To ask what makes being a parent so hard?

[PhoebeGeebee]

I'm pregnant (yay!) just had three month scan and are starting to tell people.

We've had lots of lovely comments but also a lot of 'it's the hardest but the best thing you'll ever do'. These conversations are just in passing so I don't feel I can ask them to explain what they mean.

So what is it about having a baby that makes it so hard? I understand sleep deprivation and crying and the terrible twos etc.... But I kinda want to know the specifics!

AIBU to ask??

[Kallyno]

It's all both wonderful and hard but I found the hardest bit so far to be when they leave home.

[FayaMAMA]

For me, the hardest part of being a parent is the constant anxiety that despite trying to do the very best for my daughters, it won't be enough - and somehow my actions will endanger or damage them in some way. Also trying not to let those anxieties dictate our daily lives and still trying to have fun despite the worries. I think being a single mum makes the anxiety worse.

Another difficult thing is also the judgment, which I guess ties in with the anxieties, because once you're responsible for these tiny humans everyone feels they have a right to an opinion on your ever action or decision. And that really is hard, because it's not like you weren't already questioning yourself before the world got involved, lol.

HOWEVER, being a parent isn't the hardest thing I've ever done - but I agree that it is the most rewarding. The hardest thing I've ever done is to study for my degree while working and being a parent to two 3 year olds...but they're dreamy in comparison to a dissertation. My life with my girls is hard and frantic, but it's beautiful - and I even have time to use mumsnet to moan and get support in the evenings, so I must be winning!.

You're definitely not being unreasonable to ask what is hard about being a parent, but please try not to get too hung up or worried about the hardships. Maybe start another thread asking for the most rewarding things to even it out, or try to find one that already exists. Because, honestly, it'll be much more beneficial to you I'm sure. Best of luck and congratulations!

[BastardGoDarkly]

There's a place for you to ask people to do surveys User

[hazeyjane]

I have to add though

Amongst all the heart hurt, poo, strops, early mornings, big worries, late nights, drool and general moistness, middle of the nights, pukey car seats, hospital visits, school worries, colic, small worries, reflux, constipation, sibling squabbles, snot, general all encompassing worries and full on oh my fucking god I'm a grown up and someone has made me responsible for 3 children.......

It is pretty fucking awesome and I have never enjoyed anything quite as much as the time spent with the 3 of them.

[TheOddity]

I will give you an example.
Yesterday:
Woken at 5,30 by a baby doing a massive poo so before I could even empty my bladder I was changing a nappy so it didn't get smeared everywhere (poo explosions)
6am the four year old wakes up. By 8am I'm still cleaning up breakfast while holding a baby. Everything has to be done with a baby on your hip f you don't like the sound of crying.
Packing car for picnic, screaming baby getting in and out of car seat and on way. Toddler muttering nonsense and getting cross if I am not highly amused and appropriately responding while also trying to park. Putting pram up/down. Watching mess build everywhere but not even have a free hand to take the rubbish out. Pleasant things like the picnic become chores which sounds awful. The nearest you get to fun is them having fun.
It is relentless.

[KatharinaRosalie]

The only thing for me really is the fear that something will happen to them. Since having the first, I have not been able to relax - the world suddenly seems a place full of things that can hurt your children. Laundry and sleep deprivation didn't really bother me that much.

[socktastic]

My wee boy is 4 weeks on Friday. Biggest challenges so far have been

Sleep deprivation - it's getting better now though

Recognising his cries and understanding what he wants or needs at the time

Feeding - he's a windy wee boy who doesn't burp easily and takes a while to part with his wind.

[phoenix1973]

The sacrifices you have to make. I'm doing shitty nmw jobs to fit in with school hours. It's awful. I want to get a decent job and they all seem to be full time around here.

I'm sick of the school run dominating my work choices.

My child is 10 this year and I'm absolutely chomping at the bit for her to come home from school on her own so i can get something with longer hours.

I did get a full day job and minder but the stress was unbelievable.

I'm still missing my old life I guess. The one when I just got myself ready in the morning whilst watching the news. Out at 0800, back at 1800. Without the heart pounding panic of being late for minder and being charged extra. Being paid more than nmw.

When I could take a job because it paid well, rather than doing nmw jobs because the hours fit. 🙄💩

The massive financial hit is awful. As well as rather costs, I lost years of earnings. Atm, I'm not even paying stamp I earn so little and no, I can't get benefits.

So for me the hardest parts are the financial sacrifices and lack of choice and freedom, plus the constant anxiety/guilt.

[Hostinthemaking]

*holidays not book!

[Hostinthemaking]

Interesting discussion on Radio 2 just now on childcare during book has and how hard and expensive it is if no free babysitters. I know that's only part of parenting but irks the most as situation is so polarised.

[ppeatfruit]

Thanks resetthemap

I deliberately left a 3 and half to 4 year gap between my 3 so I could enjoy the babies without having to worry about 2 little ones needing my attention at the same time. That helped a bit.

[BewitchedBotheredandBewildered]

And then, one day, they pass their driving test.

And you watch them driving away until they're out of sight, feeling proud of their confidence and maturity.

And then the tears stream down your face as you imagine everything that could go wrong!

Relentless

[ResetTheMap]

IMO it's the fighting not to change your life that makes it hard

Agree with this. If you go with the flow the actual parenting is much easier, especially with babies.

But, I have found doing this means my life is pretty much only about my DC, and that brings its own issues, mostly around my self esteem/MH (which I guess are "first world problems" compared to what others go through).

Maybe the hardest thing is finding a balance, and those who have that right find everything more straightforward?

[DerelictMyBalls]

For me, the boredom, drudgery and loneliness of the first year or two was the hardest bit. DS and I did not have the instant bond that many people talk about and it took a while for him to grow on me. The first 9 months or so were the worst.

From the age of two upwards has been an absolute jamboree in comparison and I don't find parenting hard at all - I enjoy most of it!

[DozeyTwonk]

the laundry, the years and years of laundry and more laundry and then more folding and washing and laundry..........

[Gymboree567]

I liked the baby and toddler stages
Of course sleep deprivation, tantrums etc are difficult, but the joy of their little faces out weighs all that
Now mine are teenagers, the arguments, the mess, the washing, the b.o.
The nagging, clean your room, get a job
It's relentless! Sometimes I just wish I wasn't the mum anymore, just for one day even, but I'll always be the mum now, forever
Enjoy the next 9 months child free, but you will enjoy being a parent too

[Twinklestar2]

What TakemedowntoPotatoCity said.

[houseHuntinginmanchester]

Sacrificing every thing.

[SpaceUnicorn]

Having a justifiable reason for NOT going out every weekend is one of the major perks for me

[ppeatfruit]

IMO it's the fighting not to change your life that makes it hard. Your life is GOING to change unless you have 2 cleaners, a cook and nannies, and you put the baby in a room far away for a night time nanny to bottle feed him or her. !

It's easier to go with the flow and give up going out every weekend, etc. at least for the first year or so.

[APotterWithAHappyAtmosphere]

I think TakeMeDown has it perfectly. It's how much you care that makes it so hard - and so brilliant.

[Whenwillthisphaseend]

I loved it , there was a brief toddler stage which was intense but till secondary it was lovely. Teenagers-Very hard , this is the bit I've struggled with !

[SpaceUnicorn]

The hardest bit for me is the relentlessness. The sheer fucking relentlessness

[ResetTheMap]

Raising children in the developed world may sometimes be tiring but let's get it in perspective- raising a child in a war zone or drought ridden country is HARD

This is true. But I do think there are degrees of difficulty within the UK too, especially with how unequal we have become. Raising a single child when you are comfortably off, in a good relationship with a supportive DP, have the work/stay home balance you hoped for and lots of supportive friends and family around is going to be easier than raising 3 children close in age as a single parent with disabilities and no extended family around, for example.