To ask what makes being a parent so hard?

[PhoebeGeebee]

I'm pregnant (yay!) just had three month scan and are starting to tell people.

We've had lots of lovely comments but also a lot of 'it's the hardest but the best thing you'll ever do'. These conversations are just in passing so I don't feel I can ask them to explain what they mean.

So what is it about having a baby that makes it so hard? I understand sleep deprivation and crying and the terrible twos etc.... But I kinda want to know the specifics!

AIBU to ask??

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

And then, one day, they pass their driving test.

And you watch them driving away until they're out of sight, feeling proud of their confidence and maturity.

And then the tears stream down your face as you imagine everything that could go wrong!

Relentless

[ppeatfruit]

Thanks resetthemap

I deliberately left a 3 and half to 4 year gap between my 3 so I could enjoy the babies without having to worry about 2 little ones needing my attention at the same time. That helped a bit.

[Hostinthemaking]

Interesting discussion on Radio 2 just now on childcare during book has and how hard and expensive it is if no free babysitters. I know that's only part of parenting but irks the most as situation is so polarised.

[Hostinthemaking]

*holidays not book!

[phoenix1973]

The sacrifices you have to make. I'm doing shitty nmw jobs to fit in with school hours. It's awful. I want to get a decent job and they all seem to be full time around here.

I'm sick of the school run dominating my work choices.

My child is 10 this year and I'm absolutely chomping at the bit for her to come home from school on her own so i can get something with longer hours.

I did get a full day job and minder but the stress was unbelievable.

I'm still missing my old life I guess. The one when I just got myself ready in the morning whilst watching the news. Out at 0800, back at 1800. Without the heart pounding panic of being late for minder and being charged extra. Being paid more than nmw.

When I could take a job because it paid well, rather than doing nmw jobs because the hours fit. 🙄💩

The massive financial hit is awful. As well as rather costs, I lost years of earnings. Atm, I'm not even paying stamp I earn so little and no, I can't get benefits.

So for me the hardest parts are the financial sacrifices and lack of choice and freedom, plus the constant anxiety/guilt.

[socktastic]

My wee boy is 4 weeks on Friday. Biggest challenges so far have been

Sleep deprivation - it's getting better now though

Recognising his cries and understanding what he wants or needs at the time

Feeding - he's a windy wee boy who doesn't burp easily and takes a while to part with his wind.

[KatharinaRosalie]

The only thing for me really is the fear that something will happen to them. Since having the first, I have not been able to relax - the world suddenly seems a place full of things that can hurt your children. Laundry and sleep deprivation didn't really bother me that much.

[TheOddity]

I will give you an example.
Yesterday:
Woken at 5,30 by a baby doing a massive poo so before I could even empty my bladder I was changing a nappy so it didn't get smeared everywhere (poo explosions)
6am the four year old wakes up. By 8am I'm still cleaning up breakfast while holding a baby. Everything has to be done with a baby on your hip f you don't like the sound of crying.
Packing car for picnic, screaming baby getting in and out of car seat and on way. Toddler muttering nonsense and getting cross if I am not highly amused and appropriately responding while also trying to park. Putting pram up/down. Watching mess build everywhere but not even have a free hand to take the rubbish out. Pleasant things like the picnic become chores which sounds awful. The nearest you get to fun is them having fun.
It is relentless.

[hazeyjane]

I have to add though

Amongst all the heart hurt, poo, strops, early mornings, big worries, late nights, drool and general moistness, middle of the nights, pukey car seats, hospital visits, school worries, colic, small worries, reflux, constipation, sibling squabbles, snot, general all encompassing worries and full on oh my fucking god I'm a grown up and someone has made me responsible for 3 children.......

It is pretty fucking awesome and I have never enjoyed anything quite as much as the time spent with the 3 of them.

[BastardGoDarkly]

There's a place for you to ask people to do surveys User

[FayaMAMA]

For me, the hardest part of being a parent is the constant anxiety that despite trying to do the very best for my daughters, it won't be enough - and somehow my actions will endanger or damage them in some way. Also trying not to let those anxieties dictate our daily lives and still trying to have fun despite the worries. I think being a single mum makes the anxiety worse.

Another difficult thing is also the judgment, which I guess ties in with the anxieties, because once you're responsible for these tiny humans everyone feels they have a right to an opinion on your ever action or decision. And that really is hard, because it's not like you weren't already questioning yourself before the world got involved, lol.

HOWEVER, being a parent isn't the hardest thing I've ever done - but I agree that it is the most rewarding. The hardest thing I've ever done is to study for my degree while working and being a parent to two 3 year olds...but they're dreamy in comparison to a dissertation. My life with my girls is hard and frantic, but it's beautiful - and I even have time to use mumsnet to moan and get support in the evenings, so I must be winning!.

You're definitely not being unreasonable to ask what is hard about being a parent, but please try not to get too hung up or worried about the hardships. Maybe start another thread asking for the most rewarding things to even it out, or try to find one that already exists. Because, honestly, it'll be much more beneficial to you I'm sure. Best of luck and congratulations!

[Kallyno]

It's all both wonderful and hard but I found the hardest bit so far to be when they leave home.