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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit sad about this thing my colleague did?

113 replies

Nabootique · 12/07/2016 13:31

Colleague has just been on holiday and got back to the office today. She gave each member of the team aside from two she doesn't actually speak to (no bad blood, I don't think, they're just very quiet and keep to themselves) a small gift except me. She and I do talk and have had shopping trips at lunch together, etc. I also did her a favour before she went away that she asked me to do (something I have done a couple of times for her before).

I am not entitled. I don't expect a present, obviously, and she is allowed to do as she likes, but it felt like I was left out in a very pointed way. AIBU to be a bit hurt? She does have some form for this sort of behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nabootique · 12/07/2016 16:10

It was chocolate Koala! Shock But then again, it was American chocolate, so maybe I'm not too sad I missed out Grin

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 12/07/2016 16:11

Oh, it was probably Hershey's. She can keep it then! Grin

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2016 16:15

I would be tempted to confront her in a jokey way.
'Ha ha where did you hide my present? Is it too big to fit on my desk? I haven't been washing your car* every lunchtime for nothing!'
*insert favour.

Original poster
Nabootique · 12/07/2016 16:23

I think I'm too British, ILostIt! Haha at car washing. No, I think even I would put my foot down there!

OP posts:
Charley50 · 12/07/2016 16:26

I'm with BeMorePanda. I can't be arsed buying gifts on holiday and my heart sinks when people get me them, as it means I might need to get them something back.
Apart from sweets and biscuits, 'ironic' gifts don't cut it when you're in your 40's, and who really wants a fridge magnet. Lovely scarfs and crafts are nice, but people's taste is very specific these days so it's best not to bother. Grin

Dozer · 12/07/2016 16:42

Yes Op, "miffed" is better!

IreallyKNOWiamright · 12/07/2016 16:49

My mother in law did this handed 3 gifts from her day trip to my dh my daughter and my nephew. I know the one for dh was for us to share but I felt it was mean.it was like she was trying to say this is my family and your not.

harshbuttrue1980 · 12/07/2016 16:50

I think YABU. She brought presents for half the people in the office, so it wasn't as if you were the only one being left out. Also, she left them on the desks rather than giving them out with a fanfare. Its like with kids - it would be cruel to leave one child out from the class for a party, but not cruel if you only invite half the class. Not everyone likes everyone equally. You are totally in your rights to refuse to do favours for her though, as it seems that she doesn't value you very much. That's just life though.

Cacofonix · 12/07/2016 16:52

Jeez - she is either clueless or knew exactly what she was doing. If it was an edible gift then you buy a job lot for the office to share. That's what DH does. Put your foot down if she asks a favour again - you obviously consider her more a friend than she does you.

MrsHathaway · 12/07/2016 16:54

That's weird though. If it's eg Hersheys then surely it's accepted etiquette to leave a selection near the kettle.

fondly remembers the minor shit storm when a colleague bought extremely groovy Swiss chocolate skis back from holiday ... and maternal HR manager broke them up into a bowl and threw away the box

Nataleejah · 12/07/2016 16:57

Maybe she bought just a handful of tat and that turned out to be not enough Confused

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2016 17:04

I wonder if the HR smashed up the chocolate skis in a jealous rage in the staff kitchen, muttering 'how dare they swan off on a luxury skiing holiday and then rub our faces in it with chocolate skis?'

OjosCansados · 12/07/2016 17:08

Wow, she sounds clueless. I would never in a million years behave like that.

I've had a couple of similar things happen to me; the worst was when the CEO left a Christmas gift on every desk of our office. Unfortunately there was only one on my desk: for the girl that I desk-share with Shock.

I confided in a colleague about how bloody hurt I was to have been left out, especially as I'd worked so damn hard for the organisation that year (every one of the seven years I'd been there in fact), putting in above and beyond.
Anyway, a gift did turn up in the post for me a couple of days later so I don't know if my colleague said something to the CEO's PA or something. Of course I wrote a sickeningly sweet thank you note stating how nice it was to be appreciated!
I still wonder what went on there, it was very strange behaviour, and I felt very humiliated not to mention undervalued...

Op I feel for you!

itsmine · 12/07/2016 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 12/07/2016 17:15

I agree with Charley, the gift recipients are probably thinking 'God's sake, now she's going to expect a present when I go away'
I wonder if she'll repeat this bizarre gift giving to everyone bar three people at Christmas?

Original poster
Nabootique · 12/07/2016 18:05

Aww, I'm sorry Ojos. That sucks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nabootique · 12/07/2016 18:06

We do secret santa at Christmas so no worries there!

OP posts:
DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 12/07/2016 18:50

Maybe she has a bigger better gift to give you later?

Or email her saying - so nice of you to spare the others' feelings by not giving my special present in front of them when they just got something generic. They don't know all the favours I have done you though so might have felt bad. Anyway, I'm excited to see what you got me after seeing the lovely"fudge" the others got.

Passive aggressive?

Floggingmolly · 12/07/2016 18:53

If op was getting a more elaborate gift she should have been given it first; not two days after she'd watched everyone else getting theirs...

Original poster
Nabootique · 12/07/2016 20:44

I think it's just posters being willfully optimistic molly Never mind. It's not a massive deal. I just wanted to check it wasn't just me who thought it was a bit off.

OP posts:
MrsDoylesTeaParty · 12/07/2016 22:31

Very strange and shitty behaviour if it's someone you get on with and she bought for nearly everyone else. If you're going to do holiday gifts then I think it's shitty not to buy everyone one if it's a small team and if it's a small gift like chocolate. Just causes a bad smell in the office.
Clutching at straws but are you on a diet and working hard to avoid chocolate? Grin

marblestatue · 12/07/2016 22:56

YANBU. It's common courtesy not to exclude a small minority of people in a group.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 13/07/2016 00:53

If op was getting a more elaborate gift she should have been given it first; not two days after she'd watched everyone else getting theirs...

I was thinking that my reply might make her feel guilty and reflect on her shitty behaviour, not that she was actually going to produce a nice present.

Original poster
Nabootique · 13/07/2016 09:05

No, not dieting MrsDoyle! Grin Although one of the women she did get one for is dieting, or doing some strict protein only training type thing with lots of exercise.

OP posts:
BagPusscatnip · 13/07/2016 09:23

Or email her saying - so nice of you to spare the others' feelings by not giving my special present in front of them when they just got something generic. They don't know all the favours I have done you though so might have felt bad. Anyway, I'm excited to see what you got me after seeing the lovely"fudge" the others got.

Do this OP and tell us what happens!