportunities for positive reinforcement too.

The eating is not important in my book. Acting respectfully and politely at the table is more important (appreciate it does depend on the child - mine are not stick thin despite one who regularly left whole meals untouched, so I have no worries they'll waste away.)

'how to talk so kids will listen..and listen...' is a fab book for this scenario. Some joint rules and consequence setting with the children might work wellxx

Thank you for starting this thread fruitstick

My DC are the same age as yours and I often feel the same way as you. This thread has made me realise how much I let them get away with.

Great advice on here & watching with interest.

Any update Fruitstick

pickitup blimey, I feel like a terrible mother, who has gone seriously wrong somewhere! My son is 14 now and he does help with cleaning, lawn mowing, putting his own clothes into the laundry basket BUT we pay him a small amount of money for cleaning and lawn mowing. Tidying his own room, taking dishes to the sink after dinner etc is not paid. It's sort of an unspoken rule but I have to remind him to do it. He does whine sometimes but generally backchat is not something we tend to tolerate for long.

When he was younger, like the OP's children, we didn't expect quite as much. Tidying his room, putting dirty clothes into the laundry basket and taking dishes to the sink after dinner were just about the only things we expected. We were obviously too relaxed. You'll need to give us all some tips and tricks as to how to get kids to do more :)

Forgot to add that being picky with food is, unfortunately, still something we struggle with although I have now gotten to the stage where I started saying to my son that if he doesn't want to eat what I prepared, he will have to just make his own sandwich or cook his own thing. I am not sure whether that would work with younger children as it's a recent development in my own family.

I when my DS was 7 and got fed up of his general attitude he was warned and then I took a mummy day which involved not going out. Not playing kids games, I picked what went on tv obviously age approriate, soaked in the bath..Obviously he was fed, wasn;t ignored I simply did nothing except feed him..We chatted about how it felt at bedtime.

I am also very big on building memories ( hangup from childhood) son knows this really..So a couple of weeks ago I had told him how little he does
Make bed ( pull quilt up)
recycling and rubbish to bin
feed pet
sort out underwear and put his away, mine on bed..

Rarely anything else

If he is asked it was a proper Kevin moan...I told him I was sick of it and cancelled an activity ..Part of me found it really hard but he was gutted and had made things much better.

I find removing stuff from him pointless.

If he complains about his meal.. I tell him I don't want to hear it... He can tell me its not his favourite..( I do know things he won't eat)

Another thing to do is sit down together and plan rules together..

Really struggling with my 14 yr old son
He just doesn’t listen and lies constantly
He came out as gay a few years ago which we support
He is currently on punishment, no phone has extra chores etc but nothing seems to work
I hide all devices in my room of an evening but he gets whilst I’m asleep, my clothes to and post madness on Instagram which he knows he is banned from
I am forever at the school as he wears false eyelashes and a full face of makeup
He definitely does not leave the house that way
And I have destroyed all of it tbh
The lies are shocking
He has counciling at school and another form of support to
If I told you the half of it I’d be here all day typing really don’t know what to do anymore