To have just laughed down the phone at this woman?

[ClaudiaWankleman]

Phone rings. I pick up. Long wait as I am connected to the poor person at the end of the long line to (I assume) somewhere in Asia. I sigh.

Hello, is that Claudia?
Yes. Who is calling?
Hello. How are you today?
Fine thanks. Who is calling?
I am calling about nuisance marketing phone calls.
Right.
Records show that you have been receiving nuisance marketing phone calls. For a small fee we can block these calls from your phone.
Do you mean calls like this?
No, I mean marketing calls.
Like this one then? Cue hyena laughter

I didn't hear the rest of what was said, I hung up after a good long laugh and went back to watching Judge Judy. You can't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.

I will be cheery all day now.

I just got an accident one 30 minutes ago on my mobile London number.

Just said 'No' and hung up.

I got the same phone call from the same company five days in a row once. I turn it around and ask them questions. Ie. What's the company name, where are they based etcThey soon get fed up,of it. Makes my day.

I had one once where the caller actually told me to fuck off. I'm fairly sure it was an Asian call centre - usual delay in answering and background noise. A heavily accented man asked if I'm Mrs Bloggs (I'm not - I've kept my maiden name) and when I said no, asked me if I'm white. I went "WHAT??" and he said "Fuck off" and hung up on me. I was livid - not because he asked me my race, or told me to fuck off, but because he had the bare-faced audacity to hang up on me. I'm meant to be the person who gets to hang up on these calls.

i have also been sworn at Hassled. I genuinely couldn't hear what the man was saying and after three times he told me to fuck off!

Loving the thread. I also string them along, longest only lasted about 7 minutes, so disappointing. The Microsoft one had my son confused then giggling as I pretended to be crying because I was so upset that someone could have hacked my computer. Another got so cross that I wouldn't give him my postcode he threatened to call the police and got his manager to do the same. I always say yes I will help with the questions when they say they're with the government and only need yes & no answers, but then they immediately ask you to confirm your postcode/ energy provider. I say, but that's not a yes or no answer - got told to F off once for that! I'm never rude but like to waste their time so they bother less people. Hate the recorded messages though, I can't play with them :-(

OP...OH Why did I click the Judge Judy link...I've lost an hour and moved onto Judge Pirro

Got one of the accident ones...

Him:Good afternoon maam. I'm ringing about the accident you've had.
Me: I had an accident?? Oh no!! Hold on, let me check.
20 seconds later..
Me: Nope. I've checked and my pants are clean and dry.
He hung up.

What can I do with the bloody taped message ones? If I "press 9 to be removed" will they secretly charge me a fortune?
Dh came within a whisper of granting someone remote access to our computer once.

When they ask if they are speaking to Mr rollon, my DH says, 'no-hang on, I'll just go and get him for you' and then just leaves the phone still connected on the side and walks off!

After all this, IIRC, there was the time my communications provider cold called me about the new fibre optic link and I immediately said I wanted it. I did. It was new.
There was a pause. I don't think they expected it, not so quickly and without the sales pitch, and had to think what to say next.

I'm so boring with these, I just hang up. DH likes to have fun though, my favourite is the computer virus ones. DH always asks "is that because I've been watching so much porn?" They usually hang up after that!

Lweji many years ago my DF had a cold call from Sky (TV). He had been thinking about signing up anyway but I think the cold caller was a bit shocked when he said "yes please!"

Ah- forgot to add another one.
"Good morning. I'd like to speak to the houseowner please"
"This is she"
"I'm ringing to follow up on the medical insurance claim you made"
"Ah ahh.....Oh....oh my god.....SORRY, please continue"
"Sure. Regarding the insurance claim, I can help if you provide me your postcode....."
"Ah ahhh......it feels so good. Please keep talking.....oooo....god, you are so fucking sexy...... you are making me come....."
CLICK.

I received a similar cold call recently the caller said I'd been in an accident. I agreed, and said that actually, I'd died in it. He told me to go fuck my mother. It is time someone actually did something to stop this shit.

A company like that was based near me(Chichester)And if memory serves me right they were fined for cold calling and nuisance calls. Lol

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=ico.org.uk/about-the-ico/news-and-events/news-and-blogs/2015/09/cold-calling-company-fined-for-marketing-products-designed-to-block-its-own-cold-calls/&ved=0ahUKEwiKsabMsvPNAhVIKMAKHU5NAaoQFggpMAA&usg=AFQjCNFFefGhqT57GnOyiJiuc2I0eWuv3g&sig2=tUFNdFuPxPES8m1t0nHOwg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=ico.org.uk/about-the-ico/news-and-events/news-and-blogs/2015/09/cold-calling-company-fined-for-marketing-products-designed-to-block-its-own-cold-calls/&ved=0ahUKEwiKsabMsvPNAhVIKMAKHU5NAaoQFggpMAA&usg=AFQjCNFFefGhqT57GnOyiJiuc2I0eWuv3g&sig2=tUFNdFuPxPES8m1t0nHOwg

The one I get at LEAST 3 times a week and drives me nuts is the -

"Hello Mam, I'm calling with very urgent news." (First time this happened I think 'dear Christ dh is dead .)

"Oh dear what's that?"

"We have been receiving messages from your comprise regarding a fatal error."

"Oh no really?"

"Yes, this error could lose all of your information and share your bank details with undesirables."

"Oh God. That's awful."

"Yes Mam. Your windows operating system has been compromised."

"Oh that's weird because I have an apple."

"I'm sorry Mam?"

"I have an Apple Macintosh."

"It may be some other device in your house."

"What like one of our iPhones or iPads?"

Click.

Ha ha ha! I once had a woman ask me about my 'car accident' and guarantee me compensation for said accident....... I asked her if I was seriously injured and had head injuries in the accident. She said she didn't know. I said I didn't know either but looked that way as I didn't remember the accident happening, so must've affected my memory. She sharp hung up!

My friend just sticks his 3 year old dd on the line when some one cold calls. She likes to chat.

I had the computer virus one once.

The woman told me I needed to check my computer right now, because there was a virus on it.

So I asked her which one: "The red one? The blue one? One of the two black ones? One of the silvery ones? Or the big old thing in the kitchen?"

Valiantly she replied : "The one you use the most"

"I like to be fair about it, so none of them get jealous"

There was a pause, then she battled on like a trooper.

"There are several issues you need to deal with"

"Oh? Well, why don't you tell me what they are, and I'll get my husband to sort them out. He's very good with computers, he works with them and everything."

"No I can't do that becau..."

"Why? Don't you know?"

"No, I have to talk you through them.."

"But that's silly. My husband will know what to do, because he works with computers. Just tell me which colour computer has the problem and I'll..."

click

My husband is really great at dealing with these types of calls (I get furious, he gets even). Once when we lived in Singapore he got a call from the Bank of China. After a minute he started acting really indignant and offended saying, "How dare you!" The person was all, "B-b-b... whhaaaa??" And my husband said, "What a rude joke- there is no such thing as the Bank of Vagina!"

But next time (and there will be a next time, sadly), doodlejump1980, I'm so going to ask them about Jesus. That's awesome.

Id always worry about giving the phone to my child in case the person on the other end swore at them, or was rude :-/

I give the phone to my 4yo ds as he has asd. End up crying with laughter ever time as he tells them not to call ok bye bye now