Or is my neighbour being ridiculous?!

[Lilianna123]

Always got on really well with our neighbours. They are very different to us but this has never been an issue. Have keys to eachothers houses for when we are away etc.

Woke up this morning to find a note through the letterbox from them, they are saying that our cat 'torments' and 'teases' their dog, by sitting our side of the fence and looking into their garden. They have also accused our cat of eating their hazelnuts off their trees. Now this could be our cat, but could more than likely be the squirrels we tend to have visit?!

Anyway, they are requesting we now try to keep our cat as an indoor cat, as it's not 'fair' on their dog and want us to replace their hazlenut trees next year. Am I being a unreasonable or are they just being completely bonkers?!

My youngest cat is currently in the garden having a face off with the local tabby that lives 2 doors down. I would never dream of going round there and asking them to keep their cat in, it's nature (plus my cat looks like she could have her in a fight )

And whilst typing, relationships have improved and they've gone their separate ways

Leaving aside the mad idea that your cat is de shelling hazelnuts, if an animal eats something found on the ground, is that 'stealing'? Love the idea of a cat looking through the fence pulling faces at the dog and going ' nyah nah nah nah nah.'

Put the cat in a burka?

I'm with the PPs who want to know how the cat is getting the shells off or how the neighbours think the cat is getting the shells off.

I also want to know what the real issue is, as it clearly isn't this .

A cat can look at a King.........

My neighbours cat sits on my shed roof when the sunshine at every chance he gets. My dog goes bat-shit bonkers...and the cat doesn't give a monkeys. Its what they do.

I don't think my dog understands ''Don't bark at Poppy'' any more than Poppy understands ''Don't wind the dog up please'' So I wont waste my breath.

Meanwhile, my doorbell has ceased working so I assume ,although never known before, that Poppy cat has stolen the batteries whilst I wasn't looking. Next door can replace them then.

I think your only problem with nuts is your neighbour

Good luck!

I would respond by saying it's unlikely to be my cat as she/he has a nut allergy and also suffers from claustrophobia.

Funny as this is if the husband is only in his fifties and "just retired" whatever they claim otherwise it's very possible this was forced early retirement/redundancy and this letter is more about either trying to have authority over something when he has lost it in other realms of his life, boredom or paranoia so I think you are wise to try and sort this out amicably rather than just tell them it's a batshit letter (which of course it is).

The family cat we got when I was 16 used to taunt next door's terriers. He'd go further than taunting though and attacked then a few times. Only once did they manage to hurt him- he used to claw their faces a lot. He was mad. He'd attack anything. No vet ever believed on meeting him for the first time that he'd been neutered and world also insist on checking. But he was also lovely, to a select few people. He was 17 when he was pts a few years ago and I still really miss him being there when I visit my parents, the crazy little thing.
Anyway. Your neighbours are daft op. Daft.

I've kept cats for 40 years and various cats will eat quite strange things, but nuts???

True, my cat used to bring home chapatis but never nuts

*would always, not world also

How would the cat eating the hazelnuts kill the tree?

Has your cat got really toxic breath, or something?

As someone who also has nuts (sorry) neighbours - I feel your pain. Now ignore them. But change your locks.

Re. the cats and strange foods - my old cat (who lived to 21) was very keen on curries and chillis.

I suspect your cat is lying to you, OP. I have photographic evidence that she is in cahoots with the squirrels.

Pen them a nice reply, something along the lines of:

Thanks for your note. I was a little worried at first until I realised it must be a spoof. Sorry for thinking you'd be crazy enough to actually mean what you wrote.

Anyway, in the spirit of your note I thought I'd pen you one in reply:

Those curtains in your lounge really lower the tone of the whole street. Can you please change them to [insert colour of your choice] ones?

You could post them a calendar with the 1st of April circled and a note telling them that's when April Fools Day is.

Bonus points if it's a cat calendar.

This is so funny. I almost wish this batshit couple were my neighbours just for the comedy value.

Does your cat have a nutcracker?

Cats eat hazelnuts??!! Nah. They're madder than a bumfull of smarties. Yanbu.

They are clearly bonkers. I am looking forward to your update once you have spoken to them.

I'm still laughing at the thought of your cat "tormenting" their dog just by looking at it. I'm imagining the cat sticking her tongue out & raising her middle claw when no-one's looking .

There is a cat around here who actually does attack dogs - and children in pushchairs! Jumps off hedges, fences etc. and lands on the dogs' back/child's lap with claws out and then bites her 'victim'. That I would call terrorising! Not looking snootily through a fence .