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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit sad about this thing my colleague did?

113 replies

Nabootique · 12/07/2016 13:31

Colleague has just been on holiday and got back to the office today. She gave each member of the team aside from two she doesn't actually speak to (no bad blood, I don't think, they're just very quiet and keep to themselves) a small gift except me. She and I do talk and have had shopping trips at lunch together, etc. I also did her a favour before she went away that she asked me to do (something I have done a couple of times for her before).

I am not entitled. I don't expect a present, obviously, and she is allowed to do as she likes, but it felt like I was left out in a very pointed way. AIBU to be a bit hurt? She does have some form for this sort of behaviour.

OP posts:

Pawprintz · 13/07/2016 09:29

Something similar happened to me when a boss at my previous workplace gave some people a very generous present after a project finished. I was once of those who did not receive a present.

At the time, I thought his behaviour was rather odd. I did feel he was making a passive aggressive point about who he felt had performed best on the project.

Up until that point, I had helped him with some personal things such as mending his home computer. Unfortunate for him, I happened to be too busy to assist him after that...

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 13/07/2016 09:33

Bit weird. YANBU.

When I was about 9 a school friend went to Florida. She brought back gifts for about 12 of the 15 girls in our class. The teacher called out each name and handed them over. I was one of the 3 left out. The girl was a cow (and her mother was even worse!).

Original poster

Nabootique · 13/07/2016 09:52

She has been behaving totally normally towards me. I wondered briefly if I'd annoyed her in some way but apparently not. I just can't BagPuss! But I am laughing at the thought

That is SO mean Coffee! That's the worst one I've heard. The teacher should have been more discreet as well!

OP posts:

BagPusscatnip · 13/07/2016 09:59

Coffee what an absolutely horrible thing to do - and the teacher should have been disciplined for enabling that shit!

As I have got older I do think how utterly sad it is that some people have to feel the need to 'buy' their way into friendships and popularity. Nabootique she is just a sad, wannabe queen bee failing miserably at life!

SuperFlyHigh · 13/07/2016 10:02

if she has some form for this kind of behaviour then don't take it personally but just stop with the favours for her.

I don't buy gifts for people at work on holiday but a colleague of mine does (bracelet and small pottery dish from Turkey when she was there last year for the 'women' on our floor). Up to them. Doesn't leave anyone out.

Original poster

Nabootique · 13/07/2016 10:02

She does try and form her own clique from time to time. We used to sit closer together, with her sort of diagonally opposite me in a bank of six desks. At lunch time she'd stand up and say (false names, obviously) "Right, Judy, Jenny, coming for lunch? What about you, Henry? Oh, and you Geoff?" So everyone except me in that bank of desks (team was smaller last time this happened).

OP posts:

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/07/2016 10:11

I'm surprised you have a 6 year old working with you.
It's the sort of thing that happens at primary school, "Only you two can play with me at break, and you're not coming to my party."

Original poster

Nabootique · 13/07/2016 10:20

As someone who has a 6 year old, yes! I get reports of that sort of thing daily from her!

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 13/07/2016 10:20

She's pathetic

Original poster

Nabootique · 13/07/2016 10:33

It's not just me that she does it to. Let's call her "Betty", then my other colleague "Judy". Judy's long term friend started working for our company in the same team. Betty then seemed to make it her mission to befriend this new colleague, to the point where his wife was quite unsettled by her level of interest in him, inviting him for lunch all the time, spending ages talking to him, interrupting any conversations that he had with other women in the office, etc., totally cutting out Judy, who at the start had tried to be inclusive of everyone to help him settle in. I think she feels threatened easily by other women or something.

OP posts:

Okay377 · 13/07/2016 10:55

Hang on this is actually quite different to what you laid out in your op - in which colleague sounded bitchy and odd.

But actual scenario is the team leader went on holiday and brought back chocolate specifically for six members of her team and not the other three?! Rather than bringing back either nothing or a back of chocolate for the office. That's really poor behaviour and extremely unprofessional.

Original poster

Nabootique · 13/07/2016 11:12

I think that is what I said in my OP, apart from the team leader bit, but yes, that's correct.

OP posts:

Okay377 · 13/07/2016 12:09

wasn't meant as a criticism of op but for me the fact it was just chocolate (normally what someone would bring back for a whole team and is easily shared) and done by team leader makes it much worse!

Original poster

Nabootique · 13/07/2016 12:12

I get you Okay. I was initially trying to leave out anything too identifying. Yes, I'd say a box of whatever left in the kitchen is more the norm, and that seems to be the popular opinion.

OP posts:

SueGeneris · 13/07/2016 12:24

I worked with someone very like this once. She made a big deal out of being my friend when I joined and then at other tines would suddenly exclude me, arranging drinks after work with others. She variously bullied different members of staff in this horrible way and in the end I had a chat with the office manager who begged me to make a formal complaint because so many people had problems with her.

It was a big life lesson for me. I had not met anyone like this before. I very much tend to take people at face value.

In your shoes I would see this as a red flag and I would keep my distance. I don't have time for that shit!

MrsDoylesTeaParty · 13/07/2016 16:41

I just don't get this kind of behaviour! And the post about the child leaving out 3 girls in class.. Why would the mum want her kid to cause others to feel hurt. I feel the other way and would make damn sure everyone is included.. I thought this was a normal way of thinking!

Beeziekn33ze · 13/07/2016 17:57

I reckon she ate your chocolate and perhaps two more on the way to work. You three didn't want her rotten Hershey bars anyway. Can we have an update after Secret Santa and Festive Fun?!

CatNip2 · 13/07/2016 18:17

I would move on, but I would never give up my lunchtime for her again, if the situation arose I would be so "awfully sorry but I just can't" with my response.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 13/07/2016 18:23

She's the team leader? That makes it so much worse.

I really do think that in this scenario - presents from holiday given out at work - a team leader should get individual presents for everyone in their team or for no-one in their team, regardless of how they feel personally about their team members.

Original poster

Nabootique · 13/07/2016 18:48

It's not so secret santa at my work! I can't remember who she got or what she got them but I think she would have been nice about it. I always get the most random secret santa gifts. I could start a thread on that alone!

OP posts:

Eliza22 · 13/07/2016 19:13

Don't like that. Unkind of her. YANBU

Mynameisdominoharvey · 13/07/2016 19:23

user are you always so blatantly rude? This is the second post I've read today where you've been nothing short of a dick on the thread.

Janecc · 13/07/2016 19:25

Sounds like the playground at dds school. And that's just the mummies.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 13/07/2016 20:28

How rude! If it was Hershey's I'd say that's well dodged though!

I don't think I'd make any kind of deal of it but next time I brought back chocs from hol I'd put them with a note that they are for everyone to share... And they'd be sitting on my desk

Glovebug · 14/07/2016 00:43

I used to work with someone who would bake cakes and bring them to work but only for her "friends" on the team. We had a team of 10 but she'd bring in 6 cupcakes for example and hand them out to the 6 people in front of everyone else. Personally if i was going to bring somethimg in I'don't bring enough for the whole team. I think it's very odd for a team manager to just bring gifts back for 2/3rds of the team. She could have easily just bought a big box of chocolates for everyone to share rather than favouring certain team members

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