To have just laughed down the phone at this woman?

[ClaudiaWankleman]

Phone rings. I pick up. Long wait as I am connected to the poor person at the end of the long line to (I assume) somewhere in Asia. I sigh.

Hello, is that Claudia?
Yes. Who is calling?
Hello. How are you today?
Fine thanks. Who is calling?
I am calling about nuisance marketing phone calls.
Right.
Records show that you have been receiving nuisance marketing phone calls. For a small fee we can block these calls from your phone.
Do you mean calls like this?
No, I mean marketing calls.
Like this one then? Cue hyena laughter

I didn't hear the rest of what was said, I hung up after a good long laugh and went back to watching Judge Judy. You can't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.

I will be cheery all day now.

Calls like this are why I am for an unconditional basic income. No one would ever work for a company like this if they had a choice.

They can outsource those calls to Asia for the UK, but in Germany, they employ people who would otherwise be unemployed and have no choice.

lol...funnily enough i took a call for a colleague at work this morning...

caller: "hello, this is Jonquil (not real name) from "company" in "distant part of country", could i speak to "colleague"
me: i'm sorry, he's not in just yet, can i take a message
caller: yes, could you ask him to please call Jonquil from "company" as soon as possible
me: righto, will do, will he know what it's regarding or is this a sales call
caller: no no, it's not a sales call, i'm just looking to build a relationship between "company" and your organisation
me: right then, a sales call....i'll leave the message, bye now....

Just a moment please, I will be right back.

Wait forty-five seconds.

Now listen. I am at home but I have just phoned my office. I work at the International Fraud Investigation Branch of OFCOM. We can have any call traced in ninety seconds, even a withheld number or a mobile, and then have it blocked while we investigate. If it's outside the UK we can block its access to any UK phone. Do you wish to continue?

They won't.

"How are you today?"
"Somewhat irritated to be having my time wasted, thanks for asking "

I did a telesales job years ago Getting like my mother; it was horrible, and that was years and years ago, long before it was as widespread annoying and intrusive as it is now. I also did legitimate market research (face to face) and over the course of that employment noticed a change in attitude as marketers became more prevelant. People now have the default "its either a con, they are trying to sell me something, or both!"

I know what the job is like and always start off polite but firm but sometimes it does get really draining and it is quite easy to lose the plot a bit.

I hate these calls. Next time one asks how I am I'm planning to reply honestly by telling them all about my health woes, medical history, chronic illnesses etc. Also about my abusive childhood and how it still affects the way I deal with things in my day to day life. And my financial issues too. It'll be a good opportunity to have a proper moan.

And the next call after that will get theJudge Judy soundboard

When I get calls like these I say yes I am XYZ they are calling for. I then try to make the call last as long as I can filling it with somethings totally weird. I like to freak theme out by saying I'm the daughter of Satan or how I'm going to find them as I can geolocate them on the telephone line. And that I would quote literally haunt then in their afterlife. It's hilarious. I spin a story and slowly draw them in and freak them out as they think they are talking to someone sane to begin with.

"Hello, are you the householder?"
"No, the house holds itself up just fine."
"Do you pay the phone bills?"
"When I can't avoid it."
"I'm from your phone company and we can save money on your bill."
"Oh really, which company is that then?"
"Your company."
"I don't have an account with anyone called 'Your Company'."
"I mean, I'm from the company you have an account with."
"Oh really?"
"Yes, if you show me your latest bill, I can give you a better deal."
"If you're from my phone company, how come you don't already have that data?"
"We want to make sure we have the most up to date information."
"And you don't have a copy of my latest account in your system? "
"Well, umm, no, ummm, yes, ummm, we just want to check it as I don't have it on my system."
"An telecommunications company has never heard of wi-fi?"
"Well, ummm,"
"I'm bored now. Buh-bye."

I ha one yesterday, asked for me by first name only, then asked me about the accident I had in the past 3 years.
I told him I didn't drive, so he said could it be anyone else in the household, so I said not unless my husband is a crossdresser!
And it was an Unknown number, which I have to answer in case it's the hospital, that annoys me, I can google most numbers I don't recognise and then block them 😡

Link for anyone who wants to get more acquainted with JJ.

Yes I've had the one offering to prevent nuisance calls for a small fee
" do you suffer from nuisance calls madam?"
"Well, not if you don't count this one"

I also love these conversations:

Ring
I answer the phone.
Nobody on the line for a few seconds (so, I'm already preparing myself for the pitch)
Them: who is this?
Me: you called me.
Them: yes, but my computer doesn't show who it is.
Me: well, why are you calling someone you don't know who it is?
Them: are you X?
Me: no.
Them: could you tell me your name?
Me: no. Bye.

BikerMidwife

Can I remind all you like minded people, for unsolicited mail (Virgin Media I'm looking at you you fuckers), rip it all up into tiny pieces, insert into the pre-paid reply envelope and send it right back to them.

It doesn't stop them coz they're fuckers but it's satisfying.

I had one yesterday from Sophie claiming to be from Windows customer support. She wanted me run a check on my pc as her central control showed I had an error. How stupid do these people think we are.

MiffleTheIntrovert

I once rang the main office of a major telecommunications company to complain about their nuisance calls.
The woman who answered was somewhat baffled, but I think then amused. I told her I thought I wanted to return the favour of unsolicited calls to the main office.
If we all did that, that should teach them.

I love those ones Lweji. I had one

Caller: I need to confirm your name
Me: guess
Caller: what
Me: guess my name
Caller: you have to give me your name
Me: just have a little try
Caller: you have to tell me , it's the law
Me: will you phone the police if I dont tell you?
Caller: yes, so what is your name
Me: I like police, especially the handcuffs ...
Caller hangs up

And the one in the op. I left the phone on the side until they hung up. Another person called from the same company asking if I was still getting unwanted calls. I pointed out that as she had called me obviously I was.

But I use the prepay envelopes. I stick a label over there address and send dds letters to grandma.

My favourites are the ones that go..

Caller: Have you ever suffered work-related hearing loss?

Me: WHAT! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK UP!

Did you send your sperm in the pre-paid envelope or something?
Put their number in a phone box?

Can I remind all you like minded people, for unsolicited mail (Virgin Media I'm looking at you you fuckers), rip it all up into tiny pieces, insert into the pre-paid reply envelope and send it right back to them.

No, put it through a hole punch and fill the envelope with little disks of paper.

I had a "you've had an accident" call the other day - my first! I was a complete failure as, when the woman said " our records show you have had an accident” I replied " what a load of absolute bollocks" and hung up. It was only afterwards I thought of all the witty responses and I was ashamed of myself.